Amaterasu
by InsaneScriptist
Summary: Imagine a Naruto that's been blessed by the Gods themselves. Now you're asking, how? -Other, than Lady Luck- How would that effect him? After all, a Goddess just made him her vassal. That's bound to complicate things right? NaruOCKyuubi love triangle.
1. Chapter 1

OK, this is an Idea that my older brother sounded out in a weird discussion of how some (mostly all) Naruto characters are pretty much, -ending comment there, its not relevant. Anyway, we then started discussing jutsus and the we got onto the mythical backgrounds and legends in Naruto.

So if you can guess what jutsu we were discussing you'll get a -possible, but not probable- e-mail containing the next chapter. If I remember to a.) continue this -I have another story posted that needs updating, one that needs to be drafted and typed and maybe posted, my reading fix or I'll tweak, school, and a 14 year old brother who can happily spend all day on Runescape -may it crash and burn in a bubbling mass of a brimstone lake- cutting logs. logs! Oh! And a new puppy! b.) type it. c.) your e-mail. d.) to send it to you.

May you enjoy. This is still in it's rough draft stages. I'm not really sure how or if I'm gonna use cannon or not.

Edited-11/20/09 Not going to complain, I'll leave my old A/N's except for the more annoying ones though.

* * *

Chapter 1- What a day.

The ninja of Konoha stared in wonder and disbelief. Shock was finally settling in fully and completely. A few things pierced though the shock-induced haze and battle brought disorientation. First off there was the devastation and destruction of about half of Konoha, including the larger hospital, several suburban complexes and a fourth of the entire village. Then there was the fact that for the next few miles if you were headed in certain direction, -particularly if you followed the Kyuubi's path- you wouldn't see a living thing for about ten miles. (16km.) Next, there was a goodly amount of ninja, were dead. ANBU, Jounin, chunin and gennin. Many families would mourn their loss in the following weeks and months. One of the last things to register and possibly the most important one to a significant number, is that fact that the Hokage was dead.

"Damn," a ninja with brown hair tied back using some ninja wire wearing the remnants of a chunin vest said, rather eloquently considering what just happened,"Did what just happen, you know happen? Or am I hallucinating?"

Another ninja clutching the cracked remnants of an ANBU mask answered,"You tell me." His gaze swept the area taking in the devastated countryside, a few ninjas wandering around, some more scrambling to save the lives of other comrades, friends, family, sensei's and teammates. The screams and hisses and yells of pain, the grunts and sobs that accompanied the brutal but effective treaty sever injuries. The main piece of the noise that overlaid the screaming, dying notes were sobs of the living, weeping for the dead.

To escape the noise of the earth, the pair of ninja looked to the sky. The sky was unearthly blue hue. It could have been smooth blue ice for that matter, but the sky was perfect.

A perfect match to the now dead Hokage's eyes that is. Damn, the ninja thought, while looking at the few, white, puffy clouds that dared to venture onto the clear eye-colored sky, this is gonna take forever to clean up. "Lets get this mess sorted out. We'll deal with that problem later. We need to help out where we can."

* * *

The council convened almost exactly an hour after the, well for lack of a better word, incident. The council member's voices were raised, and the arguments heated, with passionate words flinging fast and furious.

However they agreed on a few things.

1. They would temporarily suspend all (everything but the black op and those vitally important) missions. Three weeks tops. They couldn't afford to do otherwise.

2. Rebuilding was the goal for now. It would take a few years, but by then, this mess would be behind them and they could get on with their lives.

3. The funeral arrangements would take forever. Assuming they managed to find half the people. Kyuubi had ate several of them and incinerated the rest in its caustic chakra.

4. No one was to talk about what the Hokage did to save them all. It was classified as an S-rank secret and furthermore Sworn to Flame.

5. NO ONE, even those who saw what happened afterwards were not to talk about that. THAT did NOT happen. Officially, that is, there were several witnessess to the event after all so it had to happen in reality, just not their reality. It was made an S-rank secret with all the precautions and punishments that went with it. For those who didn't know, you didn't. Under no circumstances would this be discussed at all.

6. That boy had to be taken care of. Since no one knew who his parents were, or if they did, they weren't coming out and saying, he would be put in an orphanage. It was imperative. Supposedly, it was anyway, someone had to take care of the brat. He would be watched. Always watched. That was to be expected. He did have a demon inside him.

That led to more arguments and questions. Like who would watch him, who would take care of him, and most of all what to do with him later. Around midnight the council was dismissed, and thus they dispersed.

An old guy with a some bandages covering his arm and eye walked up to the baby boy. His look said, 'Just you wait kid, I'll find a way to kill you or keep you.'

The kid looked up at him and made some gurgles. His innocence showed in his eyes.

The old scarred man's body language said, that he meant it. He still backed off rather quickly though for a guy with a limp when a masked figure drifted out of the shadows to feed the kid.

* * *

Meanwhile...

The Kyuubi was pissed off to the third degree, maybe to the Nth degree since he hadn't been this pissed in all of his long and sometimes tedious existence. His day, no the entire damn week, if he was to use human terms, just got shot to Hell and back. No that wasn't what happened. He'd been to hell several times to visit. His life, just got screwed over on a scale only the Gods could perpetuate.

Which was what happened. It made him want to go and war against the Gods, which he would only do if he was suicidal. Gods were paranoid fuckers. They kept nasty beasties as pets that would make him think twice. They also had these nasty little wars, minor battles and evil, sneaky deals going on all the time. Seriously, you'd think after the first few world god wars they'd know better, but no. He would have given up on his and his maker's entire species if they weren't necessary for the universe to function in any reasonable way and if they didn't make and thus control all of the bijuu. All of them, including the ones never seen in the human realm, except for Jaden, but he was basically whipped, tortured, brutally beaten, starved and controlled by _her_. She made the Kyuubi seem nice when he was on a bad day, -like today for instance- in comparison.

Hence why you should never ask a God or Goddess for help or help them in anything. The deal you made with them will always, always bit you in the tail region. If the deal didn't stick you on a cliff edge and then kicked you in the tail region. Which in the Demon Fox Lord's mind was just what happened. As soon as he got out, which he would, it would only take time and some patience and he had plenty of that.

Looking at the boy's memories, he could see the old guy. He had an instant dislike for the guy. Maybe it was the fact that he was trapped in a baby, and thus he was distrustful of everything. That could have something to do with it. So he went with caution. The seal was still new. Despite being otherworldly, still new. It hadn't fully locked down all of his powers. Kyuubi then congratulated himself for being that awesome, since it was still taking a bit for the Shinigami's full power to clamp down on his.

The Kyuubi gave a feral grin in its cage acting upon more instinct than idea at the moment, his mind would catch up and direct when needed. He sent some of his energy out to make some links to the kid's senses. The disgusting two-legs who called themselves humans, called this chakra. Nevertheless, bending his chakra to his will five chains appeared, running into the darkness that was a newborn mind, and into his cage. With that, he connected the chains to a bracelet he made around his foreleg, and presto! A shock, a slight jolt, and access to the boy's senses.

Then the seal cut him off from doing more. So much for taking complete control of the boy. That just made his week get a lot worse. If he had complete control of him, he could have made him grow up a lot faster to where he could get him to survive. That would be nice. Then he could go and trash the seal completely, destroy the village, or maybe haunt it...Kyuubi decided that it would need planning, he had taken down empires larger and more consolidated than this _village._

Damn the Gods. Damn the two-legs, and their noisy disgusting villages. Damn the Shinigami's seal. The whole world be damned. No he couldn't do that, it was too fun to wreck, seriously fun to wreck. When it wasn't giving him worse torture than what Hell could do. Like now. Maybe when he was out he'd go and talk to Karma and see what was up over ice cream, or at a sleep-over or-!

That brought the Kyuubi's mind to a different matter. How the blazes was he supposed to get fur done? That prospect made all the recent disaster in the Demon Lord's life dwindle down to non-comparative. His poor tails or her tails, at the moment he felt like being a he, the sulk was a bit more impressive.  


* * *

(A/N; I'm so evil to the Kyuubi. You'll see what's happened to make him all pissed later. This is my shortest chapter I've written yet. Barely over a thousand words. That's just extremely short for the story, in my opinion. That's including the really long author notes. Ja!


	2. Chapter 2

I need to update more often no? Yes I do. So if someone can explain that fact to my little brother, I will be grateful enough to send you a peach cobbler, that I inevitably burned my hand on. Fact of my life, out of the six dishes I've baked in recent years, I've burned myself four times. Think I'd learn what an oven mitt is? Yep. It just runs away when I go to look for it.

The question on how the story first got its name, which if you read the first chapter's author's note, you would know that my older brother and I were discussing jutsu's and the discussion evolved into this story. However much I would like to I have to say the Shiki Fujin did not come up. Sorry my reviewer. That means the prize is up is still up for grabs. The chapter e-mailed to you in advance. So lets try this again.

Who can guess what jutsus my older brother and I were discussing when the idea for this story came up?

Now the second chapter.

Edited- 11/20/09

* * *

Chapter 2- How the Hells did this happen?

How in all the levels of Hell did he, the Great Demon Lord of the Fox Tribe, get sealed inside a, no this blond, being that didn't deserve the title of brat? Try why did he get sealed into an apathetic evil genius in the making? He raved inside the cage that was the kid's mind. His life just was fucked up in ways that only the Gods could manage. So how did it get screwed up to that level?

Easy, he answer himself, the Gods collected their due. Now he was stuck in a position to where he couldn't finish his task. Knowing the Gods and Destiny, -not Fate- they had a couple of back-up plans. The continuation of the universe sort of depended on it. As Gods were fundamental parts of the universe, they were saving their own asses. They would implement them. And not care at the cost. Kyuubi wondered how much they would fuck up the world. It had been remade at least once that he knew of, gone through several mass extinctions, which pissed off 'Mother Earth' the collective big bitch of all the smaller Earth gods and goddesses. Delegation was everywhere now, he blamed Nessy.

As Kyuubi had learned by reflection, and contemplation, Fate was a bitch. Destiny was a bigger one. Necessity, often called Nessy, was probably the worst one of the three. If Nessy said you had to get in an accident and hurt your legs, Destiny made sure it would happen, and then if by some strange phenomenon, a.k.a. Lady Luck, or some small God or Goddess of Chaos, and if it didn't happen, Fate would then step in and make it happen, and typically in a worse fashion for whoever. Say you were supposed to sprain your ankle, and by some stroke of luck you didn't, Fate would make you fall down the stairs and break a leg and maybe a rib or two and give you a nasty headache while at it.

Somehow in a way that his Liege Lady, a.k.a. a Goddess who he owed a favor to, subtly circumvented his questions about how a group of mortals, could influence the balance and thus the fate of the Universe.

Her answer was like this, "Well, see this family lives in this Village. I think its called Konoha-kurga. Or something like that. Anyway, this family, I forget their name. Mortals don't live long enough for me to remember it, and I don't really socialize all that much with them. Shine-san does enough of that. Point is that, this family needs to be killed. I've already got a deal set up with Shinigami-chan, to where Shine-san will take their souls, -Shinigami-chan and not some summer Shinigami- and put them in lock-up. No forgetful fountain, no reincarnation, no way back into the mortal realm ever. Going on, if we don't, this family will gain a bunch of power, and tip the scales of balance, then this power they've accumulated will eventually shift, most likely towards evil, and the death magics, which will go and be the death of the world."

When he asked why not the entire race of humans, his answer was this.

"Sorry no can do. The Earth Mother is mad enough. I mean, if we did that would make like the seventh or eighth time we re-created humanity. She's just might get pissed enough to scrap them entirely. Then we would get bored without humans to entertain us. We might just have to go to plan P. Pandas! Maybe after a few tries we could get them worship us. It only took us three tries to get them to the current cuteness level. Although my brother would get mad. He likes bunnies better. I think he managed to get a colony of those super-bunnies to live in that place, as like a civilization."

Current cuteness level? Had he really once thought that all Goddess would be mature?

"Hey! Don't you dare make fun of me! I can spread your ashes on the wind."

What ashes? I am a mass of swirling energy with intelligence. I could be anything. A mouse even. I just like the fox's form. It's what s/he was used to.

"I am so going to turn you into a mouse later. After you finish this task."

Can I be a cute mouse with a Mohawk, and could I breathe fire?

"No, last time I let you do that I was grounded for like a century. The Dragon peoples still are mad at us."

So how will I know which family to kill?

"Well they look like...."

Hence how he went and got screwed. It was supposed to be easy. However what he didn't expect was what happened next.

Everyone and their third cousin-twice removed, knew what happened next. A blond man with a white cape -he somehow sensed Irony coming into play with the White Knight Theme Thingy there- holding a baby who was also blond, on a giant Yakuza frog, went and sealed him away. Yep, His life was fucked up. At least with what he was able to do before the seal shut him off he was able to escape boredom somewhat. In truth it was like watching a movie in surround-sound, with other benefits. Such as smell. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact he'd tied his senses in with the kid's. There was also the fact that when humans were around age ten or so is when their sense of smell was sharpest. The kid wasn't ten yet but due to the 'sense chains' as Kyuubi had dubbed them, continually channeled information on the small energy flow he had running through it, had sharped his senses to where it was impossible to sneak up on him. Not that, that was really the case, the kid was unaware. The demon inside him wasn't.

A while back the Kyuubi had figured something out. The stupid seal imposed restrictions on him as soon as he thought about it. Hence why his 'desprete' gamble, or if he was feeling particularly truthful, his whim, for having access to his senses worked while the entire 'force-grow the kid and kick some ass' plan didn't. In fact the seal, as he'd come to know was partially sentient. It also had access to his thoughts. SO any plans he came up would be null and void. Spur of the moment things he could do. Like the 'sense chains.' The damn seal actually slowed the kid's growth rate down. Using HIS CHAKRA!

The 'Big Blondie on Giant Frog' who did this to him, if he wasn't already in Shinigami-sama's belly for all eternity, would have to deal with a very pissed fox demon, who grudgingly respected him. The guy had to be genius. Or crazy. It seemed the same thing to him. Wasn't there a phrase about it only being measured by success or something like that?

The Kyuubi bored with deep thinking went and closed his eyes. Now he could see out the kid's eyes. The kid had a really stupid name. Oh, what was it? Naruto? He really didn't care. He went to go and relieve some boredom. The place was so boring and one can only sleep and stare at his surroundings for so long.

* * *

In the Hokage's Office.

"So why are you here?" The old Hokage asked from behind his desk, contently smoking on his pipe.

"Well," The lady ANBU said, clearly a little embarrassed. "Sir, You recall that you asked that ANBU with the ability to see chakra, or detect minute changes in it, to watch over the boy?"

The old Hokage nodded sagely. What she was saying was that it was mostly Uchiha and Hyuuga doing the guarding, mostly Hyuuga though because for some reason the female Hyuuga loved him. Her, he could understand, but the rest? It defied most logic and natural laws of the universe.

She went on. "Recently while I was watching him, I noticed that at times his chakra would flare slightly."

"That's perfectly normal for growing kids. It is always flaring like that in one way or another as they grow, so does their chakra. Its why a gennin's chakra control is typically so bad." He didn't have to tack on the rest of the explanation since she already knew.

"Its not his chakra that flares, sir."

The Hokage's pipe fell out of his mouth and it clattered on the floor. Bloody Hell, that pipe was a gift. He hoped it hadn't cracked or spilled tobacco everywhere.

"Explain." He said tersely while his 'God of Shinobi' persona came in force over his 'Grandfather/Professor' persona.

"It doesn't come at regular intervals, or anything, but, when it does, it's not all that noticeable. It's sort of- it blends into the boy's regular chakra. Sort of like it's hard to see stains on clothes that are close to the same color. It just blends in really well. Like finding the brown dust on brown pants. There are slight variances in the chakra shading, making it a bit darker than normal.

"When this does happen his senses tend to become more acute than they already are."

"How do you know this?" The old man asked readjusting his pipe which had been collected from the floor, which had miraculously kept all tobacco in it after the rough landing.

"I swear that he knows we're there."

The Hokage lifted an eyebrow.

"He gives this strange look, at or near where we are. You know where you think you see something strange but it really is normal."

"You sure you're not a bit paranoid."

"Not when he goes and talks."

"Talks?"

"You know how I reported to you a while back that while not anti-social, he does have a tendency to avoid loud noises, and some other distracting things? He gets along better with his caretakers. The kid's got a nice vocabulary for his age."

Knowing ANBU like the Hokage did, that meant several things. Each of them with their own set of problems. Double Hell. Just imaging the amount of paperwork the kid could cause was staggering.

"I also reported a while back, that the kid is a genius with art."

Sarutobi nodded. He remembered the picture the kid had drawn on an entire wall. In very good detail. Until you noticed two things. Two very disturbing things. One, the point of view. It was if you were coming in over the wall in the south-west. Two, the picture the kid drew was of Konoha, exactly as it was, -minus people, because he quote, "Can't ever get peoples right."- the day of the Kyuubi attack. About four and a half years ago.

He felt guiltily about not honoring a dead man's wishes but seeing some of the looks the clan head's and some prominent and 'Honored and Praise-Worthy' upstanding citizens gave the boy, he didn't. It did keep a lot of potential problems from coming to surface. Like treason and assassins and riots and mobs. That would have been Hell on the kid to know that he caused all of this trouble.

Hiding the boy from the citizens of Konoha was easy. From ninjas, while not as easy, many had never seen the kid, thus allowing some amity. Hiding the boy from Danzo, was a whole different ball game. Danzo continued to press that he was a threat. Stirring people up. He was pretty sure that if he gather up all the inflamed 'citizen's' letters he would have enough to recycle enough paper, as toilet paper, to last the offices in the Hokage tower for a year or three.

"Point." Sarutobi said, wanting to relax for a bit.

"At one time the kid went and asked, "What do ya think?" He had just done another of his wall drawings, that he was planning on painting. There was an ANBU in the room at the time."

"Are you sure he doesn't have an imaginary friend? Since all the other toddlers are loud and he likes the quiet as you said, he could just make a friend up. He doesn't lack the talent for it."

"Thanks Hokage-sama. I hadn't thought of that, maybe I was just antsy. Seeing that wall everyday is sort of disturbing. You see something new every time you look at it."

"What's new?"

"Some interesting graffiti. A water tower or two, a few new trees."

That was the end of that discussion. Still left him feeling like he' been put in a Lukewarm Hell though and then wrung out through one of those old fashion warsh-tubs..

* * *

With Naruto

He was frustrated. It just wouldn't work. It didn't look right. With a sigh he mumbled, "Hell, this one is even worse than my earlier one."

He compared the piece of paper to another one, and a third and fourth one. They all got the same critic. They quite frankly sucked in his opinion. To anyone else seeing a kid younger than five who drew better than stick figures of the typical seven year old. Hell, he drew better than most adults.

People were to him, unattainable. He just couldn't get it right. People were complicated, often unnecessarily so. They liked making everything difficult it seemed like.

Then he felt what he called the 'twitch' come over him. He felt a twitch in his side on his lower back. Then everything became clearer. Like he was looking underwater before, and now everything was clearer, and sharper.

Everything was also louder and more pungent now. If he wasn't careful he'd wind up with a monster migraine of mammoth proportions. However it had its advantages. He could now see his friend. The 'Summer Shinigami' as he had called himself. He had to feel pain to see the guy, but pain was pretty temporary for him so they didn't get to spend as much time as they'd like together.

"Yo." Said the 'Summer Shinigami.' He as per usual had his death mask, a rather frightening creation, with an anguished, tortured and bleeding face and horns, pushed up and to the side. His dark teal hair with the odd strands of algea green and purple was in a controlled messy flop around his face. His huge, glowing aquamarine eyes blinked. Just not in the normal way. He had said it was a benefit of being part kappa. A thin membrane, -the third eyelid-, slid back up. He was dressed in a fashion many would call sloppy, but in the slightly controlled sloppiness. Under the typical garb of his job. If Naruto had ever met and remember the toad sennin he would say their outfits looked remarkably similar. His reaping weapon was one typical among kappas as his friend had explained. He also had the ceremonial scythe too.

Naruto glared at him. The kappa sighed. "Well now you finally notice that I'm here." The sloppy dude said sounding all angsty. He got up to his feet. "You the only being, in this miserable wretched excuse of a 'village' are the only one who can see me. Much less hear me." He threw his hands in the air, for dramatics and effect, before an overly exaggerated suffering sigh. "And then you ignore me." He whined. He got all teary-eyed, and then got in Naruto's face. "You ignore me!" He turned around, so his back was facing the kid. "IGNORE ME!" He yelled dramatically. He then went moped dramatically in the corner.

Naruto's 'friend' had a flair for the dramatics. He said that he got that from his Mom. He didn't press further. The guy was strange enough. Friendly though. Said he had the most boring job in the world. Naruto didn't see how. You got to take people's souls, for Kami's sake. Hell, that even beat being a shinobi.

What Naruto didn't know was that Danzo had finally found him. He would make Naruto's life for the next few years a living Hell.

* * *

(A/N; I so need to update more often. And its not like I don't have this planned out. I do. It's just the fact that I hate typing. I do not peck at the keys. In fact I can write about forty-five words a minute. I just don't like typing.

Back to the planning thing. I've got this wrote out to chapter seven. Planned all the way through. Somewhat. Leaving some room for changes. Typed? Since Thanksgiving is here and I'm going to be pressed into slave labor in the kitchen I'll update. I will likely not in the next couple of weeks since I will inevitably burn my hand. -Look at the author's note above-

As for my Shika story, since he showed up in my pre-calculus notebook (doodle form. My notebook is lousy with them. It's a wonder I pass. Much less have a 95 in there. There are only two pages of notes not covered Totally in doodles. ^;^) I got over my writer's block. I will update on that as soon as I have it typed out. Which might take a while. I have to kick me little brother off the computer. Then I have to motivate myself to type. I loathe typing.

There's also my reading fix which depending on what I'm reading, can last as much as nine hours. It really sucks when its on the computer. I forget to blink. I tweak without my reading fix. Ask my brothers. I get -violent, doesn't describe it.

Still, offer still stands. Guess the jutsu(s) my older brother and I were discussing and you'll get an advanced edition of the story.

Also, see how many times the word hell was used in this story. I wonder how many people caught my references to different games? Tell me which ones. If you can.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N; I really have no excuse for not updating. So I'm not going to say I spent my time that I could have used to type this by, reading fanfics, some library books, semi-studying for mid-terms (Only halfway worried for Pre-calculus), or playing Dragon Monster Quest; Joker on the DS. Or that was what I was going to say, except for reasons I'll not elaborate on my little brother threw my Christmas break out of whack. Side note- 95 on my pre-calculus.

Going on, I would like to say this. How can anyone not guess some of the jutsus my older brother and I were discussing? Now on with the story.

Edit 11/sometime after Thanksgiving but before Monday/09

* * *

Chapter 3- Trials and Tribulations

It was pretty empty in the cafeteria of Konoha's hospital. In fact there were only a couple of off-duty or on break nurses sitting down drinking tea or other beverages, a chunin with a leg in a cast and had crutches that was muttering darkly at the annoyance of both, the cafeteria lunch ladies, despite the fact that there were three guys on the culinary staff, and an old man wearing robes and a blond kid young enough to be his grand kid, if not his great-grand kid.

"You're saying the staff here is mean?" The old dude said, a toothpick in his mouth instead of his usual pipe in compliance with the hospital's rules.

"Yep. They kept me here for a whole EXTRA DAY!" The kid lamented. "Its so UNFAIR! I mean we know how all this happened and all," and in a way lower volume he continued, "after the tree and my leg's inthrough, no, intern, intro-"

"Introduction."

"Yeah," he said subdued. "I was fine after three days or so."

"You ran half the nurse staff ragged."

"I was three! AND BORED! I didn't even have a window to look out of."

"You're not much older now. You're not even five."

"I know. Just you wait. A couple more months."

"Then what?" The Hokage asked moving the toothpick around like it was his pipe. The kid had gotten good with pranks and traps. He had dyed an ANBU. Neon-Orange did not look good on a gray ANBU uniform. He still didn't know where he got the dye from. Neither did the poor ANBU watchers which were questioned quite thoroughly on how exactly he had procured it.

"I'll show you then." The blond kid gave a huge whiskered grin, with a hint of 'I know something you don't know' tossed in for good measure.

He sighed. He wondered weather or not the ANBU guard's -named Cat- suggestion was worthwhile and thus worth the effort. However he only had her report to go by, well hers and part of what another operative had observed, hence why he was subtly interrogating a young Naruto.

"So are you going to tell me what happened to you to put you here?"

"Yeah, but can I get something to eat first?" Without even waiting for the Hokage's full permission, given in a nod that had just started to the kid, went through the non-existent line, it was hospital food after all. He quickly came back, with a half loaded tray, and started to shovel it down the excuse of a child's mouth. It was much more like a tunnel to a black hole.

'I guess teaching brats manners isn't high on the orphanage's list.' The Hokage thought with some distance humor to himself. Outside he said, "You have teeth to chew your food Naruto."

"Isb zit weelly kall thab himpowtent?"

"Chew, swallow, then repeat what you just said. Talking with your mouth full is rude you know?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi watch as it was downed with only the slightest of help, thanks to milk. He was rather incredulous. It was like watching a mini Choza eat at a pie contest. Not a sight you want to see, but you're currently in too much shock to look away.

"Is it really all that important?" Naruto asked again. "Chewing, I mean?"

"It helps you to digest your food properly, so it digests properly preventing stomach cramps and allows your body to get all of it's energy easier. Now lets get back on subject, I already have my report from my ANBU but I want your side of the story."

"Oh, okay, makes sense I guess, seeing as how you're paying the bill. Well, you know how the caretakers at orphanage are afraid of me and let me come and go at will right?" The old man nodded. He'd be talking to the caretakers, to let a child roam at will was inexcusable, especially one as trouble prone as Naruto. "I think they're afraid of me for some reason or another. I mean I really haven't pranked them as bad as those masked guys. I guess they're still scared over the toadspiderpond thingy."

'Not that I blame them.' Hiruzen thought. It was scary how good the kid was with the pranks. If being harassed by toads, and spiders weren't enough, being led into a pond, only to get pushed into it, only to find out the algae wasn't algae, just some fibers and a lot of green food dye. Three months later, the matron still was slightly green around the gills and was now deathly afraid of spiders and frogs.

"Anyway, I can come and go at will, so I was spending the day, just really doing nothing. Then later I realized that it was getting late so I'd better get back, so I took a couple of shortcuts. Then these five ninja guys show, up and they were all, "come with us kid." But I was like, "make me, you big meanies!" Anyways, then the masked cat-lady came, and poked one of them in the chest and he fell, after he swung a kunai towards me, but another dude took out his sword and started swinging at her, and she pulled out a sword and they were both swinging, but one of the bullies, was gonna get her from behind, so I told her to look out, and she kicked him, but before he fell he tossed a kunai at me, and I tried to dodge but it was really fast so it got my arm."

"So what happened next." So far, it was a very good report for a kid who was barely four years old.

"Uh, well, since the masked cat lady turned, -it was a kitty-cat mask wasn't it, not a tiger or leopard? Anyway, to kick the guy sneaking up behind her, the sword dude sliced her arm good, and there was blood everywhere, when she got him back. But before he went down he stabbed her with a kunai.

"Then the guy who got kicked got up, and he and the other two went and circled around her, me and the tree. I backed up against the tree, 'cause they all had out weapons now, and I only had the kunai in my shoulder. So, knowing I wouldn't die from blood loss, 'cause of the whole 'tree introduction' thingy, I pulled the kunai out to at least give me something useful-ler than a stick.

"Meanwhile, they were saying something, but I don't really remember it at the time since, my head was a little fuzzy while I healed. The Cat-lady then said something like, 'You know the penalty for breaking the Hokage's law.' So I guess that's pretty strict. So, one the guys then went and called me some names, and tossed a few weapons at me. Cat-lady went and moved and knocked the weapons away, she hurt her leg worser from where she was stabbed earlier, while the guy who got kicked went and tossed some more weapons at me. She stopped most of them, but a few got passed her, and hurt me AND her."

"I know she didn't have my own personal 'gift,' so I was freaking out on how much blood she'd lost, so I said rather stupid to guys who were trying to kill me, we have to get her to the hospital."

On the inside, Sarutobi was thinking that it could only be expected. He wasn't even five. He was allowed to panic and be stupid. If not when you were a kid, then when could you? Then again, it just wasn't in his character to do so, despite how young he was, and he could see traces of the man that he had given his hat to several short, short years earlier. The determination to be the better man, the innate kindness, the eager energy to please and the core of steel that was his word, which he followed to the very day he sacrificed himself and his last bit of family for the benefit of the village.

"Going on, the weapon points were really getting irritating, so I guess something was on it, but it really wasn't really annoying it just made me sleepy, so I pulled them out, and spun around and asked cat lady if she was alright. After that I guess whatever was on those weapons took effect and I passed out. Then I woke up here, and was held against my will for an EXTRA DAY!"

The Hokage flinched slightly at the sudden increase in noise, wanting to make him rub his ear. At least the boy wasn't paying too much damn attention to his memories else he'd know he'd killed those other three while he spun around, effectively tossing the weapons into vital points at high velocity due to his quick turn. Those may have only been lucky strikes, but still, the damn kid had unparalleled luck just for that alone.

"Now Naruto," The Hokage chuckled, "You remember the deck of cards I gave you, how about I teach you some card games?" He did that so the little guy had something to do, while recuperating from his 'tree introduction thingy' as Naruto called it. There was no better was to describe it since he had met the tree from the fall and hit just about every damn branch on the way down the giant tree.

The Hokage didn't miss the fact that the nearby nurses had looks on their faces which effectively said, 'We luvs you forever now and always Sandaime-sama.' The kid must have done a number or two on them.

"Uh, yeah. I've got them somewhere." As Naruto searched his person, he found them in his pant leg lining. "Found them."

"Now, you know how to play go-fish?"

The day would go down in many of the hospital's memories as they game grew intense, and the Hokage lost five-hundred ryou in an hour. He now fully sympathize with his student Tsunade now. Losing all the time just made you want to win more.

A couple of hours after losing horribly bad to Naruto in cards and sending him on his own way back to the orphanage, the Hokage was visiting someone in the intensive care unit. It was the person Naruto referred to as Cat-lady or Cat-mask-lady or Mask-cat, or any combination of the names.

-----------

She was currently higher than the clouds, on pain medication. She was on bed rest for the next week, and off-duty for the rest of the month. This would explain why she was bored. Even high, you could only entertain yourself for a while and given that she was a ninja, she could think much faster and clearer than a civvy on a bad day with a head cold and that is why she asked about her unofficial 'ward.'

"He's fine and currently five-hundred ryou (= 50$ USD) richer as of two hours ago. I lost that in a game of goldfish."

"He beat you in goldfish?" Was what first came to mind and what was first out of her mouth

"And war, old maid, crazy eights, and five-card poker. All of which I taught him to play."

"No card tricks? Or bridge?" She slurred on her words.

"I didn't think it wise. We also needed more players for bridge but, none seemed inclined to play with the pair of us."

"Hmm, ..." After a few minutes, "Who has my shift?"

"Yuugao."

"Oh," The lady residing on the bed said. Even being being bandaged, in a hospital gown, on a thin hospital bed with thinner, she still exuded a slight regal or noble air. "She's nice in a tough older sister type way."

"You empathizing with Naruto?" The Hokage asked. It wasn't that he could blame her for doing so. The worst fate any mother could face was not the death of your child as some would have you to believe. The worst fate was to be separated from your child and him not even know you exist AND to not able to do anything differently. 'Stupid, annoying clan laws.' He thought with a hint of leftover passion from his younger days.

"Stick in asses, take it and beat it." She said proving that you can never fully retract a mother's unrelenting desire to make whoever harmed her kid in any way pay for it in blood and bones. Mothers were scary in that way. It's just that she'll be even scarier once she is off the pain meds.

"I take that as a yes. I won't reprimand or replace you for this, it just makes you a better protector for Naruto. Just don't let your emotions get the better of you next time."

"I'm ANBU. Didn't get there because who I was married to." After a couple moments of quiet chuckling, the wounded ANBU asked, "What my 'bout idea?"

* * *

A little blond boy was walking in the street with a cream and dark colored cat on his shoulders. This was after he'd ditched his ANBU escort in the park, when he'd scampered soundlessly up the tree the cat was in. The cat took a bit more convincing to come with him though. Then there were a few other problems.

/_Who is the guy with blue fur beside you and me?/_

"Yeah, I know pretty-kitty. Just ignore the guy." This was why Naruto liked cats. They could see his friend. However they could and sometimes were annoying too. He didn't know all the answer to the questions of the kitty.

The cat just shifted on his shoulders. /_He seem pounce-fun. Can he hear me as well?/_

"All right I guess, but you know I can only understand you cat, he gets a vague sense of what you're saying though. Why? I dunno, next time I feel the 'twitch' I'll tell you, if I know then. That's when I can ask that guy. Otherwise I can't hear him."

Tail flick under his nose. _/You are a funny two-legs. Most need to be trained a bit before they understand what we say. Then they feed us, or leave water or change the dirt. By the way, why did you ask me to come funny two-leg?/_

"Oh, so now you ask. Annoying cat, but let's face it, I need a favor."

The tail swayed. _/What sort of favor? What sort of request needs my skills?/_

"Fine." The boy said. "I want you to do this to a certain person." He then described the person and what he wanted done. The cat leaned out and looked at Naruto, starting an impromptu staring contest.

The cat blinked. _/I want to know what sort of payment I will get?/_

"Payment? Catnip and tuna maybe. Definitely table scraps though."

The cat meowed. _/Good table scraps at least till leaf-fall./_

"I could get another cat, you know. Be cheaper."

Hiss. /_But how would you know they would get it done? I demand at least one moon worth of table scraps for the job, another for your insult, at least. If you ever want my business again, it will have to be more./_

"Fine, for the next two moons. When and if I can." He added.

The cat then launched off the boy's shoulders, and became a fuzzy blur as it raced around the corner. /_Good enough. Keep up your end of the agreement funny two-legger and we shall both see a profitable future./_

Naruto sighed. He didn't like lying to the old man. He knew he had hurt the guys. How bad? He didn't know and he didn't care, if he was really lucky they'd be dead, since he'd recently provided evidence he could gamble and pretty damn well too he might add that lent some more credence that they'd be dead.

His thoughts drifted elsewhere. He could probably make some money gambling if he went pro. Then again, he had the feeling he'd loose his luck if he did. He'd make a better ninja that way he'd show them all not to ignore him. Even the Hokage, when he'd finally dug out from all the paperwork, acted like it was a duty forced upon him against his will, and thus did it reluctantly. He'd show them all! Sometime later he will, just not now.

After he finished his room for sure. By 'finishing' that meant finishing his mural of the village on his wall. Maybe then he'd go on and do something else. Like the Hokage tower or the monument.

He slowly strolled back to the orphanage, and if they locked it again, he'd find a way to get in. He had a screwdriver if it came down to it he could unhinge the door and re-hinge it if need be.

He was happily thinking about how to do the Hokage monument in exactly that particular flair of his. It would have to be flashy though, something everyone would see at once. He then decided to do the Hokage monument in broad daylight. But how? Coming up with no obvious answers he put that on the back burner, and brought the tower to the fore. That he could do. After all, they had some stuff in there from the pre-village days and possible some stuff from before the clan wars too. That stuff was mostly 'junk.' He preferred to think of it as something not used to its fullest, what was the word? Since he couldn't think of the word he went with use. Used to its fullest use.

Now that he was free from the hellhole, a.k.a. the Hospital, he wondered how best to piss off the ANBU watchers and the Uchiha MPs. He had no idea what 'MP' meant but that was what everyone called them. His 'sticky' paste? This required more thought.

The next morning the MPs were not happy campers. Especially since none of their gear was spared the wrath of the blond devil child, and neither was the desks, and other office gear. In fact there was even a cement block that was stuck to the back of the roof that had a scarcrow as in not a typical scarecrow since it had an eye-patch and an a line of stitches on it, that was also stuck to the block that was stuck to the building.

Kakashi went though his day wondering what he'd done to make the Uchiha clan mad at him and building up some impressive paranoia.

* * *

A/N; What did the cat do for Naruto? Well next chapter you might find out. Or not. *insert insane evil laugh*

A/N Edit- I lied. I took out the bit that followed.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N; Well this is chapter four. My computer is finally in its natural place, and thus my keyboard. I still hate typing. More on Kyuubi's perspective and the 'summer' shinigami that hangs around Naruto.

* * *

Chapter 4- Career Exploration. Ninjas, lawyers and other careers.

Kyuubi was rolling on the floor of his cage, not caring about his fur or tails getting wet, just laughing. With no intention of stopping. It showed that even though he couldn't majorly influence the life of the boy he could influence subtly.

Really, how many four and a half year olds can, 1.) Prank the old crippled geezer who looked to be a major thorn in his side. 2.) Prank the ANBU. Successfully. As in not caught. 3.) Win in card games against the Hokage. When he was CHEATING! Cheating his ass off no less. 4.) Prank the Uchiha military police. That, the Kyuubi remembered, was especially hilarious. 5.) Break into a place with only a screwdriver and a couple of paperclips?

The answer? No one but his cute wittle jailer, Naruto! He had recently -like just now recently- promoted his jailor from weak, useless excuse of a life form like an amoeba, to something of a retarded goldfish. That was the equivalent of several million years worth of evolution. If only the mental memory capacity of about three seconds.

Feeling his 'sense chains' wiggle, he quickly became a being of grace and dignity. He then closed his eyes. Taking a fox's version of a meditative stance.

* * *

Meanwhile Naruto was putting some finishing touches on his bedroom wall. Feeling the 'twitch.' He quickly looked around. Seeing his friend do his embarrassing monologue of being ignored, -again- he quickly smiled.

"So, " he said, dipping the tips of his brush in paint again, "Why me?" Naruto muttered, it was easier to talk aloud, than to talk the other way that 'Kai' had shown him. 'Kai' had said something about, 'freaking furballs,' and 'thinking they're too good for any bi-pedal species.'

His friend whose actual name was too damn hard to pronounce for a human, and thus settled for a basic kappa name that Naruto could pronounce, which was 'Kai.' In kappa it meant flash flood. In human, it meant release.

"Why you, for what, dude?" 'Kai' cocked his head, showing off his blue tresses. At Naruto's grunt, which the cause was he'd just messed up on a couple of trees he was painting, 'Kai' got it. "Oh, that. You mean how you can see me and other supernatural beings?"

"Yes!" He murmured. He'd fixed the tree.

"Oh, you know the Kyuubi -I mean its not like its a big secret or anything, in the supernatural society- being sealed in ya and all. Well, dude, put it this way, while ninja's can use spiritual energy, human beings have to mix it with physical energy. That creates chakra. Kyuubi being a bijuu is part of natural energy, and part spiritual energy. That's the Kyuubi's chakra, dude. Thus your chakra system is like 1/3 spiritual chakra, 1/2 physical chakra, and 1/6 nature chakra."

Naruto groaned. He needed to wash his brush but how to get down?

"Going on, average-wise most ninja chakra is a mix of about 2/3 physical energy and about 1/3 mental or spiritual energy. Even if they say it's half and half dude, they're wrong. Since you have an abnormal amount of spiritual energy for a human, this would make you immune to most mental based attacks. Like the genjutsu. I think that's what the ninjas dudes call it. I call it, at most a pathetic attempt." Well duh, how else would he get anything done for his job, reaping souls, if he was being stopped by ninja? Of course 'Kai' was better. It was necessary.

Naruto was wondering what to do about his brush, his paint and the fact that when he got down from here he was going to fix that problem. How? He could modify a standing lamp into a tall table for temporary use. But where would he put it since one of the people who ran the orphanage would surely break it if he left in here. Or...

"How?" He said, not wanting to get off the stool on the chair.

"A lot of determination, dude, with a bit of skill, luck and talent. Combine that with basic knowledge of how human chakra works, well what I gleaned from a couple of different sources, dude." He said bashful.

"Where?" Naruto asked looking for a particular tube of paint. It was burnt sienna. Possible his favorite color after orange, black, red, silver and blue. He needed it to do detail on a building. After he cleaned his brush. Which meant he had to get down. Down off the stool on the chair.

"Oh, I stalked a couple of those freaky-eyed people, and crashed some classes at the ninja school, dude. " 'Kai' responded.

Naruto glared at him. '_Don't you have a job?'_

"When I'm not on call for my job, dude. Duh! I work the oddest hours."

_'Freaky-eyed people?'_ Naruto thought. How many people have ultra-marine, teal blue beckons of light that call themselves eyes? And how many have third eyelids? None that he knew of. Then again he didn't know any other supernatural beings. Then again, they were called super-natural for a reason. Though that was a bigger oxymoron than most. Really, it was.

Suddenly he became aware of someone approaching him. He'd use him to clean his brush, and get the paint. A foxy grin shown on the gaki's face.

* * *

**A few minutes earlier...**

A rather annoyed and thought-occupied chunin and a really short jonin were walking side by side, down the street.

The short jonin said, "So, the guy we're escorting to the tower, for Hokage-sama is important?"

The chunin replied, "Yea, and nay. Depends on who you ask. So Hokage-sama didn't tell you anything about who we're 'escorting'?"

"No." The short jonin admitted. "I was going to give him my mission report, but he sent me to tag along with you."

"Ahh." The chunin said as if the short jonin's answer just revealed the purpose of life.

After a few minutes of walking, the chunin said something else. "The guy we're escorting is one Uzumaki Naruto. Apparently the Hokage is concerned about the guy. I heard a rumor a group of _our_ ninja tried to kill him, so Hokage is taking protective action of his ward."

"I haven't heard that rumor. One would think that I would." The jonin said.

"True, true. You would if the rumor had floated on normal village gossip channels."

"So, what's with the Hokage's ward thing?"

"Oh, that. Easy enough to answer. Each and every orphan, is placed in an orphanage until they've received a basic education. Reading, writing, arithmetic and other stuff to make good citizens. When they reach a certain age to where they could take care of their basic needs is where the ward thing comes in. The orphanage kicks you out once you reach sixteen or so, but most people are adopted out, or have moved out on their own beforehand. The ward thing is if for some reason, you're kicked out or leave earlier, you'll be provided for. Like if you, I dunno, become a genin. You'll leave the orphanage, and have a small apartment provided for you. You'll also get a small stipend until you reach the age of sixteen or become a chunin or higher."

"Hmm. So what's with all the older people hating him?"

"This is where my other profession when I'm not being a ninja is handy. Now give me ten ryou." The chunin said.

"Uhh, why?" said the stotic jonin.

"I want to buy some pocky." The chunin said. The jonin looked at him like he was crazy with an almost patented stare. "Ugh, I mean client confidentiality." The jonin gave the lawyer chunin ten ryou.

"How is it he has a secret so dangerous that you'd have to do that? And doesn't that work the other way around?" The short, stoic jonin asked.

"Blame old Yondy. Now remember bijuu. Then think the word jinchuriki."

"You're imply that-"

"Now don't say that. I'd have to kill you. Hokage's law and all. Now then you want to hear something else I heard interesting about him?"

"Hnn. It doesn't bother me. But didn't you just break that law?"

"No. Those laws were passed to help our temporary 'charge' make friends in his own age group. Also it prevents _parents_ from telling _their_ kids. By the way, word is, from my ANBU pal is that the little guy can tell where _they_ are posted at."

"Really? That's interesting." The stotic little guy said, with as much enthusiasm that could be present at a funeral.

"Well, if you could get past him, you could show your stealth is better than the ANBUs." The chunin said. The jonin didn't respond. "IF you manage to touch him before he notices I'll buy you all the pocky you want for the next month." The chunin said with a sigh, closing his eyes for a few fractions of a second.

When he opened his eyes, a half-second later, the jonin was gone. "Damn, I knew he liked pocky, but not that much." He then continued to stroll lazily to the orphanage.

The pocky-loving jonin snuck into Naruto's closet sized bedroom (actually once was a closet at one time) in the orphanage, intent on his mission. He quickly scanned the room once, twice. He saw a small bed, a small makeshift, milk-crate desk, and his target on top of a stool on top of a chair. He scanned the room was was he saw the wall. He just stared. And stared. And stared.

"Shorty, if you're gonna drool, I'm gonna kick you out." Naruto said.

The jonin quickly turned to face Naruto. "I'm not short." He muttered.

"Are too!" Naruto said cheerfully. "Now could you hand me that cup on the table?"

The jonin handed it to him, seeing no reason not to. "Not short."

"Yeah, you are dude." Naruto said, washing his brush, before getting most of the water off onto towel/rag he had draped over his shoulder.

"I just haven't hit my growth spurt yet. Besides you're shorter than me." He muttered. His eye slightly twitching.

"Uh-huh, I have a reason to be short. I'm not even five yet. Your like what twelve or thirteen or elventyleven? Put this back." He handed the short jonin his cup.

"I'm eleven." The short jonin said matter-o-factly, putting the cup back on the makeshift desk.

"See, you're like three times older than I am. Now can you hand me the burnt sienna dude?" Naruto asked.

The jonin complied, but added. "My name's not dude."

"Well, I don't know it, so you're dude, Mr. Dude. Anyways, since you've got the vest, and all, are you here to take over the freaky-eyed people's spots? 'Cause they kind of suck when it comes to hide-and-go-seek. One's in the tree in the front and the other is on the roof of this place. Besides I think the guy who's supposed to go find them quit a loooooonnngg time ago."

"Hnn." So that rumor was true. "You do know it's considered rude to demand a person's name?" He inquired softly.

"Huh, go figure. But since you're all ninja-awesome and all, and you came to find me, and you don't have weapons out, the old man sent you. SO you should know my name."

'_Can't argue with that logic.'_ The jonin thought, so he said, "My name is Uchiha Itachi." He stuck his hand out to shake it with Naruto's little one. Then realized, '_Wait, weapons drawn?'_

"Can't dude-san, I'll fall off." Naruto said, perched on his stool on top of the chair.

"Couldn't you just move your pallet and brush to one hand?"

"Not if I want to save my brush from going through paint." He responded.

"Did you just call me dude again?"

"Can't really remember Mr. Dude."

"Can't you at least say my name? It's Itachi Uchiha."

"Got it, Uchiha-san. Now where have I heard that name before." He put on a serious face for a four-year old. If you could only minus the whisker marks. Then it wouldn't have been so cute.

"From the gossips. I created a big stir when I graduated early." Itachi stated coldly.

"No, not you. I mean the Uchiha name."

"Oh, that. The Uchiha clan runs the military police. Our clan symbol is on the police station, even the MP's uniforms."

"Oh," The blond said. For a few moments he was deadly quiet. You could almost hear the wheels of his mind turn. "Are you here to arrest me? 'Cause I don't think that I they'd catch me that quickly."

"Catch you what?"

"For painting the scene with the fish, and setting up the fisher guy."

"That was you?" Itachi asked incredulously. His dad had raved about that all morning over breakfast. Insulting the Uchiha.

"Yeah, whatever was up there, it looked a lot like those fishing bobs-things I saw a couple of times, so I thought, why not finish the scene."

"But where did you get the fisherman?"

"I got him from one of the rooms at the place that the fishing bob was on."

"The clan symbol is a fan. Not a fishing bobber."

"Oh, sorry. I'll make it up later. How's Tuesday?"

"What?" Itachi asked confused by the words, 'make it up'.

By this time the lazy chunin, had managed to get up to Naruto's room. "Oi, Itachi, is the little runt ready, I've got to take him to Hokage-sama." He opened the door, and started to step in. Missing the littlest kid's face.

"No dude!" Naruto said, reaching out.

The mess above the door, fell on the chunin, while Naruto, fell on Itachi. Since there is a law that states for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, the stool fell on the makeshift desk, sending a couple of paint tubes and containers on top of the already thoroughly paint covered trio.

As they sorted themselves out of each other, Naruto picked up his paints, quickly putting them in their hiding spots, which were so good, if it wasn't for the two seeing where he put them, they never would have guessed they were there. After all, who'd expect a portion of the wall could be removed? Much less how quickly the he did that, or how well hidden it was. Itachi was mentally kicking himself for missing that.

Fitting that part of the wall back, Naruto picked up the newspaper on the floor. Making a nice, folded pile. The two watched on in semi-shock, after all what sane person could fold a newspaper? The paint splotches were effectively hidden in the pile. Seeing that everything was back in its place and cleaned up, he went into a nearby bathroom and scrubbed his hands, face and hair.

Upon seeing them still standing still he scrunched up his little face, whisker marks and all, "You guys better not be dripping paint on my floor. After all, what would your family say Itachi-san?"

They quickly cleaned up. Or as much as they could. After all, the chunin had a nice yellow smilely face of paint on his back. When it didn't come off with water, Itachi looked at Naruto and Naruto only said, "Oil paint."

* * *

**About thirty or so minutes later...**

Naruto was bored. Itachi, a.k.a. Dude-san had left shortly after bringing him here. He'd talked with the old man for about a minute or so, then left him, the chunin guy, -he was not getting the classification of dude, he wasn't awesome enough- and the old man here.

The chunin and Old-man Hokage were arguing about some grown-up adult person thingy. It obviously involved a bit of papers.

Bored he strolled over to the bookcases, looking at different books and magazines. Seeing an orange one, his favorite color, his first impulse was to get the old man to reach it for him, but he was busy so he went with option number two. He quickly built a small stack, in the shape of a staircase to reach the orange book, and decided since there were two other books beside it he decided they might be worth his time. The spine of the book to the left said, Idiot's Guide to Sealing. Not that he knew what that was. It had a small design on the side along with a picture of a brush. That's what sealed Naruto's interest in the book. The book to the right had a design of the elemental cycle on it, -Not that he knew what that was either- so it went with the stack of what he was going to look through, and possibly keep.

He stuck, the books with pictures on the spine in the universal fern plant -present in every office/waiting room in the universe-, covered the orange book with a magazine, while he stuck the other books back in the shelves.

The Hokage called on him halfway through telling him to put them back, and he put the books back looking sad, while he slumped back to the chair. He then looked the dictionary's picture of sulk-fest. He then started to go through the magazines nearby. Snapping the magazine's pages loudly. The Hokage then looked at him sternly. He then went back to the papers him and the chunin were arguing about.

Now Naruto grinned. He pulled out the orange book and thumbed through it, picking out the few words he knew. He didn't know a whole lot, and eventually lost interest, and was about ready to declare to the world it was boring, but decided against it. He'd show the old man. It was then he decided to throw it at the old man.

He did toss it at the old man, as the old Hokage was turning around about to ask Naruto something that was very important to his future and protection. With reflexes born out of having survived two ninja wars, he dodged the flying orange book.

The poor chunin didn't have that advantage and thus got a face-full of the limited gold edition of the first of the 'Icha Icha' series. Signed by the author.

"Naruto..." The Hokage said, "Why'd you throw that book?" A tick, mark had appeared on his face.

"I was bored, and you both were ignoring me..." Naruto had managed to pull off the puppy eyes no jutsu to perfection only available to those ten and under.

"We were just getting everything ready for a surprise for you. Now how would you like to be a ninja?"

"That would be awesome. I'd be such a cool, super-strong ninja. I could-" He continued on in the way only kids under ten can do.

"Naruto," The Hokage said, trying to get his attention, he repeated Naruto's name, which got the same result. He then proceeded to, "Naruto!" after that the blond, now apparently hyper, shut up. "Now then, would you like to attend the academy to learn to be a ninja?"

"You mean I can?" Naruto said using his puppy eyes again. "But didn't that start like three months ago? Wouldn't I have to go next year?"

"That's where the nice chunin that you hit with that book, would come in. He'd help you catch up to the rest of the class."

"Yeah! The Hokage sees that I'm awesome and now wants me to be a super-strong, super-cool ninja who'd one day take over his job! 'Cause I'm just that awesome!"

The old Sarutobi ruffled his hair. Whatever the old man said after the blond's outburst was tuned out.

A couple of feet away, the chunin was muttering with a huge blush on his face, "Is that possible?" Now positively enamored with the book.

However, in the future, Naruto would think that Jiraiya's books were boring. The two would have many arguments about that.

* * *

**Omake 1: Come, Come...**

Meanwhile in his cage the Kyuubi had -not that you could tell- a blush on his face. He'd yet to see such a racy book, in all his millenia. If he ever got out he'd,... he'd,...he'd...

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The Kyuubi blushed even more, not that you could tell. Advantage of being red, and covered in a fur coat. He'd congratulate the author, and then chain him and force him to write sequels.

However his liege lady might be a little mad at him for allowing that series to continue. She was against that type of stuff. Being female and all. She might leave him in here for goddess know how long, or bump him down to a few tails. He couldn't decide which was worse.

He opened his eye, glaring at his prison bars, and the small sheet of paper that he knew on the other side said 'seal.' The seal's backside formed a small, picture of the face of the person who'd sealed him in here. It then winked at him. Before fading back into the paper.

That was new, Kyuubi thought. The damn seal was setient and proving it. And become more intelligent. Maybe, he should cut his 'watch' time, the seal was able to see and know what was going on when that happened. That could explain how it was evolving. Or the fact that his chakra was mutating it anyway, had been and would continue to, as long as the 'sense chains' were present and in working condition.

Kyuubi decided that all that musing wasn't worth it and thus decided to take a nap. Ignoring the problem, that would in a decade or so manifest itself fully. When that little problem would do more than kick him in the tail region.

* * *

A/N; Shows the difference of Kyuubi and Naruto. And if anyone asks, 'Kai' is a surfer type, summer shinigami dude. He says dude a lot. Naruto picked up on that habit of his.

Hopefully this chapter will explain the whole understanding the cat thing. Can you believe that cat communicate using telepathy along with body language, and of course the 'meows'? Naruto can only fully understand, and talk to animals. Any other thoughts tend to run into the species barrier unless the thoughts are really 'loud.'

Also the whole seal thing, it's really only added onto the omake to make an introduction of a character easier. Kyuubi did mention in chapter one that it was partially sentient.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N; Surprisingly if I continue updating at the rate I am, (as in slightly above a chapter or two a week even if not posted) well, my free time would drastically decrease. (Two hours or so. One hour for typing, -if I work seriously at it- and another for tweaks and editing.) I like my free time. I get my reading fix (I had like three library books overdue because of this story and my lack of transportation. I need to get my permit. T,T), my anime fix, and my homework done in free time. I also play games, and hang out with my boyfriend. That's not counting the stuff I do for school a.k.a. beta club, or will be come convention time. It sucks that it's on spring break though. Enough said about my life though, let's get to the story.

Curious/Insane_Scriptist- (sounding super cute) What did you guys think about Itachi-kun? Or the so-far nameless chunin? Is the Kyuubi okay? IS the seal okay? Who knows!?

* * *

Chapter 5- The Failure's First Day

Naruto and the recently enamored with 'Icha Icha' chunin, walked down the street towards the academy. The chunin was busy analyzing the situation in the way only a really damn good lawyer could. With no feeling at all except for maybe a bit of greed and wrath. Maybe that's why his nickname was 'Kamisori.' The Razor.

Hell may hath no fury like a woman scorned, but the people who came up with that saying had never seen a tax lawyer at tax time, with a person who had a huge account, came to due his taxes about three weeks late.

That same type of insane hate seemed to radiate off the people who saw the boy. They people on the street really didn't act on the hate, except for glares.

The boy and the chunin knew that, but it didn't stop them from knowing that some people didn't stop at just the glares. Naruto smiled at a few people who passed by, but that really didn't include very many civilians.

"Boy, stop hiding behind my leg like a scared little girl." The chunin said.

Naruto instantly let go of his leg, and started to walk beside the chunin, in what the chunin knew was false bravado.

"I'm not a little girl." The blond growled out, in what was probably supposed to be terrifying, intimidating voice. Unfortunately the chunin wasn't four or so and thus wasn't scared in the slightest.

"I didn't say you were. I said you were acting like one. There is a difference. Not a major one, but shinobi are expected to pick up on the subtle things like that."

"Hm. Okay. I'll show everyone that I could be an excellent ninja!" He said with excitement, even though it was said pretty quietly.

After another courner, they turned, and continued walking down that street. That was when Naruto asked, "Mr. aren't you like a lawyer guy? But you've got a vest so you're a ninja too. How does that work?"

"My nickname is Kamisori, I answer to it most of the time anyway. But I'll tell you when we get to the academy. I often fill in for the other teachers there, when they want to get some training time in, or they have to go for a mission."

"So, after I catch up to the other students, I could still have you as a teacher?"

"Yeah, typically I watch over the kids when they're in study hall."

"What's study hall?" The blond asked in ignorance.

"It's time set aside for the students so they can do their assignments. The academy gives out some pretty hefty amounts of homework. It is kind of well known for forcing knowledge down people's throats." He admitted abashed.

Naruto's face made a picture of disgust. "That's not a very pretty picture." He said.

The chunin chuckled in an evil lawyer chuckle. The kid was right. It wasn't a very pretty picture but a very humorous one.

* * *

When they arrived at the academy gates, Naruto stopped. Waiting. The chunin, stopped as well seeing his charge stop.

"That's the academy. You'll probably spend the next couple of years here. So ready to go?"

"In a bit. Once you tell me how you came to be both a lawyer guy and a ninja." Naruto said stubbornly.

"Ahh, how to start, how to start?" The chunin said. Finding a place to start, he started to tell his tale. "Well, I was an orphan like you. I did a lot of stupid stuff when I was a kid. But that's not part of the story. Anyway, I decided to go to the academy, to try to be a shinobi. A lot of people drop out the first six months of the program, but I decided to tough it out for a year. If not, I could always go to be a lawyer, since I developed a small fascination of it since it got me into the academy when I couldn't pay. Basically, I spent a lot of my time split between the two. The way I figured it, if I ever got seriously hurt or injured or just decided to quit being a ninja, I could always be a lawyer. Better than just giving up then and there. After I got through the first year, I went through the second, and then before I knew what hit me, I'd finished the academy and became a genin. I still studied law when I could though. Eventually, my genin team and I took the chunin exam, where I made chunin. I also passed the bar exam, the test you have to take to become a lawyer that same month. I was actually more worried about the bar exam than the chunin exam. Now that you know how that happened, I can do an evaluation to see how much I have to work with." That was the short, bloodless version of his life in less than a minute.

"An evlave- what?" Naruto asked.

"A test to see how much I have to catch you up on. Like, how much you know about chakra. So how much do you know about it? What's it made out of?"

"Uh, it's made out of, um mental and physical energy." Naruto said, seeing how 'Kai' had said that the humans would freak out if they knew that they existed. So now he had to lie, or think quick.

'_I didn't think he'd get that_.' The chunin thought. "How do you know that?"

"Uh, sorry, but is that something you really have to answer at the academy? How do you know that?"

"No, but I was just curious." The lawer-ninja remarked to the smart-ass. "So would you tell me?"

"I overheard some ninjas talking about it. They were about as old as Dude-san, but they didn't have the vest so they weren't as awesome as him."

"Dude-san?" The chunin said. It really couldn't be...

"Yeah, that's what I call the guy you were with yesterday."

The chunin smirked. '_Oh, Itachi-kun, I'm gonna have so much fun teasing you about that.'_After ending that evil little reveille, he asked, "So do you know how to use chakra?"

"Uh, I'm not really sure, but doesn't it invovle seals?"

"Yes and no. Some ninja techniques don't require seals. They just require chakra control."

"How do you control chakra?"

"You focus your chakra."

"How do you do that?"

"It takes concentration."

"What's that word mean?"

'_Ugh, this conversation is going anywhere like this_.' "Okay, you know how you focus on your bedroom wall when you're painting it?"

Naruto nodded. It was really hard to get all the details otherwise.

"Okay, then when you're painting it, you are concentrating on it."

"So, if I concentrate my chakra, I can control it?"

"Again, yes and no. If you concentrate your chakra on a certain point on your body, you can get something to stick to you like a leaf. Or vise versa. Most of those techniques help you build your chakra reserves, and refine your technique, so when you do jutsus, you could accurately take a guess of how much chakra it needs."

"So different jutsus use different amounts of chakra?"

"Yes, and they're based on ranks of E through A, and then the S-class jutsu. All those are just indications of how hard those jutsus are to do, or how much chakra is needed."

"Okay, I get the hard part, but you're saying that a really easy jutsu could be like A-class, because of how much chakra it takes. I don't get that."

"That's because you didn't let me finish. Now then, most of the techniques you'll learn at the academy, -in the third or fourth year mind you- will be E-rank. Then there are a couple of D-rank jutsus that will become available when you become a genin. When you're a chunin you start getting into the C-rank jutsus, most of those are really basic elemental jutsu. The B-rank jutsus tend to be more for jonin, or really advanced chunin. The A-ranks are specifically taught only to jonin, or it is up to whoever knows the technique or techniques. Now then most of the S-rank jutsus, are kinjutsus, based on moral grounds, or the fact that they're sacrificial, or kill the user or something like that."

"Oh, thanks for explaining all that, so are you going to ask me about that stuff? I think I could answer that stuff."

The chunin wanted to smile. '_That's a really smart kid. Making me explain it for him.'_Now for the kicker. "Now what do you know about the ninja hierarchy?"

"High-arch-key? Wha-?"

"Chain of command. Who can order who. That sort of stuff."

"Uh, well the Hokage is on top, 'cause he's like the best ninja here, followed by the masked guys, then you've got the ninjas like dude-san, followed by you, then the academy graduates, then the students."

The chunin's grey-green eye was twitching. '_He's correct, which is kind of amazing considering he has no formal education on this.'_Outside of the chunin's thoughts, he went and asked, "So what are those classes actually called?"

"Uh, you've got the students, the graduates, the chunin, the jonin, and then the Kage."

"Let's clear this up. Starting from the top, you've got the Kage, followed by the ANBU, the Jonin, the special jonin, the chunin, the genin, and the ninja cadets." The chunin explained.

"Oh, so that's what they're called. I didn't know. Gomen."

"Oh, gaki don't start 'gomen'-ing me. You just didn't know. No problem at all. Now then, let's do the actual test."

"Actual test?"

"Yeah, think of this as a cross between a quick review and quiz. Now then, let's get you started."

Naruto had the feeling that he was going to hate paper tests, forever more.

* * *

**Later that day...**

"So, you gave a little child the final _written_test, for the last year of the academy?" The Hokage asked, slightly perturbed that such a hard test would be given to such a young kid.

"Ah, yes sir. It was the best way to test him, in my opinion."

"And what did you find out?"

"That I'll be spending the next three to five months teaching the kid how to read and write properly. His math is good, excellent in some areas even, he just doesn't know what to do to solve the problems."

The aged Hokage mused over what to do with the orphanage people, and their many failures. That would go to his mental to-do list. "Anything else?"

"He shows an astonding understanding about the cause and effect principle."

"He does?" The Hokage said darkly. The Hokage could only imagine what had been done when he hadn't been watching, to cause him to have such understanding. Yep, the orphanage people definitely got knocked a few spots up on his to-do list.

"Yes, given a situation, he could think of several possibilities that even I couldn't, Hokage-sama. Even with his extremely limited knowledge."

"Like, what?"

"Oh, this and that." The chunin said.

The Hokage inwardly groaned, the 'Razor' Kamisori could be extremely tight-lipped about certain things. This interview, for nothing involving the guy could be said to be a report, was going to go on for a while.

* * *

**In a certain child's mind...**

The Kyuubi was sort of pissed at the gaki, somewhat pissed at himself and the mostly pissed off at the seal. The seal, couldn't really do _anything_to really get onto his nerves yet, considering it hasn't yet spoken to him, so it couldn't insult him, it couldn't get out of the paper yet, so it couldn't poke at him or something like that, it was just its existence. It might also have to deal with the face on the back of the seal's smile. It just wore a nice, 'I-know-something-you-don't-and-it's-gonna-wreck-your-future' smile.

How Kyuubi knew it was _that_ kind of smile, no one mortal knows. Well, yet. To make matters worse the face on the seal, was that of the guy who sealed him in here.

'_Stupid seal, how would I love to turn you into confetti, and dance as your shreds float down. That would be lovely. Then I get to go and burn that stupid village to the ground.'_The Kyuubi ended that happy thought as it glared at the seal.

A wisper echoed to him, his ears weren't just for decoration you know, so he heard it, "Love to... see you... try."

The Kyuubi lunged at the cage, getting fried in the process. He now had a nice burnt fur smell going on strong, and was covered in some soot.

Okay screw his anger at having a stupid container, his own anger at still being behind bars. His main anger was now directed at the stupid seal that had ruined his fur. Didn't the seal not realize how hard it was to get his 'fur' in that way? He vocalized it thus."YOU MOTHERFUCKING SEAL!!! I FUCKING WANT OUT!!!! LET ME OUT DAMMIT!!!!!"

Kyuubi then went on a rant that would make Tayuya proud.

* * *

**Sound Village...**

A child that looked to be in the age range of 8-11 named Tayuya was in a training match with her future members of the sound four/five. She sneezed. That small opening, allowed her to lose that spar. Therefore she yelled, "You fucking shithole spider! Don't you dare snicker! You too fatass, either! You, you twined mother-fucker, don't either of you think about it! You, over there, don't you dare act haughty, you damn walking skeleton! I've had enough of your superior than thou shit!"

The guy who was watching the young people spar, sighed. There was not enough soap in the world to wash her mouth out with.

* * *

**With Naruto...**

He had figured out that he had a never before seen burning, passionate, hatred of paper tests. It matched the level of hatred that was specifically held for a select few things/people. That would be people who didn't like ramen, people who lied to him, people who hurt others for no good reason, and people who burned the food of the gods, a.k.a. ramen. Or that's what he called it.

He didn't know that if he could speak to the Kyuubi, the Kyuubi would say that he loved ramen as well, -since it was food of the gods, and he would know since he'd been to a couple of the god's/goddess' parties, who despite being gods couldn't cook to save themselves, they'd just manifest it- when he was in humanoid form, or if Sarutobi would ever tell him who his parents were and he were to ask what his parent's favorite food was, he would reply 'ramen.'

In the mean time, he was finishing his wall. It's pretty hard to belive that he, Naruto, could paint this mural, from memory of a picture he'd once seen in a newspaper.

If he had to go to class every day, he could "finish" it in about three weeks or so. Three weeks or so to finish the mural of the village. It had to have been the best mural of the Konoha in existence, that he knew of.

Once he'd finished it, he wouldn't hide anymore. He'd show them all. But for now, it was getting late. The sun had just set, for Kami's sake.

* * *

**A secluded part of the God's realm...**

"Okay, I bet these guy's souls" A goddess said. Her voice ringing hollow.

"Then I raise you, these. Poor souls, may your friends and family weep at your passing." Another goddess said. Her voice causing a flicker of sadness to appear on the other gathered goddess' faces.

"I fold." Said a third goddess. Her voice caused everyone nearby to want to jump in happiness.

"I, I'm going to raise these then."

The first goddess blinked at the goddess who had just said that. She was in the top five contenders of most powerful goddess, who strangely enough, wasn't worshipped. Then again, this was the non-worshipped goddess game. As in no specific temples or rituals were dedicated to them. Well, maybe the last one, but that was all on the part of the individual. The game was held every Saturday night.

"Lady Luck, worried about a bet?" The first said, in a bored hollow tone.

"It is possible that on rare occasions I lose, Shinigami-san."

"Well, it did happen a really long, long time ago. She lost a bet with a mortal. Yep, yep! The mortal then won luck for him and anyone in his line, as long as they didn't become professional gamblers. Then they would lose, lose, lose!" The third goddess who spoke said, with undue happiness.

"Well, I didn't know that." Said the second goddess. Her entire figure, -although beautiful,- spoke of misery untold.

A fifth goddess drifted into the room. As she was one of the top goddesses. She was greeted with respect.

"Hey, Shin-chan, do you have any idea what happened to my cute tailed vassal?" She asked.

"Uh, actually I do. I'll tell you once we're out of earshot."

As they quickly materialized to Limbo where the Shinigami, and her employees lived, as in they did the work so she didn't have to -a big thank you to the person who came up with demon contracts-, which bounded the poor person/demon/thing who signed such a contract, for a century and a millenia or so. Depending on the contract.

If it was under five centuries, then the person was called a 'summer' shinigami, seeing as how the Shinigami absolved all crimes when you signed up, there was quite a lot of 'summer' Shinigami. Whatever crimes you were convicted of when you went first to get the job was prevented by the fact that the contract was made by using the primal powers. As in, you violated the contract i.e. not reaching your requisite quota, lazing on the job, committing the crimes that made you come to the Shinigami in the first place ect., you were obliterated. Soul, body, possilbly even your very atoms. The Shinigami base was in Limbo. Mostly because Limbo connected to ALLrealms, planes, and dimensions of exsistance.

However Limbo is called Limbo for a reason. It is fucking crazy central. You have to be crazy or dead or desperate or have a God's or _really high _ranking demon's favor, to survive for more than an hour in there. Honestly, if it can _rain_ tulips up from a pink cloud that has a _chocolate Easter bunny _driving it, along with a bunch of neon-green marshmallow puffs and hot chocolate on the cloud bus. Anymore description would make you lose your mind. So I'm not going to tell you about the talking, fighting, chicken, that has a sword and could use it, or the polka dotted vines that ate the pillow bush. As in there were pillows growing off the bush.

"SO, Shinigami-chan, what happened to my plushie fox?" The one goddess asked.

"Good news or bad news or so-so news first?"

"Let's work our way up."

"Okay, bad news first. The Kyuubi's been sealed inside a cute, -for a mortal- little blond kid, who if the kid dies, so does your fuzzy. The so-so news, is that the kid is not defenseless, I've got a reaper on stand-by to kill any major threats. Also belonging in the so-so news category is the fact that, the Kyuubi tampered a little with the seal, and according to a couple of my reapers, is where another piece of so-so news is. The seal had a nice back-up plan. The mortal that designed it was a genius in a class of his own. -He managed to escape most of the precautions we gods took after _that_happened- Since Kyuubi tampered with the original plan, it went to the secondary plan." She explained the seal's secondary measure.

"So the good news about my fuzzy is?"

"It's sort of good news. It's kind of hard to explain."

"Then give me a metaphor then."

Lady Death gave a metaphor that explained it well. After getting a few questions answered the Liege lady of the Kyuubi asked, "So what would happen if the kid did die?"

"Uh, that would be kind of hard considering the Kyuubi's and the seal's survival instincts. You'd be lucky to hurt him majorly enough to draw blood once they're able to manifest, with some work on both sides, which would be in a decade or so. Maybe two decades. Well the Kyuubi will be able too, the seal would take maybe a few years later. In the meantime he's just fixing all the injuries that he sustains."

"Oh, wait, what is the mortal doing that causes himself harm?"

"Not him, other idiots that have the intelligence and capacity of small, no that's an insult to rodents, so I won't say that. I did give a special appearance, which should have scared some sense into them, but no, they had to have a nice genocide of higher-thinking individuals. Death of the mind is not a pretty thing."

"Death of the mind?" The goddess asked.

"Never mind. Morgue humor. If you have any questions ask my brother who deals with the day to day running of death and rebirth and the underworld."

"The guy who speaks, LIKE THIS?" She asked doing a fair impression of him. "And he has those mismatched eyes too."

"Yep. He's much better at multitasking and such. Also tell him not to touch my umbrella stand, if you do."

"You have an umbrella stand?" Such a useless peice of furniture. Wait, she had furniture, so that meant she had a house. Death's House, -she, as a goddess could tell it would be said that way- would be interesting.

"I like my umbrella stand. It holds my scythe and my other weapons, like my sword. I only use my sword if I don't feel like using my scythe. Which is pretty rare, considering I rarely have to do my job at all. Only on the big jobs now, like stars, planets, solar systems, and whatever massacures I feel like attending to. Starsteel is such a handy material." The Lady of Death smiled, joyfully. She then changed her clothes into her 'official' Shinigami uniform. She had a mask, pushed to the side that looked to be a demon's face contorting in agony, and loose clothes, and a few weapons she manifested. Her soft features became wax-like and she grew a bit more corpse-like, and her nails became longer by a few inches, while her hair went to uneven lengths.

"Ah, delegating is such a beautiful thing." She moved some of her hair behind her ear. "Like, I dunno a skull named 'Bram Stocker.' You have to admit it's a cute skull." She pointed to the skull nailed in the tree that had walked up. As in had human legs and was wearing running shoes.

"I like the fake fangs." She said.

"I do too. However the vamps didn't like him. Something about ruining their image for Hollywood a long time before Hollywood was made,and fell."

"What did the guy do?"

"Wrote a book. It shows you that you should always write smut if anything at all." With that the goddess of death pulled out a bright orange book. It made a strange picture all together. The Goddess of death, reading a romance novel, if it could be called a romance, while having her tools of the job on her person, and in her 'uniform.'

"You read that?" She asked.

"Why not?"

"Don't you already know what is in there?"

"Yep. I just like it."

The Kyuubi's Liege lady manifested herself elsewhere. She then joined the other goddess' poker game despite the fact that she had holidays dedicated to her. It became a Saturday night ritual, which sucked for the people who died on Monday, since that would tell you who won the game, if one did a little legwork, and research.

**Wherever Jirayia is...**

Jiraiyia just felt a strong shudder creep across his back. Like some one was doing river dance on his grave.

He then shook off the feeling, and went back to his 'research.'

With this next book, even the god's would love it.

He just didn't know how much they loved it.

* * *

A/N; Things get more complicated for Naruto. However none of it effects him now, and not for a while. Next we have a nice time skip for a couple of years. I'd also like to thank one of my **few **reviewers, who guessed one of the jutsus for the nice little prize, or getting this chapter early. YOU know who you are.

Naruto; "So, why are you skipping ahead?"

Me; "Because then I could flash back and annoy everyone with them."

Naruto; "That's not fair."

Me; "Please, the way things are planned out, you'll still be little for a little while."

Naruto; "I'm not that little." *grumbles*

Me; "Sure, sure, you won't be fifteen until like chapters, 25ish-30ish. Depending on how I divi up my chappies."

Naruto; "Not fair."

Me; "Who said life was fair? Anyway, next chapter, Chapter 6- Clown's Entrance! Behold the Prank Master!"

Naruto; "Is that really the chapter title?"

Me; "Nah, I doing it to see if I could score some reviews. I've got plenty of fav story/author, and story/author alerts. Just like nine reviews. So sad." *cries*


	6. Chapter 6

A/N; Yay! Sixth chapter. This one I sort of enjoy. Excluding the typing part of it. Typing I still hate. And this chapter employed a lot of it. Be warned, it's a doozy.

* * *

Chapter 6- Clown's Entrance.

It had been about six or so years since Naruto had started the academy. He had a small problem with the first year since his reading and writing skills weren't up to par with the rest of them. He also had a few problems in the first year's physical conditioning, since the other students were older than him, and thus bigger. So he worked at the physical stuff, early in the day. Way earlier than most people wanted to contemplate getting up at. Unless you were pretty much insane.

That's where he came up with the idea of failing the genin exam for the first time, after all, while there were kids who had graduated early most were given grudging respect by others but they had no true bonds. That Naruto learned from Itachi, when he had stopped by at his apartment at odd times. They made the perfect shinobi, but when you've been schooled your whole life in deception, and to not let your emotions get in the way of anything, it is hard to forget all that conditioning and make friends or even acquaintances.

So while he passed he did the bare minimum to get to the gennin exam the first time. Then he failed the test. The sad thing was he didn't even try. His bushin was just that pathetic. Then again it may have been the prank that he'd pulled on the teacher the day before the exam that morning, which made the teacher adjust his test scores.

Of course he was ten or so by that time, so he enjoyed the next class he was in. He loved that bit of illegal paper shuffling. He managed to get in a decent class, with somewhat decent to him, teachers. After all, the academy graduated a class every three or four months or so, how else would you get the ninja force that Konoha has if you only pass a third or so of every graduating class as gennin? Of, course that was a rumor that had been going on for a while.

That class had a few intresting people in it, just not very many. Only a couple of them had the real stuff that made a ninja. Having known some very awesome ninja, he knew what they needed, but that was up for debate about how much some one could change.

Speaking of debates, he and a guy in _that_class had very many and interesting ones. It left a couple of other students in the class amazed when one or two specific arguments disrupted class. Most of the others in the class just got headaches. As the Shinigami said in the last chapter, death of the mind is a horrible thing.

The day before he failed that gennin exam, this time on purpose, because he now had the chakra control it took, thanks to his debate partner, to properly make a bushin. Of course, him telling his debate partner that, made a minor debate in and of itself, but when challenged, he ended it with, "I'm still ten, if I graduate with the next class, that has any potential past chunin, later on, I'll still be the youngest in the class that has anyone that would make it in the ninja world."

The class that he was joining today, -thanks to a nice illegal paper shuffle he'd pulled- _supposedly_ had a lot of talent. It was filled with clan heirs, or people in line to be heirs. He used the word 'supposedly' because he knew from observation, that most rookies of the year, were over-arrogant, along with any people with a clan. Those who didn't have clans often mulled and said they sucked because of it.

Going from the files that he looked at, thank you Itachi for teaching him how to B&E, like an ANBU,_ for a birthday present -his __sixth__ birthday mind you-_, and going over those files, he had a good idea of who would be good, who would be excellent, and who could be if they ever went at it.

Presently, after a couple of days of observation of the class from atop the school roof, and hearing them do whatever they deemed worth doing, he decided, that they could be excellent ninjas, but lacked motivation. Oh, he'd shake up the class for sure. That led to now.

--

Iruka, was trying to quiet the class, which was easier said then done, went and did the jutsu that he was quite famous for in the academy circles, that done, the class had now shut up.

Mizuki, his teaching assistant wrote down who would get detention, or who would go first in whatever. This was allowed because the real world was much worse, than whatever the academy could throw at them.

Iruka cleared his throat, "Now settle down, and listen up, today we have a new student. He has failed the gennin exam but still wishes to try to prove he could be a viable ninja. That kind of determination is to be applauded. That kind of determination is what separates the good ninjas I hope you all will eventually be from the excellent ninjas that some of you will be. Now then I'll introduce to you-"

"Who cares! He has to be a loser! To fail the gennin exam like that!" Kiba said.

--

That comment was what made Naruto decide to prank him, hard. He had heard the brash boy's voice many a times during his few days observation. He knew that voice. Thus he did a simple henge, and opened the door.

--

To say Kiba was flabbergasted when Hana opened the door was an understatement. She had already made chunin, so what was she doing here?

"Sis? What are you doing here?" He shouted

"Nothing much, just that MOM may want to have WORDS with you about your recent REPORT. She then muttered something about cleaning ALL the kennels by YOURSELF, and then unleashing the DOGS OF WAR on YOUR BUTT! Not to mention all the DOG HOUSE and neutering threats she threw in."

"WHAT!?" Kiba sputtered. "S-she can't be serious!? Is she!? That's so not fair! Sis, you have to help me out!"

After that, Hana vanished laughing in a puff of smoke revealing a blond boy. He was wearing a white shirt with brown pants and a civilian style brown vest. He was also wearing strangely enough headphones. Not that you could readily tell, his hair spiky as it was hid most of the headphones, and the rest of his blond hair was tied into a short, fluffy ponytail. Well, what could reach in and decided to stay in the ponytail. "I can't believe he fell for that, couldn't you smell the difference?"

"Ugh, well," Kiba was now the spotlight of attention. Time to look cool. "I know that, it's just that you did that, and I just went along to make you lift your disguise."

"I think your dog says something different Kiba." Shino coldly pointed out, a row behind Kiba and some seats to the right. Putting the spotlight on the dog for the moment.

Akamaru was currently begging for pettings, and receiving them.

"Akamaru! YOU TRAITOR!"

Akamaru then barked something back at Kiba.

"You really smell Hana on him?" Kiba asked. Getting an affirmative he then went back to brash Kiba. "Okay, blondie! Where did you meet my sister!?"

"Well, when you do a class transfer or other paperwork involving this place you turn it into the office. I ran into her while your, I think it was anyway, mom was with the principal."

With this information, Kiba eyes widened and he dashed out of the room.

A few stunned moments later, Naruto went and said, rather embarrassed, "I didn't think he'd fall for that one too."

Someone in the class asked which one.

"The nice lie involving Kiba's mom and sister. I actually ran into her in the market this morning." Of course the rest of the class didn't hear the last part, they were too busy laughing.

"Naruto," Mizuki warned, "You're getting detention for disrupting class, and pranking a fellow classmate."

"Sorry sensei." Naruto said, not sorry in the slightest, "But, I really didn't think he'd fall for that last one." He said unabashed, then he continued, "So where should I sit?"

"Just find any old seat, Naruto. But first introduce yourself." Iruka said.

"Um, sure. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and it's nice to meet you all."

Iruka went and reviewed his actions against the guy. At the moment though, Iruka wanted to test him. He had heard from a couple of instructors that he could have passed last year, just decided not to. The reason was said to be if he did graduate this year, in this class, he'd still be the youngest.

Tomorrow would be interesting as people would tell their parents what went on, and who was now in their class. With a prank like that one, which got Iruka-certified from his inner prankster, they'd be sure to talk it up. Then depending on the parents a couple of things would happen. Especially the ones with civilian parents, they held trust with the Yondiame's seal, but not as much as the ninja community did. Then again, they were civilians. They didn't know what was fully possible in the ninja world. No one fully did.

This in and of itself would be interesting. "Okay, when Kiba gets back, we'll go outside and do target practice. After that, we'll go and practice our taijutsu."

Mizuki, who was having darker thoughts than his fellow teacher, then thought, '_Now time to humiliate the Kyuubi-kid.'

* * *

___

**About an hour and a half later...**

Mizuki's plan had sort of backfired. He had given the kid deficient kunai, and after the brat had looked over the kunai, he had managed to get on target about eighty five percent of the time.

When they had sparred, he found out that Naruto had adapted the academy taijutsu into a rough, yet elegant, taijutsu style. Most noted about it was the fact that it was pretty hard to grab hold of him, hit him, or block him, because the style favored a hard debilitating hit followed by several rapid softer hits, in the same area.

However, he had managed to call Naruto on several blows, earning him another sparring session later, in which he, Mizuki would be able to beat the crap out of him in.

Now they had a half-hour long break for lunch and then they would be back to class work.

* * *

**With Naruto...**

Naruto was not having a nice day. First off, he'd been given detention for pranking Kiba, it was really good one too! They could have used it as an example of how the _Henge no jutsu_could be used to infiltrate places. But when he explained it to Mizuki, he was still was given detention. Hell, the mutt should always check who the person was. Not his fault the dog-boy was an idiot. The dog at least knew duplicity. He wouldn't be surprised if the ownership thing was the other way around. The dog owning the human.

Second there was Mizuki. The guy just rubbed him wrong. He'd tried to humiliate him in target practice by giving him crap kunai, which thanks to one of his old class mates he could throw just about anything throw-able and some things not really considered 'throwable' with passing accuracy.

Next, Mizuki, -again-, tried to decimate him in taijutsu. Honestly, if he didn't have a bruise on his arm from where he hit him, he didn't love ramen. Not that the bruise was gonna stay there long. He was going to pass on the whole sparring session later. It was doubtful they'd 'spar.' It was more like the chunin, -with the possibilities of some buddies or people with a common cause- would try to beatdown on him. His whole style was based on a strong strike, and several weaker strikes in the same area, eventually strengthening those weak strikes until it made his opponet useless. Needless to say, it was sort of a rapid graceful brawling style.

Now he was getting pissed on by deviating from the academy taijutsu. Whatever, that didn't really bother him too much. What would bother him was the fact that Mizuki would undoubtedly mess with his grades in class. Not that, it was much different from what some other teachers did. However they quickly learned that if they were too damn obvious they would pay for it. The price was all sense of dignity and pride. On some occasions it was integrity, honor, and one person's self-worth. That was fun in a sick sort of way.

Oh, well. Mizuki, you silver haired bastard, you're going to get it. I will make your life hell. Starting in a week or so, I need to swipe another camera first. Survallence and survey, here we come.

* * *

**Classroom...**

Iruka was busy teaching. Naruto was doodle-ing in his notebook. Mizuki, seeing Naruto not paying attention, gave a subtle signal to Iruka.

Iruka paused, and asked, "Now Naruto can you repeat what I just said?"

Naruto did, paraphrasing on some of it. Iruka watched as Naruto's paraphrased lecture allowed some of the others to grasp the concept.

Of course, some other students already knew all about it, and thus tuned it out. Dismissing him as a show-off.

Iruka nodded. The kid was pretty smart. How smart, who knew. It was pretty common occurrence for some of Naruto's previous teachers to mess with his grades. He then went and assigned homework about the weather, and how it could effect the mission.

Then, Iruka went a gave a pop quiz. The class predictably groaned. As he had Mizuki pass out the papers he watched Naruto. Naruto had groaned as the paper was handed out to him,

However he did as the rest of them did, and went to work on his paper. The quiz, was thirty short-essay questions, with ten definition questions on different areas on ninja life and one situation question. Followed by a couple of math questions. The academy's reputation was well earned.

Naruto worked through it a moderately quick pace, answering all. He saved the situation question for last, as in after he'd finished a small cat doodle on the back of the second page in the upper corner. He finished the question just as Iruka called time, and dismissed them all, unless they had detention or something.

Naruto walked up front sullenly and asked what did he have to do for detention. "Okay, Naruto, I need a hundred write-offs on the blackboard saying, 'I will not prank or disturb my classmates, and the learning environment that the academy provides for all.' Now, remember a hundred times."

Naruto glumly got to work on his write-offs, not believing that gutter shit for a a hundred thousand ryou. As he worked two lines at a time, holding the chalk pieces a certain way. At a little past halfway, the second piece of chalk broke ending his two a time approach. Or at least that way. Now, he just held one in each hand, and did two lines at a time. This way was a bit harder to do than the two pieces in one hand approach, mostly because it still had to be legible, and look alike. The coordination required was a bitch and a half. He'd mastered the technique though.

All in all, he managed to do all his write-offs in half the time. So, using the extra time, he went and left a quick half minute doodle and a message on the other board. He then raced out, saying he was done.

A few seconds later, after Naruto was in the clear, a cry rang out, "NARUTO!!!"

Iruka erased the picture and message on the blackboard, wondering what Naruto meant by '_Never trust a thing I say. Unless it has the grace of a feline.'_So why did he draw a picture of Akamaru holding a leash on Kiba, who was pissing like a dog on a conveniently placed fire hydrant?

* * *

**Naruto's apartment...**

Naruto had raced back to his apartment building, locking the front door behind him. When he had want or need to, the place could be a small fortress.

The door had several locks on it, like normal people's, but then his door wasn't made to keep out normal. His door had several dead-bolts, scattered around the frame and beyond. This way if anyone had the bright idea to get at the hinges, -not that they readily could- and the door was unhinged, they'd still have to remove the door. The only way that would happen was if they splintered it or jutsu'd it.

His apartment, in fact the whole building was empty. Why? Well, originally the owner died, and left no heirs to it, and then when the orphanage kicked him out, he was placed in here. A pretty old property law said that if a person lived for five years on an unclaimed lot, it was theirs.

Having his and Itachi's lawyer buddy do a little illegal paper shuffle, it was marked unclaimed. That was about six years ago. So for the past year or so, as the owner, he'd slowly been renovating the place.

He really couldn't do much, since he couldn't get all the permits, -not that he as the owner need them now- or help or the supplies for the most part. But now the place had the walls fixed, and painted. He also had a nice security system set up to his apartment.

His little sublet, that he spent most of his time in was on the top floor. In the corner next to the fire escape.

But, back to the security system that he'd designed thanks to the nice book on sealing he had stolen from the Hokage, his security was top-notch. There was his nice, stay-out, area-effect, starting and reaching out maybe ten feet or so from his building, popping up occasionally, on timers in other spots of the building as well. Giving a certain foreboding, and haunting air.

The next feature was the lock-down. Which would, quarantine whoever in a certain area. His favorite measure however, was not the 'key' recoginicition programed on the door, but the genjutsu seals that he made. He sucked at regular genjutsu but that was because his control stillsucked. Seals controlled the amount that was regulated in the genjutsu, along with other seals which would absorb chakra that would be released when genjutsu was dispelled. It would then go to a different genjutsu. It had about seventy options or so to chose from. Those options ran based on the information the 'scan' seals, on the doors, windows and some walls provided.

As Itachi had once commented, after a test run, 'I'd be surprised if you couldn't stop an army of ANBU level ninja, led by a kage in here.'

He had responded, 'I was aiming for a mob, but army will work.'

Now then, all he had to do was wait for tomorrow. That would decide if any of his classmates were worth his effort to pass.

Why you might ask?

Naruto gave an extremely disturbing Cheshire cat grin.

* * *

**With de Fuzzy...**

The Kyuubi really hated the seal. As in the level of hatred that was reserved for the blondie who stuck him in here in the first place. Of coarse he and the seal, who looked picture perfect for the blond, had exchanged many insults since the seal had become active. Well, active enough to exchange insults.

"Stupid piece of paper." He muttered.

"Baka-fox." The seal responded.

"Ignoring you, damnable seal. I'll have confetti rain down yet."

"Yeah, right!" The seal shot back at him, laughing all the while. "You underestimate the seal's creator's genius!"

"You're talking in third person. That's weird on guys. On girls it's cute. Guys it's just weird. Ignoring you."

The seal growled out several oaths.

Kyuubi successfully ignored him, integrating himself in the blond's senses. The little guy's life had gotten complicated as he had grown up, intergrating himself in both 'human' society, and the supernatural society. He wondered if the little guy could successfully lead the double life with the ninjas unaware of his non-human friends.

* * *

**Naruto's apartment roof...**

He was watching the clouds on top of the roof. It was a nice relaxing hobby of his. In fact most of his hobbies were. Well, when they weren't giving him problems like a couple of side projects he had going on.

At the moment he wished that Itachi was here. After the whole sale slaughter of the Uchiha clan, he could understand. He was busy. Still didn't stop him from missing him though.

Hell, Itachi had gotten in the habit of hanging out with him at times, despite the age, skill, and status difference. The two talked like two old men that had been through a war together. Often philosophising and bringing up some memories. Example, the geisha he'd painted on the police building using the Uchiha crest as a fan. Or problems that they had going on. Naruto was probably the only guy in Konoha who knew the_real_truth of what went on _that_ night.

Itachi had fixed some of his problems, like the outrageously-super-good hearing that caused him many a headaches. Solution was the earphones he got for his fifth birthday as a late birthday present. He still wore them, mostly hidden by his hair. His sense of smell was a different thing. He just ignored most of the smells. His eyes adjusted really fast when exposed to light after total darkness. Hell, he could see perfectly in the dark.

The first week after dealing with the orphanage bullies, and his new headphones before getting kicked out in the street, Itachi had helped him seal his closet sized room up. As in, all his belongings were taken out, and transported to his new apartment that the chunin lawyer had set up for him. He found out about the illegal paper shuffle later. When 'Kamisori,' the ninja lawyer and his somewhat personal tutor, had presented him the deed to the place.

The door and windows of his closet bedroom at the orphanage were then locked with the Uchiha's special seal that kept outside elements from influencing the scene. Effectively, making it so that only an Uchiha, or really trusted friend of that clan could get in. Since _that_night the number of people who could get in and out dropped from almost three-hundred or so to under twenty. Which was pretty alright seeing how the Kyuubi had killed about two-fifths of his clan before they were all killed. Talk about a bad break.

Itachi had also got some of the locks that Naruto now had on his doors. After seeing how Naruto was usually treated. Hell, after Itachi had become ANBU he'd probably saved his tail several times.

He decided to stop reminiscing about the past, and do something about it. After all, he might be young, but his soul was an old, kind, caring one. So to fill his head with a buzz of music as he turned on a small machine that he'd found in the Hokage's tower's basement. After turning the the machine on, as low as it could play. Thank you for whoever made what was called an MP3.

The only problem was the life of the charge it had. The little cylinder he had figured out had to do with electricity, thanks to the fact that electricty was made out of positive and negative ions flowing along a wire which gave him the idea of the charge cell. So he'd gone through the basics of elemental chakra training with the elements, and after quite a bit of work, that was a lot more trouble than it would probably ever be worth, had managed to turn his chakra, into lightning chakra, using chakra to create a more potent form of itself, and channeled it into the little cilender. Snapping the little power cell into it and randomly pressing buttons, he had music.

The MP3 had made itself into a nice present for his ninth birthday when he had decided to hide in the tower's basement for the week. To say that he learned to keep cashes around the village was an understatement. He probably had enough equipment stashed to make a platoon or two of ninja envious. What was more was the fact that only a few people could ever find them. First off they'd have to accomplished in the sealing arts. Next they'd have to be the absolute best in genjutsu since that was what his stashes were firstly and finally hidden behind. Then third, you had to not get killed by the traps that protected the cash. Of course if you had one of Naruto's 'master' or his 'skeleton' keys you didn't have to worry about those problems, in fact they'd even help you find them, by twitching subtly.

Like his own personal twitch. It still pulled some of his back muscles when it happened. Like a super quick charlie horse. It hurt like hell, but not much more than when you had a spranged ankle and walked on it, and it sorted itself out a while later. It just happened really quick. He blithly wondered if the Kyuubi had been trying to get out or what. He knew his seal had mutated somewhat over time. After all, he did have a photographic memory when he chose to use it. What the mutations were doing he really had a really basic idea of, that was probably wrong.

If he was right, then by the time this year or the next was up, he could probably, freely, or in times of emotional distress, access a bit of the fox's chakra. He didn't know how much but it probably wasn't a full tail. Hell he might even be able to 'talk' to the damn thing. Eventually he might fully absorb the fuzzy bastard as he was originally suppose to.

The 'talking' thing had some problems to it. If he didn't establish that he was on top the Kyuubi could torment him, weaken his defences and take over. Or drive him insane. Or tutor him in the 'demonic' arts that only a demon lord knew, which brought a smile to his whiskered face. Maybe more along the lines of 'Ultra-secret, village scope of destruction' techniques. Hell, 'Kai' had taught him how to 'breathe' water, and how to fake drowning. That had surprisingly come in handy. Several times.

Once when a few people had left him -for dead- out in a forest he'd met the dryads, or the tree nymphs. Apparently, they had been in the fuedal type style, vassals of the Kyuubi. Since he held Kyuubi that meant he was above the Kyuubi, well for the moment. So in effect he ruled them. Well as much as any male could ever rule the matriarchal Dryads. They had taught him how to be in '_tune_' with the earth. However no mortal ever truly could, since the mortals required more heartbeats than once every twenty years.

In effect, in that week he'd spent with them, he had got more 'attuned' to the earth, its reservoirs, and thus the plants. He was told that he was the first male person, in almost a century to meet and receive this training of this skill. The other person being the first Hokage, whose mother was apparently dryad.

Being a powerful Dryad, invovled how in 'tune' with the world you were, and your mom being a Dryad, -even if she didn't know she was one. For some reason, the Dryad blood didn't carry well if you were male. The chances were like one in sixteen. Thus even if your great-great grandma was a Dryad, then her daughter was one too, even if she didn't get the 'training' of one. As long as the maternal line continued, all the girls/women would be considered Dryads. Any sons born to the women would carry the ability and be able to use it, but not able to pass it on.

What was really surprising was the fact that you could have the barest hint of a drop of Dryad blood in you, but be more powerful than 'full' Dryads. It all depended on how in 'tune' you were. If you were really in 'tune' with it you could identify humans from 'non-humans' and tell what they were, and as long as their feet touched the ground, -even by proxy if you were really in 'tune' with nature- and track them. You could hide from sight with a glamour, but not from nature. That ability, and the fact that 'nature' was everywhere made Dryads a force to be reckoned with.

What was really surprising was the fact of how many 'non-human' races lived in Konoha, seamlessly. Or he should be more specific, how many 'humans' were either descended or are not human.

The Nara, and Yamanaka families were excellent examples, as were most clans with bloodlines or specific abilities, but they were of the more _deadly, frightening_ kind.

Apparently, the Nara family was descended from 'Skin walkers.' Those 'Skin walkers' could by stepping into someone's or something's shadow go and take possession of it. It then had access to all the possessed person's or animal's memories. The shadow thing apparently copied and took the possessed thing's intelligence. Needless to say, the 'Skin walkers' were a pain to catch/kill seeing as how they could outwit you effortlessly. Other abilities that the Nara clan of old had access to was to make something their territory, their slave, by stepping on the thing's shadows, or in present time, making the shadow stretch and reach the other person's shadow. Apparently the shadow stealing the intellegence thing still worked if unconsciously. There were a couple of other abilities the 'Skin walkers' had but were a bit too disturbing to think about. Really, to make _your_ own shadow, fight you, and eventually kill _you_, was one twisted, but awesome ability.

On to the Yamanaka's bit of the example. The 'now' version of how they were, they could go in someone's mind, erase it, or find out information. All of that closely monitored by machines, for both the the mind walker and the poor guy getting his brain picked apart. The 'old' version could do that at the range of miles. They could place compulsions, and after messing around in your mind some, and getting used to your individual thought process, they could find you anywhere.

Even the Dryads couldn't do that. There was a limit to how in 'tune' with nature you could get before health complications arose. However they had a nice information system that they called the 'grapevine.' With that, they could coordinate well.

The 'old' Yamanakas could do the same thing, just faster and with 'allies' or people they had compelled, yanking out their free will, and leaving them as shells of the former people. They had all the skills of the person they used to be but they were unless they were told to act like they were before by 'burying' the compulsion. Basically, they could from the safe distance of a couple miles away, arrange a person on the inside of a sieged castle to open the gate. and allow the slaughter of the defenders to happen, especially if they were, 'compelled' to not kill the invaders. The 'now' Yamanaka's could do the same thing but their range was extremely limited to how far away you could spy your enemy.

They were commonly known as the 'Iscariot Magnus Valentia.' Or the mage's betraying love magicks. That name arouse through a really long story that took about a week for 'Kai' to tell fully. Apparently if the 'old' Yamanaka's were strong enough, they could get you to do anything, even kill your lover, hence the name. They were as a whole, bossy, brash, on top of things, or thought they were on top, and went with the people who offered the best chance of survival. It was how mage's politics worked. It's how most 'non-human' politics worked. You threw your lot in with the person who wasn't going to kill you. And then you plan to kill the person who just didn't kill you, unless you owe the person majorly.

Basically, he would have some problems when he had decent access to the Kyuubi's powers, providing he wasn't insane by that time, the age old primal instincts of the clans would click in. It's why he and Itachi clicked. Itachi was a 'throwback' to where the instincts of what he was decended from were much more prominent. Night stalkers, or more commonly known as the -he can't pronounce the word to remember it off the top of his head, mids or something like that-, or the whatever the hell you called them, were powerful and Itachi was a much closer match to them than the rest of his clan. However, their power paled when compared to Kyuubi. It was like comparing cheap yellow gold paint, to the real thing.

Basically, the few 'civilians' who he smiled to at all, when he just wasn't plain happy, was because they didn't want to get on the Kyuubi kid's bad side when he came into his, well, almost birthright. He had had it for most of his life after all. They treated him like a regular kid.

They had liked the fourth apparently, and obeyed his old man's last wishes, -it was almost impossible to keep secrets among the 'supernatural' society, too bad they didn't know where his mother was or if she was alive, or what happened to her corpse if she did die in the Kyuubi attack- even if they weren't carried out by the 'human' population. However he did have an uncle which surprised him, even if his uncle thought that his older sister had died long before she even came to Konoha.

He'd ask the old man Hokage later, like when he made chunin later, why he had kept such secrets from him. Hell, he'd looked up the Hokage's laws himself once, and after mulling over it a few days he had figured out the purpose of the laws. It wasn't the best job of cover-ups he had ever seen, but it worked in a panicked sort of patch way. However that wasn't the only reason, that the supernatural were nice to him. The suck-ups.

So much for hoping to have a 'normal' life. His stomach growled. He'd go to that ramen stand that was a front for a 'non-human' sanctuary. He didn't care that it was a front for that sort of stuff but the thing he really liked about it was the fact that violence was prohibited by the laws/rules/traditions of sanctuary. How that happened was thanks to a -something he couldn't pronounce- also known as a God-killer, High Judge, broker, and several other titles thanks to his interventions, who drew power from the primal source of the universe, pure unadulterated chaos. When those rules were violated, bad things happened.

The clan wars, that had ended with the establishment of the hidden villages, and the first two great ninja wars were started over stuff like that. 'Hunters' or 'wetboys' had got their 'thophies' or 'deaders' but were sloppy about it. Thus the shit hit the fan, and everyone got sucked in.

His life, as someone not even a gennin yet, was already complicated, and bound to be more complicated as his ninja rank and responsibility increased, as well as his active role in the politics of the 'underworld' or the 'supernatural' society while he aged, or not aged depending on his tenant. Hell, he was already short for his age group. Fuck, he hadn't even added in the fact that according to the Dryads, he was either a threat to a goddess the Kyuubi was a temporary vassal for, or the fact that the goddess might make him, her vassal. Which could eventually lead to her getting pissed at him for some imagined slight and him getting fucked up for good.

As he mentally cursed, he made his way to the ramen stand. Trying not to dwell of that fact, or any other facts of his screwed up life. Hell, as most 'non-humans' knew that balancing a 'human' life and a 'supernatural' life was like oil and water. Impossible.

There are many reasons for this but for the main thing that tended to screw up many was the fact that their 'base' forms weren't human. His was, and he intended to show the world, hidden or not, that the balancing act wasn't impossible. Of course, the longest runs were about twenty to thirty years, and on rare occasion to forty years of deception. He planned to do his balancing act just so, until he was ready.

When was that? How in the Hells, would he know? He didn't know, but in the meantime he was eating. Then he would sit on Yondy's stone head, and contemplate his life, and the pranks he would pull, and how best to exact revenge on Mizuki. One thing was for certain, whatever he did to Mizuki, couldn't be pinned on him, and that would take a bit of planning. So, thinking vengeful thoughts he went and got the food of the gods.

He had eight bowls of ramen. He was hungry. The father and daughter pair of shapeshifters smiled. He was their best customer after all.

* * *

A/N; longest chapter in this story yet. I did skip over a lot of years, and so in that time, him and 'Kai' have talked a lot seeing how his 'twitch' hits every time the Kyuubi gets bored -which happens a lot-, he has met the Dryads, who may or may not play an important part yet, and he is a lot more informed on things than cannon Naruto. Like who his father was, at the moment, he's just waiting for Sarutobi to tell him, or maybe he's waiting for the perfect moment to confront the old man.

Going on, Naroto is attempting the impossible, balancing his life with the 'normal' as a ninja, and the 'not-so normal' life that he has to deal with seeing as how he basically is considered a young demon lord. a.k.a. a walking natural disaster.

Naruto; I am not a walking natural disaster.

InsaneScriptist; You're kidding me. Maelstrom? Your very name invokes chaos.

Naruto; So? Chaos is needed, or else it would get very boring very quickly.

InsaneScriptist; I'll go to the next chapter, and show you what chaos does. It involves a roof.

Naruto; Really? So does that mean? I can kick ass!?

InsaneScriptist; No the chapter after that you can. Meybe.

Naruto; What do you mean by 'meybe'?

InsaneScriptist; Not much more than, I still have to type it and I might be combining the next few chapters that I had planned. That's all. So review damn it!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N; Welcome to the seventh chapter of Amaterasu. This is one of the (supposed to be) short chapters. Enjoy would ya' and review. It features a lot of angst from emo boy and the rest or the myriad emotions displayed by the rookie nine.

Also in one of my reviewers asked how strong Naruto is. Well, Naruto is probably at low-mid chunin strength, and could probably be special jonin (basically a special jonin is a chunin with a specific skills at or above the average for most jonins) level with a bit of work and a lot more training. Mostly all that's holding him back is practical experience and actually training with the jutsus, which he really can't do without drawing attention to himself, and also if he's not with the Hokage or otherwise seen visually he'll draw attention to himself. If you disappear for a week or so to train intensively don't you think that his ANBU watchers would notice?

He does know when he's being watched, and that's basically all the time till he was in the academy, and then in the afternoon after class, so he has to hide basically all the time thus he couldn't train, but he could read, and learn. Which basically means at the moment he's a lot like Sakura, weak because of lack of training, those that he could actually train with, once he's not being watched he can do, thus the low-mid chunin/ special jonin rank. He could possibly do a lot more destructive jutsus, but he can't train with them because it's a sign that he could do a lot more than he's letting on, which he doesn't want. Since the ANBU would report it. I mean if a training ground is torn up and only one person had used it you'd have to wonder ne?

His planning skills are good but not as good as Shika's. His understanding of people is much higher though, which allows him guess what their reactions would be much better than Shikamaru could hope to achieve.

* * *

**Chapter 7; School Yard Charm. **

A rather broody boy walked home, to his mostly empty house. Mostly empty because because the ghosts of the past still haunted it. So now we watch one Sasuke Uchiha as he goes to the clan's private training ground.

His thoughts were something like this, '_Uzumaki Naruto, huh? According to Itachi that blond kid was, what were the words that Itachi used, ah. "Uzumaki Naruto is an enigma, shaded by secrets, and shrouded in suspicions." I don't see anything that would classify as any of that tripe. All I see is a dobe.'_

Then he remembered what their teacher was always preaching. Look underneath the underneath. So thinking that over, he thought first off, '_How does Itachi know him? On the surface you would never guess that the blond idiot would know Itachi. So how does Itachi know Naruto well enough to make such a statement.'_

With some more thought he decided that he lacked decent information, and thus he'd watch the blond surreptitiously during class so that the guy wouldn't cut into his training time. In fact, he might hang out at the school's training grounds, if today was anything to go by, then the blond would have detention almost everyday. '_Now, then how to get rid of the stalkers that would follow me around like I'm an open flame and they're moths?'_

_

* * *

  
_

A future legendary laze, and a future gormet walked home, they were talking of the day's events. Specifically of the new kid, and not his prank.

"So, Shika, what do you think of the new kid?" Chouji asked his slightly older friend.

Shikamaru sighed, "Troublesome kid. I think if today was any judge of the guy, he has way too many tricks and secrets up his sleves."

"What makes you say that?" He wasn't going to point out that he was wearing short sleeves.

"Hana and her mom go to the markets on Wensday. According to my mom anyway. Today, is?"

"Uh, it's Friday."

"So you see my point?"

"No, they could have forgotten to get something or were busy on Wensday."

"I think the kid is like a what would be a good example? Troublesome. But back to example, think of those crystals with the etchings inside of them. When you look at it from one side, it looks a certain image. Let's call this side 'determined'. Another side shows a different version of the image. Let's call that one 'sneak' and another side, 'prankster'. The fourth side is called 'stupid'. What I want to know is why does he have those different sides. But it's too troublesome to activly answer. I'll just watch him, the troublesome guy."

"Isn't that insulting? Calling him 'stupid' in the metophor? He did answer the question that Iruka threw at him."

"It's repition. Sure, he paraphrased it, but my idea is that he doesn't like to do anything at all involving a pencil and his hand, unless it's drawing, 'cause I saw his notebook. There is his notes, with pictures surronding and sometimes overlapping his notes. It's a good way to take notes on something you want to keep secret."

"I thought you were asleep through the whole quiz."

"You know my mom. She'd kill me, slowly if I didn't actually put something down."

"That's true Shika, but you could probably ace the entire academy if you tried."

"That's another thing entirely. I wanna stay with my best friend. Him, if you noticed, despite failing, at least once, is about the same age as us. If you go by height he might even be younger than you. Means he got into the academy early, which means he has got some nice skills even if he is hiding them."

"You and Ino can now crack on his age instead of mine thank you very much." Said Chouji, the youngest of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio.

"You're here. He, the troublesome guy he most definatly is, is not here. Besides, while I do make a few jokes on your age, Ino makes more of them than I do."

"Peanut butter cookies." Chouji said, in their own special code, since their moms would strangle them if she heard them cussing. Peanut butter cookies translated into pissy bitch crazy.

(don't feel like placing ruler...)

Ino sneezed. She hated a particular flower, because it always made her sneeze. Her thoughts were on the new kid. She wondered if she could get Sakura to go after that short loser so she could get Sasuke, then her thoughts wandered to her ambition and true love, Sasuke. He must have been thinking of her. Her sneeze was not from the flowers.

(don't feel like placing line...)

Shino and his bugs were having a discussion, well as much as they could. The bugs were humming with energy, and warnings. Something was odd about the new kid. '_Uzumaki Naruto, what secrets do you have? What makes my bugs wary of you_?'

He was an Amburame, he would unravel Naruto's secrets, one step at a time. First off, he would get some background information from his dad, if his dad had any at all on him. Then he would ask Naruto himself why his bugs said he was strange. If the direct approach did not work, then he would dig around, until he got to the bottom of that mystery.

If all else failed, well, he'd figure it out when he'd get there.

(don't feel like placing thingy...)

Hinata was happy that her secret crush, was now in her class. She'd get to tell Neji. After all, in a strange, Naruto sort of way, he had saved Neji from the fate of most branch members. Even if she didn't understand the stuff that Naruto had pulled when he had saved Neji. Whatever he had pulled allowed Neji to escape his fate. That was a strange day entirely.

What was even stranger was the fact that every Saturday evening, her father, Neji, and sometimes other branch members or a few of the more tolerant Hyuuga elders, or even Neji's team would sometimes join. The there was him, her crush, and they would talk about the strangest things. Like what was the fate of everyone? The only thing they could agree on that particular subject was death and taxes. They debated philosophy more or less, and other topics that had came up, based on whoever posed a question to the group. It was weird but totally possible, because of him. Hence her prior statement of, in a strange Naruto sort of way. He had his own rulebook and never worried about social graces, well a few of them he did but that was it.

He was clever, determined, and cute. He never let anything bother him, not even some degrading comment. _'Wait, d-did I just say c-cute!?' _A furious blush was on her cheecks as she walked home.

(don't feel like placing ruler...)

Kiba was pissed off at the new kid. He had made him look like a complete and total idiot. Hell, even his puppy, Akamaru had upstaged him. As he stomped back to the Inuzuka complex, he went into his sister's animal clinic. Determined to know where and when Naruto had met her.

"Hey, sis, do you know an Uzumaki Naruto?" He asked, a little less loud than usual.

"Yep. So how'd you meet him?" Hana asked, as she fed some of the animals they had temporarily, weather they were recovering from surgery or their owners were out of town and wanting their animal well taken care of.

"He's in my class. As in today."

"Ah." She said, as if that explained something of great importance.

"Just ah?"

"So he failed, again. Damn it. I really want him to make genin, so I can ask for a D-rank, so he could help with the animals here."

"You have trouble with the animals?" Shock couldn't even begin to cover Kiba's face's reaction.

"You ever try to give Kuromaru a shot?" Hana asked him.

"No, I'm not stupid." He scoffed.

"Well, when he's here all the animals pretty much listen to him. He also brings in a lot of injured strays, that some person has hurt, and he found."

"Really?"

"And a lot of lost pets. With him we find more lost pets than a Hyuuga could spot."

"Feh," Kiba scoffed, "So what did he bring in here today?"

"A parrot with a hurt wing, that swears every other squawk. In two dialects."

Kiba blinked. Naruto certainly hadn't mentioned that. "Well, he made me look like an idiot today. So I am gonna prank him back."

"How did he do that?" Hana asked with a cynical interest. So Kiba told his story, and then Hana pestered him for more details. Which he gave reluctantly, When he had finished, Hana sighed, "That's gonna be the biggest prank war that the academy has ever seen. I hope you know when to give up."

"No way I'll ever give up! I'll show him!"

"Just be careful, he once made a teacher quit from there, he pranks were so continuous, large-scale and public. Let's not forget public. Also, he probably has way more experience in that area, and is a lot more devious. He hasn't been pinned down yet for more than half, for most of his prank traps. In fact, there are rumors that he has gotten some ANBU members with his pranks."

"Well that just makes it more interesting. I'll get him for sure!"

(don't feel like placing ruler...)

Sakura was telling her parents about what happened today at school before she started on her homework. As she told her who it was, her mom told her to stay away from him. It was like her mom did a complete 180*, from happy-go-lucky and proud parent to forboding statuette of her mom.

Well, she's stay away from him, 'cause her mom asked her to, and she'd tell Ino-pig too. Although, why they wouldn't tell her caused her some confusion, she just said he was a bad kid. Although pranking Kiba could be constructed as bad, and he might be considered a bad influence, her mom wouldn't tell her why he was bad. Just saying he was a bad kid.

It caused her some small part of grief, as if even she thought about betraying him in such a small way. '_Betraying him?'_ she thought to herself.

Her inner self said, "He's not Sasuke, he's just an idiot who failed his genin test. A LOSER! There is no way for you to betray him, to betray him you would have to know him. You don't know such a loser, and he's so not worth our time! Hell yeah! So forget him and go after Sasuke, 'cause he's so much more awesome than that moron."

She agreed with her inner self, if only to reorient herself and shut her inner self up. She waved a quick greeting to her older sister as she went out to her job, althought why she worked was a question that Sakura had, for they were well off, but brushed that off, as an older sister proving herself thing since she'd failed the academy.

She then went and plotted how to get Sasuke to date her. Like her mom said she should.

(don't feel like placing line...)

Naruto, the subject of all the people's thoughts and discussions was having a small sneezing fit, on top of old Yondy's head. Sure, he had wanted to make an impression, but if he was going to judge by the amount of sneezes, most of the class must be talking about him.

Sneezing so much, made him decide to not do very many flashy entrances like that in the future.

Thus, he went and left the fourth's stone head, acquired a camera through legal means for once, if you consider under a henge legal, for nice shots of Mizuki, when he was pranked. Like blackmail photos that you had arranged. Thus the week or so before Mizuki's life became hell. He would do worse to him, than that teacher who he made quit.

* * *

**A few months later...**

"I know that there is a way out of this."

"Your move. But any way you move, in three turns I'll check you." One kid on a side of a shogi board said.

"Oh, shit." The other kid said. "There's a way out of this I know there is."

"I doubt that. Face it, you just lost." Said a pudgy spectator.

"Oh, there it is." Said the second kid. He then moved a piece.

The first kid made another move after a moment of deliberation.

The second kid made another move after a few seconds of thinking it through. "I think that that makes check on you."

"Troublesome." The first kid said, now identified as a Nara. The Nara moved a piece, after a few moments worth of thought.

The second kid moved a piece and captured the Nara's king. "And mate."

The Nara kid's jaw gaped open.

"Shika?" The spectator asked.

"I-, I lost!?!?!?"

"Remember the bet?" The second kid asked. A huge grin plastered on his face.

"Troublesome. But I'll do it Naruto."

"Good. Knew I could count on you."

"So why are you being so troublesome?" Shikamaru asked. For those not fluent in Nara, it meant, 'so why are you continuing on in such a waste of time, you could be sleeping?' Sleeping was considered holy to Nara. To wake one up was to get Kage Mane and then strangled.

"Oh, he started it." The winner stated.

"I thought you did." Said spectator.

"No he opened his big mouth. That's what did it. Besides I'm pretty sure it doesn't fall under animal cruelty since Akamaru owns him, Chouji." Naruto said.

"Cruel dude, just cruel." Chouji said.

"Maybe he'll stop so I can go on with what I had originally planned. I didn't plan this stupid prank war."

"I have a question about one of your pranks." Shikamaru said.

"Which one?"

"The roof one." As in the whole roof for a section of the academy was gone.

"Ah," He said fondly, his body language portraying fondness. "That was a bit of work." It was. But it was actually easier done than said, strangely enough. Remembering that day, he grinned.

"It rained that day." Shikamaru complained, sounding somewhat threatening since being really threatening was to troublesome.

"That's why I had an umbrella."

"What was the point of all that?" Chouji asked.

"You didn't see the 'Take a shower' note. It was kind of graffettied on that one wall."

"I want to know why some _other_ people had umbrellas and some didn't." Shikamaru said. He had gotten soaked.

"It was a weekend job. The roof anyway. I visit Hinata's cousin, since he was an old classmate of mine, on Saturday. Afterwards he probably warned Hinata. She probably told Shino, or Shino knew ahead of time. Their clan complexes are pretty close together. Shino having to pass by Hinata's almost every day on the way here." He wouldn't mention that he'd gotten lost in the Aburame's compound more times than he could count when he short cutted across their orchards. Hence why he had stopped short cutting through there.

"And you didn't warn us?" Chouji said.

"I didn't see you guys to warn you." Naruto said. "Otherwise I would have."

"Next time do." Shikamaru reminded him.

"Will do so. That's my word. I won't go back on it. Next wide scale prank I pull, I'll warn you guys too."

"That's pretty much next week isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah. If you could get Kiba to stop being so damn stubborn, I wouldn't pull so many on the entire class. Besides, I'm ahead by by like a thousand points or so."

"Points? You guys have a point system?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yep. Scary thing is he and I agreed on it. We call it the Pranking Accords. For each 'big' prank it's a scale of a hundred to two hundred, depending on how many it affects. Half of the points being for originality, a quarter for timing, and the other quarter divided up for difficulty, and how 'big' it actually is. 'Big' being defined as affecting more than ten people. Small pranks are set up the same way, only up to twenty points though. Small affecting less than five people. Medium pranks affect from five or so, to ten people. They're based on the same criteria, but depending on how many they hit, is how many points you get. The minimum on medium is forty points, while the max for medium pranks it eighty."

"Nice. So how far ahead are you?"

"Let's look." He then pulled out a little black memo book from inside his brown civilian style vest. "Let's see," He flipped through some of the pages covered in doodles and random stuff. Landing on the correct page, he trailed his finger down a column. "Me, I have approximately, eight-hundred and fifty seven, points in debate, due to other circumstances, i. e. outside the academy. But I still have approximately, two thousand, five-hundred, and thirty seven points anyway. Kiba has two hundred, seventy two points in debate, and twelve hundred and ninety six regular points. Then you have the 'caught' cost. That's a minus three hundred even for me, and a minus five-fifty for him. He just sucks at stealth."

"So you're still kicking his butt, even with the penalties. That's what? Not counting the debate points. You're still twenty-two hundred strong while he's like seven fifty-ish."

"If you add in the debate points, then you've got like what three thousand-?, and he has about a thousand even?"

"About. Anyway, I plan on being truant again. I need to go get supplies for what I'll pull today. Times like this I miss the military police." Shikamaru and Chouji frowned at that comment. The blond boy had some messed up ideas of fun. If they had to guess he enjoyed tormenting the military police when they were around, way too much.

"Should we sit anywhere special?"

"Try to stay close to Hinata. That's the no hit spot. We both agreed on that too. That was kind of weird too. I think he likes her, I just don't prank her because, her family would like tap me on the forehead and like kill me. Also try to stay away from Sasuke, most of mine have him in center." Naruto said leaving out the fact that he and Sasuke were somewhat civil to each other, what with him slowly getting rid of his fangirls. Well except for his most determined fanatics.

With that, Naruto back flipped off the picnic table they were playing on, and disappeared from view and obviously the school yard, leaving Chouji and Shikamaru stranded when the bell rang. They stared at the spot for several spots.

"That's new." Couji finally said.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru replied. To other Naras or people familiar with them it meant, 'Teach me how to do that so I can escape (insert name of a troublesome woman).' He then lazily picked up the shogi set, and the pair walked inside. Getting inside the classroom while Iruka called order to the room.

* * *

**With Naruto...**

Naruto was kind of busy. Why was he busy? Well, he had just remembered that he had some other business to attend to. So he used a quick Dryad trick, to blend in with his surrondings. This was one hell of a genjutsu, if it could even be classified as that. It was a hybrid of ninjutsu and genjutsu.

With this he was untrackable. He could stay still in a heavily guarded manse, watch as it was searched, and remained unfound. As long as they didn't run into him or step on him or hear him. Since his ears were so sensitive he managed to walk so quietly that even most ninjas couldn't detect him outside of instinct which warned them that he was a predator. He had recently, as in the past few months, perfected this trick without handseals, -or focus motions, as the Dryads had called them, since the only handsigns they practiced was for their secondary language which was for the Dryads too in 'tune' with 'Nature' and thus even their voice can be used as a way to control 'Nature'- as he had to, so he could remain uncaught.

All in all, it was good practice. He hadn't tested the technique on a Hyuuga's Byuakugan, or the Uchiha's sharingan, but the last one was in rather short supply. The other option was kind of hard, because if it failed, he'd be broght in to the Hokage and then he'd be in a mess of trouble.

At the moment, he had to visit someone.

* * *

**Weapon's Walk...**

Konoha's Weapon's Walk. One of the most famous streets in exsistance in Konoha. Also, if you were a weapon shop owner, it would be your dream to own a store on Weapon's Walk. However we are not her to talk about the history of half the smithys and shops that decorate the wide street. We are currently a street over from the Weapon's Walk.

**Custom Shop...**

The sign on the Custom Shop read; Custom weapons and jewelery. Get it customized. Satisfaction garenteed. Detail, and repair shop.

What that all meant was the fact that, if you wanted something customized or repaired or it was a one of a kind specialty item you wanted, they probably had it or they could fix it or make it.

Why he was here? One word. Tenten. What she had to do with it? Well, not her specifically, more like her older (half but she didn't know that) brother by almost a decade and a half. He was totally awesome.

Really, half the ANBU had had their swords commissioned by him. Collectors also placed orders for him to fill. Why? Well, he was already a damn good smith/apprentice when Kyuubi attacked and his parents (and Tenten's) were killed. They were master smiths. Thus, still being too young to legally take care of himself and Tenten who was only a year or so old, they'd moved in with their uncle. Their uncle being a master jewelry maker. As in, give him some silver, and bam! You had a silver chain fine enough to be mistaken for spider silk. Thus Tenten's older brother learned to work finely wrought materials. When their Uncle had died from a heart attack, they had inherited his shop. Then they renovated. The shop had been open for five years now, and did a nice brisk business when they were open.

Well that's what Tenten knew of it anyway. He wasn't going to tell her the truth of her family if he could avoid it.

So, he calmly walked in, not disturbed by all the shiny and sometimes fatally sharp objects that were here. In abundance. They had several shelves stuffed full of weapons. A few displays of jewelery. Then the was a counter with the cash register. Behind that was the way to the smithy, and the way upstairs. "Yo!" He said, entering, "Anyone here?" He called after getting no response, or hearing the hammer striking anywhere in the building.

Tenten, twin buns in hair, calmly hopped down the stairs. "Shush, Naruto. My brother is asleep."

"Oh, sorry." He said. Actually sorry for once.

"Before you ask why, he was working on the molds for the weapons of one of your ideas."

"Nice." He said appreciative. "Which one?"

"The shuriken one."

"That one would be a doozy wouldn't it?"

"Yep. He kept me up all night too."

"Oh, sorry 'bout that Ten-chan. How 'bout this, if shouldn't be too difficult to do, and would take your foes by surprise, especially if you ran out of weapons and all. You are on a team with a taijutsu specialist and one in training after all." He outlined the idea.

She shot it down. Listing various reasons. "But it is not a bad idea."

"I was thinking that, but if you fix it right, you could change the metal plating to razors, using chakra to flick them open and close, on and off like a light switch."

"That's some major detail work. But it would be worth it to surprise sensei. How would you 'flick' the razors?"

"Get a seal adept, to do the work on that so you don't cut up the trees."

"Good, you're hired. We'll spend the next couple of days hammering out details and then after a week or so we'll make the prototypes and then maybe after a few trial runs we'll market them. That is once we make a decent seal array for them that does all that we want it to."

"Do you have to bring up that one occasion? That was just coincidence."

"That happened fifty-seven times?"

"Lady Luck loves me?" He said off hand not knowing that that was true.

"Whatever Naruto. Now I've got to go before my insane teacher shows up. Also he said he'd get to work on you're kunai idea in a few weeks." With that said, Tenten shifted her sealing scroll, and exited the shop.

Naruto, pulled his Dryad trick out of his bag of tricks and left Tenten spuddering to Gai and Lee that Naruto was there, and the pair went on about Naruto's 'youthful-ness' and his 'passions of youth' and 'springtime of youth.' Tenten, just sighed. She'd much rather be tortured than spend all day with the pair. "Come on. Let's get Neji."

Naruto then woke up her older brother, who after a few shakes, and several minutes was coherent and then they had a short conversation, which was productive on both sides. Naruto then went down the stairs, and disappeared from view.

Naruto reappeared several streets away in a henge of a brunette boy, minus the whisker marks. Time to go visit the 'people.' They might have some new info for him. Afterwards, he might tell Teddy-san what was up if anything came up.

* * *

**ANBU HQ...**

Naruto snuck into the office area of the place. Going through several busy intersections, he snuck into Teddy-san's office.

In luck, -or some unknown workings of some unknown force- Teddy-san was there. Doing the thing that all people with sanity -and some without it- hated. Paperwork. It was evil, no one said otherwise. It was also necessary.

"Hey, Teddy-san." Naruto said, becoming visible once again.

Ibiki looked up, inwardly hoping that _he_ was not here, but his scarred outward face not betraying a thing. However only a few people called him that. That list was very short. As in only one person could do it and get away with it.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" The heavily scarred interrogator asked. Annoyed. Not that there was anything to give that away. Not his body language, not his tone of voice, no hand gestures, and no facial expression that would that away. The kid knew anyway.

He mentally damned Itachi several times over for introducing them. It was also known as when Itachi was called off on a mission while in ANBU when it was his shift watching over the blond, (since only Uchiha's and Hyuuga's did with their chakra reading doujutsus), and thus dumped him on a free ANBU. Also known as Ibiki. To calm the blond down Itachi had said, 'Don't worry about his looks. He's actually more like a teddy bear than anything else.' That had then evolved into Naruto's nickname for him, which stuck. Especially since his mask was that of a bear.

"Nah, they're doing stealth training today. I looked at the lesson plan." He pointed out.

"Sorry, but you're not really all that stealthy boy." He could be, but tended to be too loud to be really called stealthy.

"I snuck in_ here_. A place _full of ANBU _level ninja, and snuck up _on you _Teddy-san. I don't think I need to attend something as boring as that. Besides if I wasn't quiet you would have heard me before I said anything. Also, really stealthy plus really quiet equals Aburame." Ibiki's lip twitched at that. That was true.

"So, boy you don't need that class? I'll admit that is something to be impressed about, but that doesn't mean I can't interrogate you." Ibiki said as he adopted slightly menacing pose.

"Unless you want to explain to the Hokage and do the paperwork since I'm a ward of the state. Also known as the Hokage since I'm in the academy. I think the required paperwork is about seven sheets to be filled out in triplicate." He had actually looked that up one day at the tower when he was super bored and didn't feel like messing around in the Tower's basement. Fun or not.

"So, you here for a social visit? Or did you piss off a couple of ninja? Again." The last time was a while ago, but that was a "fun" time.

"You make it sound like that that's a bad thing. I mean, I AM the only kid to _ever, _to get a small room dedicated to all my pranks. Mostly because it got me to stop ruining the uniforms, that was making the ANBU divisions go over budget. So how's the _museum_?"

"Fine. They still want to know. Where did you get your supplies for all the stuff you pull?"

"Here and there. A bit of everywhere thrown in."

"Smart-ass. Now the real reason you're here, before I sic Anko on you."

The kid shuddered. "Crazy lady. You're mean." He pouted some, then put on a serious face as an eleven year old kid that had whisker marks on his face could. "Going on, the real reason I've come to visit you, is the fact that I've heard we've got some traitor ninjas here. My 'people' aren't too sure of where some of them are, but they've agreed that there's four of them here. A possible fifth but they haven't confirmed that."

"Really kid? I haven't heard anything like that." He hadn't. He really needed to light a fire under the intelligence ninja. "Then again your 'people' are really accurate. Why could you not tell me who they are?" Accurate was an understatement. They were gods with information. It's why Naruto had him. He could do stuff that an eleven year old ninja cadet couldn't. He found out stuff he couldn't. It worked out for both of them.

"Uh, the fact that, a.) I'd get torn from limb to limb. b.) They trust me. That's really hard to earn, much less keep, so I won't betray them even if someone else could use them. c.) There is no god-damn way I'd betray them, because even if they don't do option A they will make my life so bad that I'll wish I was in one of your's or crazy lady's cells."

"Same thing you said last time. It would be nice to meet some of them. Provided they're not scared or anything."

"Seen worse looking than you Teddy-san. 'Nough said 'bout that." There must have been an interesting story about that one since the blond had a small tremor run through his body, so slight that Ibiki thought that an Uchiha, with the Sharingan turned on may have missed it. "They currently think that one is somewhere in the academy, and that he is uninformed about the other three, thus making him a remnant of some past cell or just some random traitor who isn't brave enough to quit and get hunted by the hunter nins. Speaking of which, I didn't mess with their coffee this time. I thought about it though, but I don't have anything on me to mess with it on me.

"Back to point, so for the past six weeks I've been pulling pranks like mad to mess with their schedules enough to where if they are actively reporting in I could find out who, get enough evidence, turn it in and have him arrested. Unfortunately, that's not happening. I'm not sure if they'll just do a lump report of our gennin or if they plan to kidnap one or two. Then again the target could be something else entirely. The only one that has been taken more under the wing of the school is that one girl genius, Hitomi. Which I know, well enough to where she is considered to be one of my mine. She has been working with me on this."

The last one was a slight jolt to the brain. "Isn't she only eight or nine? And wasn't the prank war because of Kiba?" At least that's what he heard. The last big prank was involved the roof.

"Yep, but you forget, I could have been out of the academy when I was about that old. She also lived on the street for a few years before I made her one of mine, and got her placed in the academy. Konoha isn't bad when compared to some others, or my short stay on the streets, but facts are facts. She was out there, in the streets. She's been crossing off some teachers. We've gone through about half of them. Took half the roof doing it too. That was a complete accident waiting to happen and I sort of did. The prank war, that's mostly part of the cover."

"So who do you have left to cross off?"

"A lot of subs, a few teachers, Mizuki."

"Aren't you in his class?"

"Yeah, I'm hesitating to cross him off because he just rubs me wrong like some people. Call it a gut feeling."

"So what about the other three?"

"Well, it's my and my 'people's' current belief that they're masquerading as a Konoha gennin team. Hell, one of them might even be Konoha chunin now. But that doesn't seem to fit with what feeling I get about them. So they should all be counted as gennin now, but with at least one jonin if not ANBU level ninja with two high-med level chunin, or special jonin capabilities. That team should be about three or so years old, maybe four, or even five but that seems to be pushing it. All of them gennin, and they should be how they were originally made, or they got a replacement teammate who had a bad history with his other team. As in they got in over their head and drowned."

"So how do you plan to deal with them?"

"Fail, again. That's getting pretty annoying by the way. That way if it is Mizuki, I could find out his motives, put a stop to him if I can, and he's alone, maybe even learn something along the way. If that goes as planned, I could wrangle out a field promotion, get placed on a gennin team, get to the chunin exams as a rookie, find out who's behind them all, and such."

"Nice plan. Now am I going to be pulling the strings on the last part or not? Getting a rookie team in would be a bit of work. It hasn't happened for the past five years or so." It would be hard to do so. But it could be done. Just with a lot of difficulty.

"Nah, I'll do that. Now remember our deal. You don't tell Hokage-jiji that I'm doing something this dangerous, -remember he is considered the 'God of Shinobis' and the 'Professor' after all-, and I won't tell everyone _that_-" He probably would have said more, but Ibiki cut him off.

"Deal kid. Now then, out of my office boy."

The blond gave a huge grin. "Wanna see my latest trick that I mastered? You won't, I guarantee it." With that the blond seemed to melt into the very air around him.

'_Damn,'_ Ibiki thought, '_Not even the barest hint of chakra showing him. It's like he's part of the environment. No hand seals either. That is an interesting skill kid.'_ Then another thought entered his mind._ 'Ibiki, just think about all the pranks he could like that. Be happy he stopped pranking your ANBU.' _Then another thought entered his head_. 'When he get's to chunin, grab him and get him in the ANBU a.s.a.p. That would be such a handy skill on assassination missions.'_

_

* * *

  
_

**Naruto's Apartment Building...**

'_Okay,' _Naruto thought sprawled out on his bed_. 'Got most of the things that needed to be done, done. Ate? Check. Cleaned place and showered? Check. Gamed with Shikamaru, visited Tenten and her brother, met with my 'people', updated Ibiki. All check.' _

_'Okay, that's all done, the 'twitch' should come sometime in the next hour or so, if it stays consistent. When that happens, I'll be down for a bit, thank you in-fucking-creasing pain.' _Then a small thought crammed into his head_. 'I hope I don't puke this time.' _That was replaced by, _'Dammit fox! What are you doing to help me? I thought that if I die, you fuck up. we'll both die. Huge ass chakra and regenerative abilities aside. Why the fuck can't you just purge this shit and not have to worry about it anymore.'_

Then he felt the 'twitch' and felt pain leap through his body like a live wire. Despite not having any neighbors, Naruto held in his scream from habit. He bit his hand. Feeling another jolt arch through his body, he bit down harder. This process continued like this for about the next twenty minutes.

His skin felt like it was slowly sliced off by a burning hot knife. Slowly taking his skin off layer by layer. Then after the skin was off, the nerves in his muscles which had been convulsing for a for the entire skin episode, then got the same, eventually the pain settled in his bones. After he was sure that the pain accompanying the 'twitch' had stopped and he wouldn't get any nasty aftershocks, he recognized the taste of blood and bile in mouth. He pulled out his hand and looked at it dispassionately and from a medical standpoint.

The skin was ripped and shredded, and lot of blood was pouring out of it. He then tried to move his fingers. Only the pinky and thumb could move with minimal pain. Moving his hand up over his heart to slow blood flow to the wound, he could see the bone. He then moved his head closer to his hand. Scrutinizing it well. He sat up using muscles that felt like rubber.

Fuck, he had bit through bone. He then got up on rubbery legs and went to the sink to wash the excess blood off. He then took a small role of bandages out of his vest, and after he washed most of the blood off his hand wrapped it, and then moved the bone into place. His face showed the barest hint of a snarl.

He then made himself a quick drink to sip upon while he got his coordination and vision back.

Naruto then moped around his apartment, cleaning up the spilled blood on the floor near his bed, and after getting a few things from his closet, organized his next prank supplies and got them. He then decided to brush his teeth and wash out his mouth. It was not good to show up with a bloody mouth. He coughed and spat up blood. Damn it had really started to get intense about six weeks ago. Hell six weeks ago, he would have only bruised his hand, not bit through his damn bone. He then checked his teeth. There wasn't much of a difference. They were just sharper than they appeared. Then again foxes were omnivores like people. You couldn't really expect saber-kitty teeth. Even if he was merging with Kyuubi at a more pronounced rate than he would have been if the fox hadn't messed with the fox in the first place.

The thing was, he knew why. He knew why he had bit through his hand. He just didn't like it at all

He _had_ thought it was because of Kyuubi the pain that had accompanied the 'twitch' had escalated. At first when he was like three it was a 'twitch.' He had found out when he was five that, that was not true.

Then again, being a bender for two to three months, had took a lot of innocence from him. He was only alive thanks to a few people. They didn't even number enough to match the number of fingers on his left hand. He then started the long arduous progress of weaning himself off of what was causing the pain to increase. It had mixed results. When he was like eight it had escalted to the well used feeling of aching muscles that had been well used and abused. As of six months ago if felt as if was having a week's worth of a sprained ankle's pain stuck into a single minute. Now, now it was if someone repeatedly jabbed a live wire into him.

It just sucked. Then again, he was pushing to get over that poisonous addiction before graduation. It just had a lot of problems with the withdrawal. Then again, it was a poison that killed you from the withdrawl. You'd die from the shear amount of pain you were in.

So with that happy note playing in his thoughts, he unraveled the bandages on his hand showing pristine skin, flexed it, and dashed off to school, if only to watch the prank that he had pulled go off, with Shikamaru's assitance. Then they would all ditch class for the day and with it a quiz. Sure their grades would suffer but hey, he had an image to create and maintain.

* * *

A/N; the mystery continues. What is going on with Naruto? Well who knows? I do! I do! IF you can guess what's happening, well, you get a pizza sandwich. They are actually really good. Now then fun with Itachi since he's my favorite character. Ever. I just like the way he kills Orochimaru. Stab with sword. So awesome. (drool) Then he died. Which sucked. But if you keep up to date on the manga, did you know that the first sage of six paths, went and made the moon in the narutoverse? Also you'd know that when Naruto goes eight tails... I'm not revealing anymore. Just some interesting facts.

**Omake- The real reason Itachi killed his clan **

Based on fanfiction facts and manga facts.

Definition of fanfiction facts- Fanfiction facts are facts that are only true in the world of fanfictions, because some people like that particular thing, put it in their story and given enough sources, most people consider them true. Examples would be the fanfiction fact that Hinata loves cinnamon buns. OR the fanfiction fact that I'm currently using. Itachi loves pocky.

Now with the Omake.

The deed was done, Itachi thought. Then his little brother came in. He glanced at the fact that he was holding a bloody katana and that their parents both had wounds consistent with that of said katana, and their dad's body had just slid off the blade.

There was no way that he probably could lie his way out of this, and it had to be pretty traumatizing to see your idol just commit an unspeakable sin. So why not traumatize him some more? It really couldn't hurt could it? The chances of him remembering specifics of this was pretty low right? With that he said some tripe bullshit about using his hatred to grow stronger, and used the new genjutsu he had recently acquired along with his new Sharingan.

He then changed out of his bloody uniform, and went to the agreed upon area where he would meet with the people who were informed of the attempted coup.

Once there, Homura asked, "Is it done?"

Itachi gave his affirmative. Then since his little brother knew squat he argued on his behalf, and eventually resorted to blackmail.

His blackmail was like this, try to kill Sasuke, or don't send me pocky and I'll reveal the truth.

Then he collected the cash and other supplies he had stashed there, and grabbed their blood money and their pocky and left without a trace.


	8. Interlude Chapter

A/N; first off, I would like to apologize for the long waits in between updates. See what happened was that we finally got Internet back. Sometime in Feb./March area. You'd think that would be good. It's a mixed blessing. See my little brother is pretty much addicted to runescape or something like that. So, yeah. Second, you guys would be like, he's your little bro! Kick him off. Well the problem is that a) he's slightly taller than me. b) he's slightly heaver than me.

But that's not the problem, see technique and skill and preparedness and physical strength that I've worked on. Really, I can give him a piggy back no problem but he stumbles after the first few steps. I've also only lost two fights, -the knockdown drag out kind- with him, both involving my glasses, one time they broke and the other time I was forced to stop because of interference a.k.a. parents, both of them holding me back because I dragged my mom's boyfriend at the time at least five feet.

Going on, Now we get to take an in-depth look at Naruto's life. Trust me this wasn't planned much at all. The rough drafts and what I've got my saved on my other word document saved as says different.

-------------

**Interlude Chapter; A look of Underneath the Underneath**

Naruto had had a pretty shitty life.

Actually, if you were to describe that statement, it would most accurately be described as the understatement of the mellinia, no, of the era! Naruto corrected with a mental dark chuckle.

If it wasn't for the fox, his life wouldn't be that bad. If it wasn't for the fox, he'd be dead.

If it wasn't for the fox...

He cut off the thought. Kamisori, would call it self depreciating, and call him a pessimist.

Well, knowing most of the world's horrors, 'cept for maybe war, -even if he had comparable-, it would be easy, child's play even, to be one. However, if one is at the lowest one could get into the abyss, and yet not fall, well, there's always up.

So Naruto had made optimism into an art form. However it was not without it's problems. It took a lot of energy to do all he did usually, and still be a bit hyper and optimistic. Thus, he pushed all his loneliness, sadness, anger, desires, and ego into his determination. It's why Kamisori had liked him so much.

He could be awesome and annoying at the same time.

After all, with all the shit he'd been through, being a shinobi would be practically easy. And it was, even if he hadn't graduated yet.

"More tea?" An alluring lady sitting at a small table with him asked.

"Hai, and arigato." The lady caught his eyes. The crystal blues said, _for everything._

_-------  
_

_Naruto, knew he was different from the others. He was beginning to run around, while the others struggled to stand. He knew that they were loud, and his ears hurt then. But, maybe it was a good difference? And they were all jealous?_

_With that thought entertaining him, he went into the orphanage kitchen, and asked the lady for some food._

_She started to, until she caught sight of him. She then picked something off the counter top, which he couldn't see. But he could feel it as it entered him._

_It was the first time he remembered a brush with death._

_He was barely two._

_--------  
_

The next attempt on him, that he remembered _fondly_, was when he was a few months away from three**.**Those Yamanaka's did a pretty decent job. They still would if he hadn't found a way to counter them. It was very easy. Really who knew that _those_ were so powerful?

---------

_He had discovered the paradise that was the roof. It was interesting. He felt free, he enjoyed the wind, listened to it, felt it, heard it, even raced with it a bit. He was about four stories up. Plus it was pretty quiet, aside from the hustle and bustle of the surrounding village, which was muted with distance._

_His hearing allowed him to know that there were a person or two that were hanging around, even if he couldn't scent them all that well. He sure as hell couldn't see them. He had no experience detecting the minute changes of a person's scent depending on their emotions. So when a ninja appeared behind him, he happily cooed over his sudden appearance, and how he was really cool, said hello, and introduced himself._

_Then ninja then crouched down, as if to introduce himself, and suddenly grabbed Naruto's ankle, spun around several times, and tossed Naruto into a nearby tree._

_Naruto would later swear that he must have hit every single branch in that tree._

_One ANBU caught him at the bottom of the tree, quickly taking him to the hospital, while the other apprehended the ninja, on the crime of harming a civilian. _

_The ninja had some external chakra burns when the nameless assailant had met the head of the T&I._

_Naruto had to stay in the hospital for three weeks. The Hokage had come to alleviate some of his boredom, so he learned some card games. He was still bored out of his mind. Eventually, a harried nurse gave him a coloring book and crayons, so he was okay for a week. Later, a decent doctor gave him a notepad to draw on, since the coloring book was full._

_It showed that he had some great aptitude in artistry. Naruto noticed this, and thus an artist was born, especially since he had walked out, in less that three weeks, cast free._

_That's when he partially heard the comment, "knew...would...heal fast. Demon child."_

_Did that mean he was bad? Were demons bad? He hadn't done anything demon-like had he? Or was it one of those nickname things?_

_------------  
_

He must be remembering. She watched as his eyes shifted colors. They shone darker as his emotion got darker. Eventually ending a dark color that you couldn't tell what color it was originally. As his mood got lighter so did his eyes. When he was happy, -for real-, his eyes were a gray accented blue. If he was anxious and over-thinking some things they were a deep but clear sapphire blue.

"'Ruto-chan, you shouldn't think such depressing thoughts." She admonished in a playful scold.

He stared back for a bit. His hand clenched his cup tighter. "I thought I told you not to call me that."

"Well, you're acting childish so I'll call you Naruto-kun once you're out of memory lane."

"Fine, Tenshi-san." He said, recalling a turn on memory lane. When the lady with hair like the purple iris, and honey-gold eyes and with her bronze skin seemed like an angel from the heavens.

"It's Kuro-hime." She said.

Silence reigned for a bit.

"If you're gonna ask what's wrong, just look outside."

"The weather brings back bad memories huh?" She murmured into her tea. "Just so you know, this isn't too great of a time for me either." She disliked the wet in the air.

"Any time before 'dawn' is."

"That joke is so old."

"So. You calling noon, dawn is always funny. Classic even."

"Whatever. Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Iruka-sensei is off for the week. On vacation. Officially. That means evil substitute teacher."

"What 'bout that Kami-"

"Kamisori-sensei? Mission. For once. Wanting to get out of the office. One of those, in his own words 'Let's leave for several months and do nothing except birdwatching and running around like a headless chicken' type deals. It's still another week before he's due back."

"Makes me glad I'm not a ninja, or something like that."

"You're a wet-girl. There is a profound difference."

"I know. I proud of that fact. After all wet-boys and girls have deaders. Ninjas and assassins have targets. They have targets because sometimes they miss. We don't."

"Makes me glad that most of the world doesn't know of you. If they did, I'd be dead."

"Course you would be. After all, there is a profound difference in a dead person and a target. You'd be dead, and I'd be out a friend."

"More would ya'? Thanks." He said as she poured it into his cup, and tossed a heap of sugar in.

----------------

_He had managed to annoy the orphanage people into another notepad. It was bigger than the last one. Which had been destroyed by someone. So he had to get another one. Needless to say, it was harder to do so. He had went a ways away from the place after filling in a few pages. He was now in a park, when he felt,... something. A presence. Was it a ghost? Whatever as long as it wasn't bothering him, it was fine by him._

_So he was sketching the pond, and surrounding plant life, remarkably well for someone not even four yet. You could tell what it was, but it had a lot of stray marks and perspective mistakes._

_--------  
_

Naruto thought back to a study he had once read. Young kids had an inherent sense of composition. The term meaning that everything was well placed and the page was filled, even if the people were as big as the tree next to the house and could touch the sun. Older kids, had a better sense of proportion, so the subjects they drew were more lifelike, but lacked composition or background.

The strangest thing was that anyone can draw. You just have to be in the right state of mind, have a certain perspective on things, understand how lines and shades of color made and melded into works of art. How they reflected life and reality. Needless to say, most of Naruto's 'works' had undertones of a sad peace. (A/N; this is true. There is no such thing as talent, only perspective and showing it, and practice. That's all it is. Look at Piccaso if you need an example.)

---------------

_Naruto went with his instincts and dropped his sketchpad and tools, ducked and rolled over some. _

_He should have continued rolling._

_He didn't._

_The sack caught him. He didn't know the material, but he could tell that there were other things in the sack other than himself. Like rocks and hunks of scrap metal._

_He felt the sense of weightlessness that he associated with the 'tree' incident and 'flying.' Otherwise known as being thrown. Into a pond. In a weighted sack. The pond being a good seven feet deep._

_When later recalling the incident, Naruto would say, "Drowning is not as peaceful as people would have you to believe. It sucks. Your body screams for air, your mind says no, the headache forces you not to care, and as the water hits your lungs, you get a shock to your system, you immediately try to cough it up, but you've no air to cough with, more water pours into ya'. You're dead within thirty seconds after that. Needless to say, drowning is a sucky way to go."_

_That was when he met the Shinigami._

_For the first time._

_It was really unexpected. It was not the way he'd always thought it would go either._

_--------------  
_

"What's with the chuckle Mr. Moody?"

"Remembering when I met Kai."

"The Ever Crazy kappa eh?"

"Crazy might cover it in some circles, but it doesn't in the ones we travel."

"Ditto. With friends like ours it's considered good preparation to keep padded rooms and straitjackets handy."

"Do you see me disagreeing with that statement at all?"

-------

_He heard this conversation when he first woke up. With precision pounded into him by experience he kept his frame exactly the same. His breaths matched. He had slowed his heart beat._

_"Oh, and what part of "make sure he doesn't die" did you not get?" An angry man asked. He was tall with pale skin and had jet black hair, which was short in the back, but long in the front. His eyes were mismatched. One was a dull green. The other was a ghostly blue. He was wearing a dark muscle shirt and dark green pants. His goatee and the wicked tattoo around his white-blue eye made him look devil-incarnate._

_"How should I know that humans could drown?" A glib voice responded. This guy was shorter than the other, but had a decent tan, and aqua eyes. His hair had a variation of his eyes, with greens and violet strands interspersed. He had a look of an guy a few steps up from homeless. Baggy pants that had been patched and washed so many times it was impossible to distinguish what their original color had been. A worn but impractical jacket for fire country was a green so dark it was nearly black. The shirt underneath could be described as stained by many unidentified substances, some which were undoubtedly blood and dirt. He had a tattered scarf that was a light gray blue wrapped around his neck. To top it off, he had some purple shades in circle frames on top of his head. _

_"My sister, your boss, is so going to have our heads. Says he's necessary for the balance."_

_"Seriously?" The guy who was working the 'whatever' look at the moment, asked like a surfer._

_"Dead seriously. Or did you think the universe imploding or something like that is not important?"_

_"Strange that a little kid has that much say or power for that matter."_

_"Yeah, well, getting Kyuubi sealed in ya' would do that."_

_"Get out! Really?" The blue haired guy looked really excited._

_"Now I see why my sister insists on you being on short, easy assignments. I just realized that you're really annoying." The possessor of the mis-matched eyes said._

_"Just now? Damn, I'm loosing my touch then." He seemed to almost break down and cry. Naruto would later think it was because he'd ruin the whole damn 'whatever' look that way which is why he didn't do so. _

_"..."_

_"What, did I just say something I wasn't suppose to?"_

_"I'll just let you figure that out."_

_"Not fair dude. Not fuckin' fair boss dude."_

_"Deal with it. Like you deal with Death."_

_"Ah, but death is like so easy! Dealing with it is much easier. Dealing it to others, child's play."_

_"Shut up. Just shut up, before I make you deal with the paperwork on the souls of fish."_

_"Fish have souls?" _

_"You do don't you?"_

_"That was below the belt. Insult my mother while you're at it.'_

_"Let's not." The God grumbled. He remember what his sister had reported what had happened when that happened. Brutal was too bland to describe what would happen. Even a God would have trouble with a freakishly strong Kappa, who had been given temporary loan of even a small portion of a God's power. Not really, but enough to break a sweat. If you were caught off guard, and were running for your life. Hiding behind a door because you sister would round up a posse and do the most cruel things imaginable, and as __**THE **__goddess that dealt with the death side of things dieing, she knew a large number of ways to harm you._

_A lot of them were just plain strange. Really, he had seen someone who had been beaten to death with a leg of frozen lamb. Strangely enough the lady who had done it, didn't get caught by the police, even if they were more pissed than usual since he had been an officer and all. They ended up eating the evidence.  
_

_"Hmmm. Whatever."_

_"Good. This never happened. Now, then, you've got your contract manual?" The God got a raised eyebrow to his question. "Of course you do. The manual does explain the different ways people can die."_

_"Oh, it does? When did it do that?"_

_"Just now." The manual which had been a couple of hundred pages thick, now was close to eight-hundred. It could have been used to kill. Blunt force trauma and such. Then there was the evil paper cut in a jungle to where you might die from infection, but that was caused by the paper cut.  
_

_"You do realize that the manual can now be used as a weapon right?" Glib asked, in a statement/question way._

_"Yes. Anything can. However if you want to keep your-"_

_"I'll keep my regulation stuff. Thank you very much. I refuse to use my book that way. You know the you break it you buy it policy that your sister has."_

_"She should have been a lawyer. Now that he's back alive and all, along with baggage, it's your job again. Teach him how to breathe underwater so this doesn't happen again. It's a pain in the ass bringing someone back to their body and settling them after they've left."_

_(A/N; For future reference, any word that is like breathe in the sentences above is a word that has been assimilated into everyday speech from a different language. Like if you spoke Russian. Computer has no word for itself in that language, thus you'd use computer. That's basically what I'm writing. So in the dialogue above breathe has been used since there is no possible way accurately describe what you're trying to express in normal language.)_

_"He awake?"_

_"Yeah, has been for a while. Well, I've got duties and such to attend to, as well as a sister to convince to back off. Oh, and good luck explaining all this to him. Now then, my job is waiting, and those animal masked people are finally getting over here." He said. "'bout damn time." He grumbled. Then he disappeared in a white flash while wondering, 'I miss the old world where if a god wanted something done, it would be done as fast as possible. We also didn't have all the restrictions back then. We're technically bordering the line here. Most people like him don't know half the shit that's going on in the realms that he's about to learn.'_

_That's how Naruto meet 'Kai.' _

_---------  
_

"More tea?"

"Ah, hai, hai. It's always so good. I'm addicted to it. Did you put something in it?" After dumping in some sugar and tasting it he said, "Strange that a killer and a healer live in the same body."

"Not really. I just jump at the opportunities to learn and stuff. Now, stop thinking so much. You'll get frown lines."

"You can get frown lines?" He asked in disbelieving tone of voice.

"Not me, never me. You, I dunno. Maybe scowl lines. Or maybe someone will hit you hard enough your face will stay that way."

"I'll never let'em. I'll use your fighting style if they even try."

She chuckled. "Violent today ne? You been hanging out with that summer shinigami way too damn much. You've been avoiding me lately. Do you like hanging with him more than hanging out with Yuugi, Neko and I?"

"I have been in school until this week. I also had tons of make-up work, from skipping out so much. Because I've been sleeping in since I was staying up pretty late working."

--------

_'Kai' was an unusual dude. He loved fighting, like all kappas loved blood and fish. He loved drama. Which made highly entertaining at times, and embarrassing to be around at others. Coincidentally he loved fashion. He talked like a surfer dude, and acted like one, but that didn't mean he was an idiot. He was pretty damn smart in his own right, he was not really book smart, but loved reading. It eventually worked out even if he had to read it several times. Not really political smart, as in he wouldn't go all megalomaniac and manipulate everything and everyone but he could divine the methods and reasons behind them. He was people smart. He was battle smart. He was good about finding all of your secrets. If he were wanting to verbally tear someone to pieces. Well, good luck finding all of them. _

_'Kai' was proud of the fact that the last person he had verbally tiraded upon wound up in therapy. That guy had interrupted his fight. The fight with the guy who insulted his mom. He had ended up in a morgue, and had six seamstresses working on him for three days to piece him all together. The funeral was still close casket due to minute missing pieces though. And that was before he signed up with the Shinigami._

_His skills had since improved._

_Naruto would definitely get a few really mild ones throughout his childhood._

_----------  
_

"Oh really? What is it about? Is it something I can use? Besides that's still a lame excuse."

----------

_There were side effect from his brush with death. Like being able to see the ghosts and such. It also manifested at random. Well not really. Whenever he was concentrating, he could see them, or else it would be a spike emotion or in pain._

_The bad part was the fact that when poisoned, if not feverish, he could see them better. Closer to death and all that. Even if by a couple of inches._

_Strangely enough he also had problems when it came to cats. They knew you could see. You knew that you can see. They knew you knew you could see. They then would do the cat equivalent of glomping, in the fashion of cats. It was pretty embarrassing._

_Still he knew 'Tora' quite well. Well the Tora before the current one. _

_---------  
_

"That's a secret. Ya' know in big and bold."

"Oh, am I going to have to sic Yuugi on you?"

"Face it, I'm not telling you, or your apprentice either."

"You know, he's not."

"I know. Maybe because he likes you, after all I've walked-"

----

_Of course there were times when cat glomping and poison got to him. Whenever he lived under someone else's roof in Konoha other that his eventual own, or Kuro-hime's for that short week and a half, he'd end up poisoned. It sucked almost as bad as drowning._

_There was the orphanage who fed him some pretty common stuff, or didn't feed him at all. Then there was the -. _

_-------  
_

Naruto forced that memory down.

"Thinking back? Again? hm?" She asked as she took a sip of her own tea.

"I blame the sky and the mood, and the fact that Yuugi is out." It was cloudy with a hint of storm. Typical for this time of year.

"Ah. I miss Yuugi too."

"For different reasons too, I'm sure."

"It's not like I asked you to walk in on us."

The pair stayed in silence for a while. While she didn't have a problem with being public with anything, she knew Naruto well enough to know when to back off.

So she busied herself with his appearance. He still had the mane of golden hair. It was pretty long in actuality. Most of his bangs were brushed to the left, falling over his eye, and the longer ones onto a whisker or two, while the bangs that had remained steadfastly to the right spiked up a few inches. The rest of his hair was pulled into a ponytail at shoulder length. The ponytail went on for a few more inches, spiking all the way. His customary earphones were on, and given how this set was made, it went over his ears and behind his head, and under his hair.

His eyes were a shifting blue, but whatever the accent of to the color which varied on his moods was a dark blue. He still had his whiskers, or as she liked to call them birthmarks even if they weren't. Still close enough. He was still wearing dark colors for his pants, this pair being one of his lazy pairs, since he had paint stains on it, it was ragged at the feet, and a few holes in it, stitched as they were. Ninja wire wasn't ideal, but he had it on hand, and it looked cool. He probably had several weapons on him even now, mostly hidden, although since she lent him some of them she could guess. The shirt that he had on was really big on him, being one of Yuugi's old ones, he probably had seven knives on him under there. He probably had some short ones attached on his calf, maybe five depending on size, not counting the kunai and such he had in his weapon pouch. He probably had some senbon under the wrapping on his left hand. He probably had wire in his pant's pocket, along with some cash and a piece of paper and a short but sharp pencil that could be used as a weapon in and of itself.

Then there was the vest. He had recently changed his brown civilian style vest into a vest that was reversible, also civilian style in design, with one being a brown he had messed with until he got a hint of orange into it and changed the grey one till it was a grey-green. It had doubtlessly been modified and armed to capacity. He had probably un-sewed it into halves, stuck some mesh armor and some other plates and such in there for defense, before adding a lot of hidden pockets and thus weapons.

This little guy was prepared for war.

What war would that be? She mused. The most important one. Survival.

She decided to cut her musing.

"How's Hitomi?" She asked.

"Good. She's adapting very well."

"Heard she's being praised as a prodigy. How much is your doing?"

"A bit. I mostly just expounded on the basics. Can't say I don't have my regrets though."

"About her -?"

"Yeah."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto had a lot of regrets on how he met some of the most interesting and important people in his short life. His ANBU 'guardian', he had met later when she had quit that line of work due to a mission related injury and was close enough to dying to where some the doctors that worked mostly on and for the ANBU let her have some death-bed wishes. Even so, after a quick meeting and discussion on several subjects near and dear to her, she fought for her life and even if technically not ANBU level anymore, she was still a highly skilled and competent jonin.

Even her replacement, who had took care of him when he was an infant, she had his blood on her hands. And the blood of others.

He had met the Sandaime when he had come close to dying several times when he was young. Or not dying for that matter. Like when they visited the shape shifters who ran the ramen bar. Those two had also protected him a couple of times when they didn't have to.

He had met 'Kai' when he had died. Even if the God of rebirth and renewal had revived him. That being the other side of death. Death must have been really scary since the remotest possibility of her being there had scared the other god off.

He had ran in with the Drayad's for a month, which thankfully all available ANBU were out on missions or were off in some hospital room, after being left for dead with a couple of knives stuck in him. While he couldn't do the things they could with plants, he could still effect the environment around him. Enough to track, and hide.

He had meet the 'true' Itachi later when a few thugs, who didn't even have the decency to be drunk or other wise impaired, even if the glass bottle suggested differently, that had cornered him into an alley, and pulled out a couple of switchblades and a pair of knuckles. Itachi probably still had the small silver scar near his hairline. Fuckin' glass. Fucking exploding note inside the glass. Itachi definitely remembered that. He had complained that his mother was annoying him over the burned hair. He had gotten annoyed at the smell, which until it faded, he was temporarily stuck inside the village doing patrols.

The lady across from him had met him when he was close enough to death by massive poison overdose, which still had it's nasty grips on him today, after several years. She had to resort to more barbaric methods to get it out. Even so, she couldn't get all of it and had to suffice with countering most of the side-effects. It simply wasn't her forte. The brutal and complex poison that could be extracted from a corpse. She was better with the poison that could never be detected upon death.

Yuugi, had been at first hostile to the young blond, mostly for intruding on his life and not his burden. He had been a good supporter of killing Naruto as an act of mercy, but after a brief question after Naruto had 'died' for lack of better term, and he had asked what death was like, only for Naruto to reply 'boring' the red-eyed man had warmed up to the kid.

Kamisori had shown Naruto why his nickname was the Razor. Little bits of flesh that used to be a human being would earn someone such a gruesome title. Naruto liked his weapon. Who knew that that ninja wire could be used like that?

As for Hitomi, well, he had found her in an alley, when she was in the six/seven age range, about to get the same treatment as him, and possible worse, since her throat had been slashed, and although she wasn't bleeding out via a severed vein, she probably couldn't talk. The two husks of men who were "candy-eaters" were quickly killed in the most painful way. Several stabs into their lungs. The two were so hyped up on the drug's effect, they had to have gotten some within the last half hour, or the euphoric effect wouldn't have muted the pain sensors in their nerves so well. He was lucky that they hadn't gotten very far into the mania stage of the drug or else he'd be dead since the mania stage allowed the equivalent of unlocking the limits on your muscles. When Kuro, and Yuugi had patched her up, he asked Kamisori if he could get her into the academy, if only to learn some self-defense skills. She had outdone both of their expectations, even if she talked in hand-code all the time. Allegedly, the females of her class had adopted the code and turned it into their own language. He surprisingly didn't really have anything to do with it, other than a careless remark.

-------------------------------------------------------

"It is one of the things that you'll carry with you all your life. We all have them. It's part of being human, at least part of it. I think."

"Oh, what about part cat or fox-like for the matter?"

"Oh, that? Take any opportunity. Not the doors, you're a ninja. Take the window. Follow your instincts. But remember to think before acting, but not to over think. Keep a level head. Don't tip your hand too earlier, and count your money you won at the table later."

Silence ensued again. Probably from the gambling remark she mused.

"Kuro-hime?" He asked.

"Yes?"

"Are you mad at me for that?"

"It's not possible. I consider you the son I don't have. After all, I did save your life back then, and I haven't regretted it since then." She got a look from him.

"Fucking Morsus." Naruto said naming the poison.

"Indeed." She said into her cup, before downing it in one swallow.

"I hear Yuugi coming towards. He's frustrated and tense. I'll leave you two alone so you can work out that tension." He pulled out his Drayad trick, and disappeared into the streets of Konoha.

'I really need to name that, the Drayads aren't really big on naming things. Except for flora.' Naruto thought. "Now time for some ramen."

---------------------------------------------

_(A/N; this chapter is finally finished. It took some heavy editing on my part since, I wanted it to fit in. As said before and above, little bro+ computer+ limited amount of free time+ my reading fix+ Internet/dial-up+ fixing some plot holes+ I hate typing+ school(review+ English research project due+ study for pre-cal/chemistry) + mom wanting me to socialize which means no computer for like an hour= why it took so long to post this. _

_Also as much as I'd like to say that updating will be faster in the summer, it's probably not gonna work out. Maybe in July, but not June or the last week of May. I'm gonna see if I can get a laptop for my birthday, ( the chance of this happening is less than my dog paying my library dues for late books and the one it chewed up.) It's the same for Christmas. Job would cut into my time even more. _

_Naruto; You just can't win can you?_

_me; It's so sad isn't it"_

_Kamisori; couldn't you cut back on reading?_

_me; I could, but if you suggest it again, I don't care how much I like you. You will die. Even if I have to alter the story again to fix the plot holes that would appear._

_Kamisori; You're serious aren't you?_

_Yuugi; She is as serious as my name means play._

_Naruto; Your name is a huge misnomer._

_Kamisori; Truly. Although so is mine. It's why I don't go by it._

_Yuugi; Nah. I'm just the king of games._

_me; You're not from Yu-gi-oh, dispite how much you would like to be._


	9. Chapter 8

A/N; Wahoo! Chapter what? Eight? Yep. (In a singsong kind of voice.) Now we get to kick Mizuki's butt. Mizuki's butt. Mizuki's butt. Yay! For chapter e-e-i-ght. Chapter eight! Chapter eight!

You can tell I don't like Mizuki can't you? I mean the guy was going to leave the village, and his girlfriend (I think. I need to refer back to the jail break chapters...somewhere between chapters after Tsunade arc 80 maybe? - And the time skips, I think at least. Too many damn fillers), and have an innocent kid take the blame. To a guy that was known to experiment on people who are pathetic like him. Who's to say that Orochimaru wouldn't kill him and take the scroll off his corpse and then mess with him?

On, a small side note, I forgot to mention that even if he knew his ANBU watcher(s), when he had Itachi as a watcher they would and sometimes did train, after all Itachi is Itachi, surprised might describe him on occasion but stupid? Come on people it's not like he intensively trained him, made him jonin level in a few years and stuff! (That's class A bullshit there in my opinion, on some stories it might work out but I just don't like it since that contradicts with his character or how they portray him since getting to that level would take a tremendous amount of self-discipline which Naruto inherently lacks which makes the super-jonin ate age seven Naruto, not Naruto at all...) Taught him how to B&E maybe, but jutsu no. Chakra control? Yes. Some weapon skills and Taijutsu? --???

Hence why he can do some stuff and not others. The Sandaime would be informed on what he was training on, if not to the extent, since ANBU motto one is say no more than required. Also since Naruto knew the ANBU were there, " 'Cause they kind of suck when it comes to hide-and-go-seek." -see chapter four. He would sometimes hang out with them, or annoy them otherwise. Hence why he knows Ibiki. -See chapter six- because Ibiki curses Itachi for dumping Naruto on him.

NOW let me rant for a bit...

More will be revealed on Naruto's past later since I don't feel like having Naruto like age six for fifteen chapters, and then move on to age seven for another dozen chapters, nothing wrong about those stories, it's just I can't relate and regulate how I'd manage Naruto that way. I'm smart, always have, probably always will until I get old and die. I can't relate to dumb shit, childish antics, and tons of drama. (On a side note it is interesting that the smaller the school the bigger the drama...hmm. My graduating class is about thirty people hmm...) It bugs the fuck out of me. It's why I'm typically in my own world drawing or reading. So I don't go postal on them (read; kick the shit out of them, and herd towards wall or nearby hard surface) and knock their heads into the wall/desk/floor repeatedly by grabbing a fistful of their hair, -hopefully breaking their nose and making them loose a few teeth-, stomp on their ribs, do a couple of arm-locks break their arm, and walk off.

You can tell I'm a quiet person by nature huh?

So my Naruto is a bit of a quiet person when doing something semi-thought intensive, or mind-numbing. However when not doing so is more like the canon Naruto, which means he is loud and flamboyant; I can put this off as artistic attitude. He is just a hell of a lot more observant since drawing requires you to be. This doesn't mean that the person with the photographic memory can draw but if someone draws well, and not just manga and anime, -since in order to draw them you have to know how they look like and all- but can draw some still-lives and landscapes well along with random objects from a couple of glances. If you can draw people, -realism please- and get all the nuances, the facial expressions, the subtle shift in the body, and such. That takes a hell of a lot of observation skill. Also since he has such a high observation skill he isn't nearly as clueless about social situations, and at times slightly introspective.

End of my little rant...

Also one of my reviewer said 'I'm surprised he's not insane' or something along those lines. Whoever said that he was? Who said that anyone was? Really to get the definition of insane, most people think crazy. This definition is only partly correct. A lot of Latin and Latin-based words are in the English language, which if you go and use the Spanish/Latin translation of the word 'in'- as in not, 'sane' as in health. True in Spanish the word is 'sauna' (I think, I didn't have Spanish this school year -which is now over as of 5-21-09- so it's rusty). Add in some accent, a couple of centuries, you have a different spelling of the word. We don't spell tiger as tyger anymore. SO if you really want to get down to it, 'surprised he's not insane' = 'surprised he's still alive/healthy'. Thank the Kyuubi. Word history is **so** fun when you bastardize it.

Also another of my reviewers said "Nice reference to the Night Angel trilogy." This is a three book series, which is a _really_ good read. Really, so good that my dog (Pomeranian and Chihuahua mix) ate the first book of mine of that series that I bought. I have yet to replace it. I am deeply grieving for it. I had to read the other two in soon after in case my dog took a liking to those as well...

Thirdly, and lastly that s/he likes my story, it's sad, happy and mysterious, -yay! - But s/he also wants to know what the Aburames and Akimichis are descended from. Well, that's a secret for later. (I'm surprised that no one asked about the Inuzukas or Hyuugas actually, but I guess the Akimichis and Aburames have more appeal than they do. How did that happen?)

Now that my little rant is over, and answers to some of my reviewers, even if it's answers they don't want to hear, I'll tell you something. There are still plot holes that need patching. For example, what happened to Kyuubi, how well does he know the Hyuugas, and where's Kamisori? This document is a bit too large to go over with a fine tooth comb, so a quick brush will have to suffice. Also, if you see anything grievously wrong, please report it. Something else besides the fact that I have enough sentence fragments to make a book. I know, and my computer makes me know so.

So the next chapter will fill in most of the holes, since the story migrated some ways off of its plotted course.

* * *

**Chapter eight; Stupid (and traitorous) exam rules...**

"Okay, class since Naruto is finally here, we'll review the Henge no jutsu. Now I want everyone to turn into me when I call you up." Iruka cheerfully said to the class. Which in turn made them groan and mutter.

They would have groaned and muttered more had they been the ones chasing Naruto. Really he could understand the pranking for attention, but the Hokage monument? That was uncalled for! And to paint a flower crown on the Shodai, (which sort of made sense), and have the Nidiame crying, with fish and octopi swimming up the waterfall of tears, (which also made a bit of sense if you thought about it, was he going crazy?). The Yondaime had orange hair for Sandaime's sake! (Because he ran out of yellow and gold paint of course, and had to mix in bits of his _sacred_ orange. HE called Orange sacred!)That wasn't even the worst of it, the Sandaime had a paper Mache' hat and pipe, with the wrinkles painted on. He was really curious on how Naruto managed to get those to scale and to stay onto the monument. Naruto wasn't that good at geometry now was he?

It was fully possible with him. He didn't have the grade for that test, since he was absent that day. And the day for the remake. And any other time they wanted him to make the test up, till he finally gave in two days before the grading period was over and he was caught and he would have failed then if not for the fact that he scored high enough to pass the class although the rest he left blank afterwards. So the results of the test were inconclusive to say the least.

It was sort of well known in some shinobi circles, -those few unbiased, and with decent information- that Naruto could have been the next prodigy. He just didn't step up? To most shinobi it didn't make any sense to waste time like he obviously did. However they weren't used to thinking too -read a really fucking long distance way- outside the box, since they already were by judging him normally, also they really hadn't observed the kid at all. In fact, until Naruto's sort of personal tutor, the poor guy that got stuck teaching remedial lessons, pointed it out, even he hadn't realized it.

He had once been in ANBU for crying out loud! In the hunter Nin division, but who really cared? ANBU was ANBU for a damn reason.

It being the fact that Naruto was aware of what was happening out in the world, even as he was asleep at his desk. He knew who had the upper hand in the politics and policies of the village better than he, a chunin and ex-ANBU of the leaf did. He could detect the slightest eddy, wave or slight in the village. He could feel the mood, summarize it, by watching a select few people, and boy, did the kid have some observation skill. He could probably fake out a Hyuuga when it came to reading body language. Thus he held himself back.

When, Kamisori then told Iruka, he felt a bit ashamed of himself for missing that fact. Also for missing the fact that it was the Kamisori who taught remedial classes. Okay, so five years as an ANBU and he was still pretty blind. Or he started to, now though he had a new perspective.

Naruto however, after his customary detention, walked up to him with eyes like an old and battle weary man and said, "So Kamisori finally told you?" and then he left. When Iruka tried to track him, he managed to get to the academy door before the trail 'winked' out. Which, since he was following the chakra residues of Naruto's large reserves, -incredibly large for his age- meant that Naruto had better control than most medics he knew.

Naruto played a very dangerous game. Keeping enough information out in the public gossip vines to fool most of the idiot politicians, and those who were even if they thought they weren't, keeping enough out to keep the more dangerous players away from him. Have a select few know this and such. It gave him a headache to even consider half the stuff that Naruto did on a daily basis. He then cut out on the musing since he had to judge a student, declaring it "Good."

As Iruka got closer to Naruto's name, a sinking feeling in his chest grew. It reminded him of the feeling you get when about to be ambushed. The hair that was standing up on the back of your neck, the chill that was creeping down your spine, the slightly increased breathing of your lungs, your heart pumping faster, fueling your will to live, all from a simple prank, or if in the field an ambush. Of course this was the academy so only a few could actually tell, or could probably since he doubted that Kiba knew what fear smelled like, and Hinata, by her families own words, 'was constantly doubting her validity.' a.k.a. not sure of shit.

Thus, he called this his 'prank' sense. It had developed in some students of the class, mostly because they were targeted more often. This was also known as the 'sixth' sense that most shinobi developed.

Originally it was more around Kiba, but after the pair had agreed on the Prankster Accords, everyone was fair game. The only one to escape totally was Hinata, and Shino, who was ever her silent bodyguard/shadow, had only been hit once. That was a complete accident, but it had converted half the Sasuke fangirls to Shino fangirls, since he couldn't wear his coat/jacket, since it was ruined for the day.

Though his 'prank' sense went off, if didn't necessarily tell you want it was or how to prepare for it. As Naruto disappeared in a puff of smoke, and a busty buxom blond with long hair in pigtails appeared, with smoke only covering parts of it, the parts that needed to be covered so as not to get fined for public nudity. Half of the male class drooled like Kiba; the other half did what Iruka did, and got nosebleeds. Since they hadn't hit puberty yet, they didn't rocket backwards onto the floor. The only males immune to that was Chouji who was eating, Shikamaru who didn't care and was performing a feat that most older Naras had only started to master, was sleeping on his feet, eyes open, body running on autopilot, Shino who was examining the logistics and uses of the technique with his bugs, and Sasuke who just chalked it up as totally stupid and worthless. A lot like Naruto, but like Naruto, it obviously had its uses, like showing who was a decent shinobi material or not.

The female side on the class was divided into thirds, a third was like, could I use this to augment my looks and get (insert name of crush here), another third was pissed at his sexist prank and the last third wanted to kill him, and shot him some killing intent.

"Application number one of henge, disguise. So like my new jutsu Iruka-sensei?" She pouted in absurdly cute way.

"NA-RU-TO!!!" Iruka growled out, with his nose bleed now stopped by the tissues in his nose.

The ninja around the tower and nearby academy shook their heads, just another typical day in Konoha. If it wasn't for the fact that no one was interested enough to note what times his pranks centered around, they would call it 'Old Faithful.'

* * *

**Examination room... (The next day...Duh! They were reviewing...*hint*hint*)**

After waiting forever, since they had went in alphabetical order for the ninjutsu part of the exam, Naruto had finally arrived in the examination room. This left him and Uchiha playing cards!?!? That was something to puzzle over later. Much less the winning pile.

"Okay, Naruto. Make three bushin and you get your headband." Iruka encouraged.

Mizuki smirked with confidence in his scheme. He'd get his revenge on the blond kid, get the secret scroll and escape the village and his blackmailer, who was certainly causing him grief. He had just lost his girlfriend to him. He just didn't know that his blackmailer was the blond boy in front of him and was profiting pretty well off of him. He might profit even more if his bet with Hitomi worked out. How long till Mizuki cracks? If he didn't go insane from the 'treatment' (read; utterly destroying all sense of worth along with the mind...) by next week he'd have to pay up last month's extortion. Yeah, who knew a mostly mute girl could be such a cut throat haggler?

"I'll do it this time Iruka-sensei." With that, a huge grin, a hand seal, and a huge puff of smoke, revealed Naruto, and two good Narutos and a half dead Naruto.

"Sorry Naruto, as much as I want to give this to you, you couldn't make three decent bushin, you fail." Iruka said truly sorry at the kid's failure. He was annoying, ye gods, he was annoying. But he grew on you. Like a strange hybrid of mold and weeds. Slow at first and then you were covered and beyond all hope. Like if you got lost in the Aburame's garden. They both had Standard Operating Procedures. Naruto's was following his lead in most situations. The Aburame's was stay in place and we will find you eventually.

But it still didn't make any sense. None at all! Naruto had some excellent chakra control, as shown by the fact that he could hide his chakra signatures so damn easily. It was pretty hard to hide, since it was so damn huge! It's like trying to hide a giant, ten foot in diameter bull's-eye behind a tree branch! Naurto could do it. Not just with the branch but with a twig! So he should be able to pull off the bushin no problem.

"Damn," Naruto said depressed. "I still can't do it like other people. Oh, well try number two." With that, and a puff about the size of the earlier one, revealed about eighteen Narutos who smiled and moved. One Naruto, the original one, asked. "Is that good enough?" The some of the other clones copied to an extent, while others did their own thing, showing that he had a great mastery of the technique.

"Sorry Naruto. The exam rules state that you only get one chance at the ninjutsu portion of the exam. However I would pass you, for this exhibition alone, if it was on the first try, but the rules."

"Well, that's stupid." Naruto said pouting.

Iruka mentally agreed but he then explained some logistics to Naruto that wasn't worth putting down into words for this story.

"Well, he did do the _bushin no jutsu _and executed a mastery that most of the students don't have. Why don't we pass him anyway?" Mizuki asked.

Naruto looked all hopeful, or like Mizuki had just sprouted angel wings. Naruto then imagined that he was attacked by angry villagers like he was a blasphemer to their fanatic religion. That image was what made his hopeful face smile. He probably had an overactive hyper imagination, but it had its uses. It allowed him to place people into the most inopportune of places in the most unimaginable places and situations.

It also allowed him to visually torment most people that pissed him off. Like Mizuki. His mental imaginings might make Ibiki shudder at times if Naruto had ever voiced some of the more, ah_...disturbing_ ones.

"The rules, Mizuki. The rules. Try again next year, Naruto." Iruka said his tone carefully neutral. Was this part of Naruto's plan? He didn't see how it fit? Did something come up that he wasn't aware of that made his student have to change plans and fail? Was there a political shift? Was he paranoid? He didn't know the answers to the others but the last one was a hell yeah.

"Yeah, next year man." Naruto sullenly agreed.

Naruto then back flipped, and escaped the room, Dryad style, -noticed by the fact that the door opened and closed- and went out to the playground swing, -looking miserable- a nice visible beacon for his target.

Iruka's jaw dropped. Naruto knew how to become invisible? That was new. It explained a lot though. Like how he got the monument in the first place since he did it in broad daylight.

But what jutsu was it? It wasn't one that he knew of, especially since the ones that he knew had a shimmer when you moved, but...

Still his stealth was pretty much already un-fucking-believable. His footsteps were nonexistent imaginary sounds for the paranoid, when the blonde wanted them to be. Then he recognized that Naruto hadn't used any hand seals. That denoted mastery on the technique that would only happen if you devoted several years' worth of practice. The kid had at least ANBU level stealth skill, and then some. With some work, a few years seasoning and a bit of practice, he'd make one hell of an ANBU assassin. Now to report it or not? He decided to go with option indefinite hiatus. Also known as forgotten due to stress at work.

If it was any indicator of how much stress Naruto put on the ANBU forces and such there was a box on the paperwork for whenever they wanted/needed/fill out a report or to have a vacation or to retire, that had his name on it.

Mizuki was just as shocked that the Kyuubi kid could do that. However that just worked so much better for his plans.

They continued with the exams, and after the three that came after Uzumaki, Mizuki found Naruto sitting under the tree in the swing, looking destroyed.

As he told Naruto the 'second' way to graduate, in a location where they couldn't be overheard, he mistook the calculating gleam in Naruto's eye for excitement since that was what he had schooled his face to show.

* * *

**Hokage Tower.., (a little while later...)**

"Ooh, Naruto what are do-"

"Sorry old man. I'm taking a secondary exam to graduate, so-" He then transformed into the buxom beautiful blond. Making the Hokage get a major nosebleed, and sending him into a wall, knocking him out.

Yep, the post-puberty guys went flying back into walls; it looks like those past mid-life crises and into old age did so too...back to plan and away from mind wandering.

Phase 1-Making himself seem totally incompetent, complete. Phase 2- Getting the scroll, waiting for completion. He pulled his Dryad trick out, making the traps and other security measures not register him anymore than they would register air. He then extended the effect to encompass the scroll. Phase 2- complete.

He left a short note to the Hokage in the only spot that he and only he would look. In the desk drawer that had his student's novels in there along with the latest of his file. His very extensive file. He found his file more entertaining than those boring books which was saying something.

He'd have to put the report of this in there. So he'd find it no problem.

He then left to get to the meeting spot that Mizuki had said to meet him at. He still had a few hours till time. He'd memorize the scroll in its entirety in the first hour or so, or just plain outright copy it. He'd copy it, or at least some of it, since it would be pretty handy all around. Then he would practice some techniques that weren't totally 'kill you when you used it', or required sacrifices since he was pretty sure those weren't just lying around.

When Mizuki would come to get him, shit, he had to have someone else get here about the same time Mizuki did. Okay, someone who would be a decent match against Mizuki, so that would mean another chunin. Iruka would be a good choice. He tended to find him anyway. Then again he was recruited into the ANBU for his tracking ability, and his skill with water jutsus. Which was a bit ironic since his clan, a few or several generations ago had moved from Mizu to Konoha. From water country to fire country. When at the formation of the seven swordsmen, several of his clan had faced them in the second war, which gained the clan a grudging admiration of the Mist since they weren't as 'weak' as the other leaf ninjas. Yeah, they only admitted it after losing three of the original seven to the Umino family. After Kyuubi though, the family had lost some of its prestige. As shown by Iruka teaching.

Give him a half-decent water source though and you had a guy barely worth a jonin's time to a guy you had to be wary of since he could easily take down several jonins.

See, he only fell asleep in history class since he knew it better. After all, when one of the original seven was a 'summer' shinigami, (since a kappa ages slower than humans you sort of have to disappear from human life for like fifty to eighty years after any major accomplishments that could earn you fame or infamy, and stay away from the area of and a bunch of other crap), you do tend to hear a lot of old war stories. Kappas made the people of Mizu and those of Iwa, who are known for being stubborn and vicious to the end and those rock 'hard' denizens look like fluff. The Kappas were the ones who founded Mist after all.

He really didn't understand the purpose of that at all. So he chalked it up as 'Kappas wanted to kill challenging opponents and thus made village, set some inhumane customs up, and then went to war. It's not like they were human anyway.'

After about ten minutes of sneaking out of the tower, he was on the roofs, running silently toward the rendezvous point. Reaching the rendezvous point, in the middle of the freaking forest of the academy, which due to practice was extremely easy to navigate.

He then sat to read through the entire scroll. After reading through it, and memorizing it and copying whole portions of it down on random-seeming pieces of paper, notebooks and scrolls he had on him, about two or three hours later, he started to work on the first technique, Kage Bushin.

IF anything happened to him, and people tried to piece together his notes they had a job that would take a damn long time, and a life-long position in the encryption unit.

Naruto may not be so good at planning at the moment but he'd work on it later. At the moment, his codes were unbreakable. Could he get three cheers for paranoia? Well that and he doubted that anyone knew kappa, much less coded kappa.

Besides, this was way too easy. Maybe he should talk to the Hokage and get the security updated? Or do it himself if he ever got that bored. Yeah, the Hokage tower was getting a security update courtesy of him, well once he got the Kage Bushin no jutsu down pat. It would only take one night.

* * *

**A few hours later...**

Naruto was resting, he had just 'mastered' a _few_ of the jutsus, those that wouldn't be obvious that he was attempting to master, and he was about as tired as he could get. 'Mastered' meaning he could do them but he didn't have the finesse of someone who had truly mastered those jutsus, enough to where they could be used in battle. He'd be fine in a few minutes. After catching his breath, he re-rolled the scroll.

He then heard footsteps coming. Lifting his headphones off his ears for a few seconds so he could identify who it was, he then placed them back over his ears. Time to act really stupid, since someone else was nearby. Countdown from fifteen...eleven...eight...five...two, one.

Iruka burst into the clearing. "Naruto! There you are! What are doing with the forbidden scroll?" He asked/demanded. It could be a lot of things, but thief wasn't the angle that Naruto wanted, he surmised.

"Oh, Iruka-sensei! Mizuki-sensei said that if I learned a technique from this scroll then I pass the exam! Do I get to pass? I can perform a technique from it! So do I?"

Then it all clicked for the scarred chunin. Naruto would only act this stupid if they were being watched and something was up. He went with both, the second cropped up in his mind. '_Mizuki's a traitor!?'_ He then proceeded to warn Naruto about Mizuki. Even if he knew they were being watched. All in the act.

Then Mizuki came into the area, on a thick tree branch and tossed a fuma shuriken. Iruka shoved Naruto out of the way with one hand, and shoved the shuriken off course with the help of a kunai that found its way into his grip. He didn't know that Naruto had stole it from him and set it in his hand. Hence the 'found its way into his grip.' He wasn't paying that much attention to Naruto, only enough to ascertain that he was alive and breathing. Mizuki didn't make chunin for no reason after all, and he had a small rep for being vicious.

"Mizuki-sensei," Naruto said his bum on the forest floor. He had stayed on it since Iruka had shoved him away and then covered him.

"Mizuki, how could you?" Iruka cried out. All an elaborate act, with Naruto as the pivot point.

"How could I what, you pathetic excuse for a chunin?" Mizuki taunted. He was an idiot to not know that Iruka was ex-ANBU much less from the hunter Nin division. He was one of the few hunter Nins that worked in pairs. Ironically he also had a success rate over ninety percent. After his partner quit, he retired. "Could I betray the Leaf? Yes, they've never gave me what I deserve, after I kill you and the boy, I'll take the forbidden scroll for myself and gain power." With those words he tossed the second fuma shuriken, too low to reflect, but low enough to force Iruka to take the shuriken in the back for Naruto. It really didn't embed itself too deep; the vest had stopped most of it. He could have done different but hey, impulse. He went with it. This was the danger of being too in character.

"Why? Iruka-sensei?" Naruto asked. He knew Iruka could have done something different but figured it had to do with some previous experience with Mizuki and him being pathetic looking.

Iruka knew with an unflinching certainty that Mizuki was going to do something stupid.

"Yes, why Iruka? Why are you helping the little monster? Do you know why all the villagers hate you Naruto?"

Naruto looked like a scared little boy, about to piss his pants. He was probably over doing it, but oh well. Only he and Iruka were here. He would have heard anyone else come, if for the simple fact that they may mask their steps but they couldn't mask their heartbeats. He'd long since learned that everyone had a different heartbeat. He could 'lock-on' to that heartbeat's particular tone, and locate it like a bat finds insects.

"This is why Naruto, why you have been hated all of your life" He began dramatically.

"Mizuki that is forbidden by law!" Iruka cried. Damn, who knew the dangers of getting too into character? He was enjoying the secret thrill of it. A little too much maybe, fuck, he liked the long-term missions where one was disguised and such.

"YOU ARE THE KYUUBI!" Mizuki said with an evil smile present on his face.

Naruto whiskered face shifted some before it took on a determined but confused look. He looked now like he was seeing Mizuki sprout an extra head and he was arguing with it and losing. Needless to say it was partway turned into a snarl with disgust.

Also part of Naruto's mind which had been conditioned to be objective and skeptical took over. It was a very mean bitter part of himself.

"That is **so** not true. Those hair dye fumes must be gettin' to ya'. 'Cause if I'm the Kyuubi wouldn't I be like all destroying Konoha, and laughing at the flames that consumed Konoha as its funeral pyre? 'Cause wasn't that what the history book said or somethin' like that? I think, all I know is that I drew a quick doodle of it in one of my notebooks. Except it was Iwa, or maybe Kumo that it was destroying, I don't really remember."

Obviously no one had ever presented that logic to Mizuki, however the mention of the doodle started up his frozen fanatic brain. However he quickly came up with a solution. "You're just waiting for the perfect moment to strike, and kill us all, when we're not looking."

"Me? Dude, I'm not that patient. You know better than that, you were my teacher after all. Early bird gets the worm and all that crap. Besides if I was Kyuubi couldn't I just like go all giant fox-form and stomp on you?"

"You'd get too much attention that way; you're just waiting for the perfect moment to strike. When we're weak, and trust you, so you could get us in the back. I'll take you out in one hit."

"Whatever Crazy-sensei, but just so you know, I did pass your test. Wanna see?" He called out to the mental chunin. Naruto then whispered quietly to the injured chunin. "Oh, Iruka-sensei? Remember what I wrote on the board the first day of class?" Not waiting for a response, "There's only a few dozen litter's worth in what I'm about to say." With that, the blond formed a crossed shaped seal, and made about three hundred Kage Bushin. Iruka only knew that since Naruto had murmured, "_Kage bushin no jutsu." _Several hundred clones popped up, covering the forest. Random ones started to speak out.

"But, anyway I should thank you for teaching me a nice lesson this one time instead of trying to sabotage it like you usually do..." This Naruto grabbed an arm and restrained it.

"Thanks for your **oh** so helpful instruction Mizuki-teme..." This Naruto hit several pressure points locking some muscles in place before getting kicked in the head by the chunin's flying feet.

"Now we get to return your _helpfulness_ in kind..." Another Naruto went and captured his leg, opening to a kick from another Naruto.

And some yelled out some random insults, and other things of its ilk. All the while damaging Mizuki in a systematic manner, most of which Iruka didn't see, since the original Naruto was patching him up.

With that, Iruka made up his mind, Naruto had met and exceeded the requirements of a gennin. He deserved to pass, even if he had to take it up to the Hokage himself. He did still have some clout, just not as much as he used to. Besides, '_Never trust a thing I say. Unless it has the grace of a feline.'_ was a nice phrase, especially since he said that it had a few litter's worth of felines in it. Means all of this is bullshit is true. It could also meant that Naruto was doing this for his or someone else's agenda, since grace could be equaled to permission or allowed. But who did the cat refer too, since the cat clan of Suna disbanded when they left the desert?

A clone leaned in close enough to whisper in Mizuki's ear, "Besides, you're right, I **am** biding my time, but you do know the penalty for breaking the Sandaime's law right? The thing is you didn't have to. I already knew ya' hear?" The Naruto clone then upper-cutted the bastard on the jaw, knocking towards a clone that had a roundhouse prepared. Which sent Mizuki and his locked muscles into another clone, who passed him on.

With that, the clones went and played 'beat it and pass it' also known as 'hot potato' with Mizuki. A half hour later, Mizuki was one huge bruise, with a dislocated knee from a quick strike in the shin.

Naruto had done basic first aid on Iruka, taking the bandages from a hidden pocket in his pants, and washing Iruka's injury out with water from a nearby creek, then cleaning it with the small bottle of hydrogen peroxide he had kept inside his pant leg's cuff. Thanks to the armored flak jacket/vest, had stopped most of the shuriken from even sinking in fully. All in all it wasn't that deep. He just had to keep in mind not to bend so much.

"Thanks Naruto. Now close your eyes. And remember this is from me to you, a gift from one person to another. Not to a monster. You're my favorite student after all. Just don't tell the other that okay? They'd get jealous."

Naruto did, and then he felt a feeling of slight heaviness on his head. He opened his eyes and saw that Iruka wasn't wearing his headband. So his brain making a quick connection, he went and tackled Iruka.

This probably constituted as one of the happiest moments of his life.

What made it even better in Naruto's opinion was the fact that Iruka went on to say that he had met and exceeded the requirements, and even though he had technically failed, with recent events coming to light, they'd make a exception for him, even if he had to take it to the Hokage himself. Then Iruka winced and Naruto let go of him, and the Hokage found his note, and had the ANBU pick up the mess of bruises that was once the chunin Mizuki.

Who was then introduced to Ibiki. Ibiki had a field day since he had been under suspicion for a while. That and he had some anonymous evidence delivered to his desk. Anko would later pout and whine since she was gone on a mission at the time, and would have loved to play with him.

A/N; So tempted to end it there. But it would be so damn short then. And I wanted to get the next part over with.

* * *

**Academy, one-week after the Mizuki incident****...**

Naruto had got into the classroom early, instead of his usual tardiness or absences. For once he was on time, early actually, which made some ANBU members who had bets on whether or not he was the next coming of Kakashi lose some money. -Read half of paycheck-

Really, his absences and tardiness added up to missing the equivalent of three and a half years in the academy. Nearly four. That was about as bad as Kakashi since he was only there for a year when he was six. Itachi had to suffer through the academy for two years, since he didn't have to deal with conflict that lead up to a war several years later. Naruto had the equivalent of a total of three years, since the first year didn't really count as he was playing catch up, and the last two didn't count as he had already had the year. So really he had only attended it for three years. Then you add or subtract his absences from the total amount of years he had attended, which was six, since he had started at five or so, so that equaled three years of boring academy that he had already knew...

If you felt like doing some elaborate finagling with numbers that is.

Why was he here? To set up a pretty elaborate prank. So had Kiba. If only to watch what was going to happen with the rest of the class. This wasn't really the time for it. The 'twitch' had gotten slightly mellower after the whole forbidden scroll thing but it still hurt a lot when it came, as it was now. Then again he'd cut back on how much he was limiting himself every week. Sure he was slowly getting less and less every week but now it was going down by eighths instead of half a week. He was just lucky he had gotten used to worse, and thus the pain that would have even some seasoned jonins bawling was only getting noted.

Morsus was a big bad bitch. It killed upon withdraw. It was a poison that caused pain upon withdrawal, but was otherwise not note-worthy. Unless you were a hedonist or one of those people who loved pain in which you probably took it because it increases sensations since it bonded to the nervous system, and only took three grams to where it would bond with the body's enzymes to where you had to take it or you'd start getting problems. Like lots and lots of pain, so much that it can cause heart attacks, multiple ones, in people younger than twenty-five, and seizures, and eventually death.

Lunch had already happened, and the teams had already been announced. Now to satisfy some's curiosity.

Akamaru wandered over from Kiba to Naruto, _Is it set up the right way? Kiba-kun wants to know Naruto-sama._

_Yep, Naruto replied back, every last detail is set, the scent trail here, the kennels on a timed release seal, and the scent sprayer on the door._ He just didn't know why Akamaru called him that, scratch that he did, but despite his attempts he couldn't get Akamaru to drop the honorific. That he understood Akamaru better was not something he wanted to advertise to Kiba.

Akamaru then went back to his partner, and relayed the message. He then came back to ask, _Is Hinata going to come through the window like we told her?_ Actually Akamaru didn't really say it that way, but his brain translated it that way. It was more of a monochrome picture of Hinata and her scent, and a picture of the window with her going through it.

_She should, along with Shino, Shikamaru and Chouji. And don't give me that look, they asked me if I had anything planned on the day that teams were assigned, and since it was a big prank I told them. I'm not gonna break my promise that way. Sasuke might just if he sees them doing so and do it himself. Hope he doesn't._

Then it was past time for discussion since the rest of the class that had graduated started filling in the desks. Some came in via the window and most by door. _How'd you pass? Kiba-kun wants to know that too._

_Oh, I caused a big controversy, since I passed the ninjutsu with flying colors, even with my bushin problem, then again, I did do the bushin jutsu twice, one fail, and one pass, and the whole thing got into a big huge argument which the Hokage stepped in and said that I should pass, since I did meet and exceed the requirements for the bushin part of the exam, even if I took a little longer to set up than most, and that my teammates would just have to cope._

Akamaru accepted that, which made Naruto feel a bit guilty since he could lie so damn well and quickly, that not even animals could tell the difference. Well, that was mostly the truth. He then had to start the prank. He pulled out his handy dandy notebook (1), turned to a decorated page and channeled some chakra into it.

Over at the Inuzuka's kennels, the doors opened to most of the pens, and the dogs behind them took off like gray hounds chasing the rabbit.

The rest of the class came in, Sasuke from the window, with a quick barely perceptible nod in the direction of the blond trouble-maker. Which his remaining loyal fangirls took to be signs of his love for them as they came in and saw.

Sakura and Ino squished themselves through the door, and Kiba shot a quick glance of 'What the fuck now?' also known as 'This is gonna be fucking hilarious later. Get the camera and film dude.'

Naruto shrugged. It was the 'wait and see' sign that they had agreed upon.

Iruka came in through the other door, specifically the door used by the academy teachers. He was spared the prank but only barely, Naruto had said that as the last day of him being in his class he should have a small break.

Iruka then gave a nice speech that was really just some pretty words that no one with any brain cells capable of independent thought listened to. It was just given so that the jonins had time to get here after the gennin had gotten in the classroom.

"Okay, now we'll announce the gennin teams again in case you forgot over lunch. Team 1..." Naruto tuned him out until he heard the distant howl of the on-coming pack. Which thanks to his ears, he now knew was about a few minutes out of target area.

"Team 7 is Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha..." Naruto flinched when he heard Sakura's yell of how true love prevailed over all. His headphones couldn't protect against all that noise.

Naruto really needed to come up with a jutsu that would make you temporarily deaf, so he wouldn't have to listen to her.

"...and Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto then went and started banging his 'new' forehead protector against the desk. Repeatedly. Because he was stuck on probably the most dysfunctional team in existence.

He had really hoped, no, dreamed and prayed that he had heard wrong. Unfortunately this was not so.

The rest of the class ignored his antics, after a second or two of watching. This was mild for the blond that a few girls liked since he was all artistic and temperamental, even if their parents had warned them about him. They just thought it was about his temperament and relative viciousness when it came to revenge.

Thank god for people lying to themselves all the time. It had saved Naruto's hide several times, while nearly costing it a few times as well.

"Team 8 is Shino Aburame, Hinata Hyuuga, and Kiba Inuzuka. Team 9 is still in circulation from last year, and Team 10 is Chouji Akamichi, Shikamaru Nara, and Ino Yamanaka. Your jonin instructors should be here shortly. Then you guys can go with your teammates and new sensei."

Some of the jonin instructors walked in, Kiba and Naruto looked at each other, and then looked at the jonins. They were in some deep trouble. Hinata was considering going to warn the jonins, but that meant ratting out on those two. So her meek hand went back down.

She didn't have to. The dogs then came and started humping just about everyone in the class room. Hinata had walked up the wall out of reach, Shino silently following her lead. Those that knew how to do that did so. Unfortunately that was only four people in the class. Hinata, Shino, and a few others who didn't wish to reveal that they could and thus stayed in their seats watching the chaos.

Naruto also had film, recording this from several angles. He really had to thank Itachi the next time he saw him. His sixth birthday gift kept coming in handy. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving.

He also had cameras worked into the wall to get some awesome pictures of the jonins. Talk about black mail material. He even had a few hidden in the hall outside, to be triggered when people got into position.

The sensei's for Team 8 and 10, who since the jonins who had arrived had arranged in the numerical order and thus would be some of the last jonins to enter, decided not to enter the barking, growling and screaming chaos that was once the classroom. Instead they called out their meeting points, and walked slowly at first, and then full out body flickered out of there. What was scary was the fact that they were holding hands while doing so. As later shown on picture when he threatened to blackmail them both.

The other sensei's were attacked by canines and subsequently humped. They then went and subdued them through various means, and handed to chunin and Inuzukas who would take them back to the compound. The other sensei's then said for their students to meet them after cleaning up and showering.

Team seven had to wait. Why? Their sensei was late. Sasuke had convinced Sakura, who was covered in dog, to go and shower, and come back through the window. Since the door was obviously rigged.

In his own special Sasuke way, which said, 'This place reeks of dog, I don't like dogs. 'Which after a quick thirty minutes, and Naruto saying that when and if their sensei would appear he and Sasuke would explain and cover for her. Naruto then explaining the door being trapped without implicating himself in any way and shouldering any and all blame on Kiba.

He just hoped Kiba would understand. Matter of survival and all that. In the meantime he would get the cameras and camcorders, after disarming the door. He and Sasuke shared a similar smirk, there would be a small film fest later, and it was Sasuke's turn to bring the popcorn. Not! But it was a thought. He, being an Uchiha had better things to do than watch the other's humiliation. Although there were a few people who must have liked the dogs, or went into shock since they didn't struggle against them. Which was some scary shit all in all, but not like _his_ level of scary shit.

Fifty minutes later, a clean Sakura entered via window, and saw Naruto setting up some stuff.

"Naruto, that's an explosive note isn't it?" She asked slightly concerned, for she had only seen that part of the trap.

Naruto gave a huge grin. He then added it to the eraser that he set up in the door. He had already set up some kunai and shuriken traps in the hall.

"Now, we wait for the show."

"What show?" Sakura asked.

Naruto revised his opinion of her from book-smart, and missing some common sense to brain dead with the exception of memorization, which all in all is a low level skill. She went from sort of decent to practically pathetic.

"The show that shows our sensei not to be late." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"That's so STUPID! Naruto, that won't ever work, our sensei is a jonin." She then punched Naruto's head into the desk.

"Well, Naruto set that up in less than a few minutes, and if anything it will show our sensei not to be late again, right Naruto?" Sasuke said, his unsaid words endorsing his prank.

"Yeah, better believe it." Naruto murmured from the desk. "If our sensei isn't here in the next thirty minutes I'm making it into a death-trap. Till then, how about a game Sasuke?" He then held up a pack of cards he had salvaged from his pants pockets. Since they were cargo pants they had plenty of pockets. The good thing about tailoring your own clothes was the fact that his baggy pants, especially for a ninja, had way more than most ninja would carry. He had about twelve obvious pockets on his pants. Kamisori was awesome, even if he did like to play cat's cradle way too damn much. After all Kamisori's vest was altered to be longer than usual, and his pants were also baggy, but that was because slightly below the knees, the pants were missing an inch of fabric all around his knees, and was held together by ninja wire. While Naruto didn't follow Kamisori's fashion sense totally, he did the vest thing since the ninja lawyer's incredibly efficient secretary always commented on people's asses, which made you incredibly self-conscious over time.

Sasuke then took out his own deck of cards, marked by the Uchiha fan crest, with a smirk. A smirk that would vanish as time went on and he learned that Naruto plus any deck of cards plus any card game that could possibly have money riding on it, equals Naruto's opponents loosing majorly.

* * *

**Hokage's Tower... (About an hour thirty minutes before Naruto re-rigs his traps...)**

"I was going to go and investigate my student's rooms today but, you said something about, coming and seeing you first. Is there a particular reason Hokage-sama?" A silver haired, with a weird hairstyle that looked to be fighting/side stepping gravity, man asked, slightly reserved.

"Ah, yes. Naruto's apartment. To put it frankly, his entire building, which thanks to some old property laws, he has inherited, could literally have more and better security than this tower."

The visitor's visible eye widened, "H-Ho-ka-kage-sama?" He sputtered out. That was pretty much impossible. Wasn't it? The tower had ANBUs and other ninja crawling in and out of it all day long. What building could have better than that? Much less how could that happen? True you had the spy factor and some other things that needed to be addressed and such but still?

"Let me show you proof if you need it." With that the Hokage searched his robe, and pulled out a black key. "Now look very closely, I'll get a magnifying glass if need be. No insult intended."

The white-haired man looked at the key, raising it to eye-level. The key was a silver-grey, just covered in seals. Seals upon seals upon seals. If the key had a few square-inches worth of area, well it would be covered.

The Hokage watched the white-haired jonin's posture carefully. He could see the jonin's posture change slightly, as he mentally listed all the seals that were put on the key.

"Hokage-sama, if I was a fainting type of person, I would faint at the moment. This key is really a key, isn't it?" He would faint if he really knew that it only allowed him into Naruto's apartment.

"He calls it a limited master key. It allows me and only me, to visit at anytime, or so he said. I haven't really studied it enough to see if that is true. To bring in someone else, is under his boss master key, or his skeleton key. That key that you're holding right there was given to me when he was about ten or nine, after I had visited him since he had missed about three week's worth of the academy. I decided to let him keep the book he'd learned seals from since he had barrowed it a long time ago. Anyway, it's keyed only to me so to bring you in is a controlled risk."

"Skeleton key? Why would he need that? Doesn't this allow you to get to his apartment?" Things just weren't adding up for the cycloptic jonin. That meant he had other spots that had other security measures on them. Those might even be tighter than those at his house.

"Let's face it Kakashi, he hasn't had the best of lives. Despite my efforts, there are still calls and letters asking for his death that come in everyday, every week, month and year. Occasionally, someone gets it into their heads to take matters into their own hands and has tried to kill him; we have a recorded thirty-four times when he was taken into the ICU with injuries fatal to anyone else. They were beyond fatal injuries into the realm of corpse mutilation. Most of those involving broken bones, and stab and slash wounds. To stop about more than half of those, we enrolled him in the academy, for his own protection. There is also the fact that they're not really treating him like he's supposed to be treated." Although he had hid the fact of who the Kyuubi was sealed in, after it got out it was in a blond kid, things went from okay to bad for him, and eventually worse as his life went on. Now you had a guy with almost ANBU level paranoia, who was so damn intuitive that he could almost guess anything up with you faster Ibiki or Inochi, and those two were master interrogators with highly expansive psyche training.

"Ah." The jonin said. His poor student, which was suffering, at the tender mercies of ignorance and paranoia. His sensei had done the impossible before, in the Hirashin no jutsu, so why not in sealing the bijuu king?

"Now then, I'll give you his file," With that the Hokage opened up a drawer in his desk, and pulled out the drawer, and moved to hand it to Kakashi.

Kakashi blinked again. "Surely sir, that can't _**all**_ be for a child not even thirteen."

"Twelve, Kakashi. And that is true. It's not all." Sarutobi corrected. "He'll be twelve in October, and yes, it isn't all. We have a whole file cabinet dedicated to him, this just holds the most recent, and highlights of him, sort of like the Naruto museum in the ANBU headquarters." The old man tacked on his last sentence quickly. Kakashi had been retired from ANBU just long enough to not know that personally. However he still had a few ANBU buddies who had complained of that.

"Just ignore all of the defacement of properties, and the property damage charges." The wizened old man said, and with a quick quirk of his face he said. "On a side note, don't. The pictures of some are pretty humorous. On one, when he wasn't even five yet, he got the Uchiha's Military Police building, twice, once as a quote "fisherguy" and the second he made, well you can look for yourself. I'm surprised that he knew what that was at that age. Then again red light district does some things to little kids, but you can't fault his eye for detail."

"Hokage-sama, give me something that I could take home and read. That drawer is not exactly portable, with all due respect, sir."

"Okay then, I'll hand you a quick reference sheet, of his activities." With that he pulled out a rather full manila folder, which had just about everything about Naruto on it. "This is the portable one. Be glad I'm not giving you the file cabinet that is pretty much dedicated to him. On another note, this folder has a bunch of numbers in it, and not very many descriptions, which means you better come in and get and read through this drawer sometime in the near future. Before the year is out, Kakashi." Sarutobi added in an authoritarian voice.

Kakashi then sealed the folder in a small scroll he had in his vest, and shushin-ed out of there, only to miss the Hokage's smirk, as the person who was in charge of reporting all the pranks that were pulled by Naruto at the academy. He was the person who was involved in all things Naruto, with a few exceptions.

"Hokage-sama, Tsume, and Hana both report that all the dogs that escaped are back in their pens."

"Good, and tell them to not let it happen again."

"Yes, sir. So what do you want me to do about the complaints that are coming in, I know a few jonin will file some."

"Where you usually put them."

"I'll need another file cabinet if he keeps this up any longer."

"Well he graduated, so maybe Kakashi will work him hard enough to where he won't." The Hokage then pulled out his pipe and lit it thinking, '_But I really doubt that will happen. Knowing Kakashi as I do.'_

_

* * *

  
_

**Academy...**

"Two cards," One kid said.

"Four cards." Kid two said.

"Dealer gets two." Said the kid who was dealing.

"Three of a kind, sixes." The first kid called out.

"Two pair, Queens and twos." The dealer said.

"My turn huh?" Said the second kid. "Well, I tried to lose this hand, but no such luck. Straight." The other two groaned as Naruto showed a three, four, five, the last six and seven.

"That's the last of my allowance too." The dealer whined.

"Well, it's not like I'm gonna keep it. I mean it's just a game. What's your money situation Sasuke?" Asked the kid who won, shoving a small portion of the winnings back towards the dealer.

"I've enough for lunch, and a snack. But, dobe, you must have a kekki genkai at cards or something to win that much at cards. That has to be the only explanation for it, unless you're related to Lady Luck or made a deal with her or something."

Sasuke had no idea of how close to the truth he was with that statement.

"And I keep your money then. I'm not gonna rob people of their lunch money. Sakura-chan, what's the time till I rig it to blow up sensei?"

"About six minutes or so. Why Naruto?" She scowled out the last part; he just took Sasuke's money! And Sasuke let it happen! What was up? Why were they playing cards like old buddies? Things just weren't making any sense. Sure Naruto was good at graffiti and all, so why was a street rat and an Uchiha playing cards like old friends?

Naruto then took out his little black memo book from his vest, and a pencil and marked something down. "So you want to know your total so far Sasuke?"

"Hn." Was all he said, which made Sakura go all heart-eyed and forget about the whole cards thing.

Naruto then, sighed, and started gathering the cards, after putting the little black book back, and his pencil. "Look bored." He shoved the cards back at Sasuke, who looked annoyed.

Then he took a seat and feigned extreme boredom, while watching the clock. Inside he was smiling. In a few minutes the show would go on. So he braced his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

Naruto, after rocking back and forth a few times in the chair, went and moved a hand into a countdown style of movement. His five fingers, dropped to four, then three, two, one.

Their sensei came in, slightly panicky, one of those flying weapons had hit him actually, and he then felt the eraser hit his head. He then, picked it off his head and noticed the tag.

One of his students called out, "Just think, sensei, in about six minutes I would have reworked the traps I set up from challenging sensei level, to screaming metal death trap. Just so you know that tag _isn't_ not a dummy." Naruto's double negative causing Sakura to squirm.

"Well, that's nice to know." The jonin said, nonchalant, although if Ibiki was there he would have said that Kakashi was over-doing it. "Now my first impression of you guys is that I don't like you. Now, meet me on the roof in ten. Naruto, you have to clean up all of your traps after our meeting is done." The he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Sakura was about to pounce on him, but Sasuke stopped her, saying "We need to get to the roof now, since I think he was talking about us as a whole and not individually. Naruto, get some of your stuff pronto, who knows what that spazz of a jonin has planned for us."

Sasuke and Sakura then went through the teacher's door and up the stairs.

Thus Naruto, using a nice seal arrangement that he had sort of half-invented/half found use for, channeled some chakra into his shuriken pouch, which summoned and sealed his shuriken into it, temporarily before setting a set number of them into the pouch and did the same for his kunai. He then took down his ninja wire with quick and nimble hands that most jonin couldn't even match when it came to traps.

He then made it up to the roof with a minute to spare. Their sensei was waiting for him and motioned for him to sit down with the other two.

"Now then, I'd like for you three to introduce yourself, you know your name, your hobbies, likes, dislikes, dreams for the future that sort of thing."

Sakura then asked him to do it first, so they would know how to do it.

The lazy, white haired, masked, cycloptic jonin then introduced himself. "Well, my name is Hatake Kakashi. I don't have very many likes or dislikes. My dream doesn't really matter," He then trailed off some and then added, "I have lots of hobbies."

That was the conclusion of his introduction. Seeing the looks on his students faces he chuckled, "Now, you first pinky."

"Uh, my name is Haruno Sakura, and I like..." She eye-rapes the Uchiha and blushes, "My dream is..." She eye-rapes the Uchiha again and blushes even more. "My dislikes are Ino-pig and Naruto!"

"Ah, okay then. You next Blondie with the ponytail."

_'He looks a lot like sensei..__.__with Jiraya's hair style.'_

"Alrighty then." Naruto said in a tone of voice that team seven would soon associate with a playful mood. Which they would later associate the word 'run' to. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen, pranks, and drawing, oh and maybe teaching a few people a few lessons. I dislike the three minutes it takes for water to boil for my ramen, people who don't like ramen, and people who burn ramen. (A/N; How can you do that? Ask my little brother people. He did it.) I really dislike those who pick on the weak, and those who can't take a joke or can't appreciate artwork. My dream, other than be an awesome well respected ninja is to be a well recognized artist."

"Whatever." Sakura scoffed not knowing what would be wrought. "Whatever could you teach you baka? And what could you draw anyways? Stop trying to be so cool." She said off-handedly.

Kakashi would have stepped in, but this was a good time as any to see the dynamics of the team. Besides he had this feeling...

"Okay, what about asphyxiation?" He supplied.

"That's when you die when you suffocate, duh." She answered.

"Did you know there are different ways to die by that? What happens when you choke on, let's say water?"

"How should I know? You're not making any sense."

"You drown, dum-dum. A civilian in good shape or a gennin could hold his/her breath about three or five minutes or so, longer if they know how to use chakra a certain way and have enough control for it. Most jonin or ANBU can hold theirs anywhere from seventeen to thirty minutes. If they use a bit of lightning element chakra to break up the water into it's components, but that's for a different time. Now then, let's say you're stuck underwater, and you have to breathe. What happens next?"

Kakashi was impressed that his student knew how to hold his breath underwater indefinitely. It was usually spelled out by the ANBU how to do that, well as long as you have chakra.

"You get out of the water?"

"Wrong. Since you're ninja an enemy ninja could be holding you underwater, in a water prison or something like that, they might even had frozen the top part of the lake solid. Well, once you have to breathe, water will hit your lungs, and you'll go through the rigors, which if you aren't saved in the next twenty-thirty seconds, you'll die. Good lesson huh? Especially since drowning is not as peaceful as people would have you to believe. It sucks. Your body screams for air, your mind says no, the headache forces you not to care, and as the water hits your lungs, you get a shock to your system, you immediately try to cough it up, but you've no air to cough with, more water pours into ya'. Limbs feel like they're weighted with lead and shit like that. You're dead within thirty seconds after that. Needless to say, drowning is an all around sucky way to go."

With that, Sakura was partially cowed, but was muttering softly about how that didn't mean he could draw and thus had to suck at being an artist since all he did was graffiti.

Naruto muttered something partially louder than her, about certain foreheads being so huge that it affected her eyesight. So when he pulled out a stenographer's notebook(2), and flipped to a certain page, which showed a really good rendering of the village in pencil, with pencil marks still scattered around on it, with the tower in it, and the Hokage heads looking benevolently over their village.

'_He had to have been on the wall when he drew that._' Kakashi thought.

"Still think I can't draw?" He taunted.

She huffed, and started to violate the Uchiha with her eyes again.

"Alright, now that little lesson is out of the way, brooder you go."

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don't have very many likes, or dislikes. I don't really have any hobbies, and my dream, no ambition is to revive my clan and kill a certain man."

As Naruto and Sakura stared bored-ly or eye-raped at him because of his revelation, their sensei cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Well, get some rest, tomorrow we're doing a survival exercise."

Sakura babbled something about doing those in the academy.

Kakashi chuckled at her naïveté, "Well, it's not really an exercise, it's your real gennin exam. It has a sixty-six percent fail rate."

Sakura then went and said that they had already taken the gennin exam.

Kakashi smiled behind his mask. They were so much fun to tease. He just had the feeling that Naruto was playing along with the other two. "Well, that was to weed out the hopeless causes, and the weaklings. Now meet me at training ground seven, at five a.m. Also I advise you guys might not want to eat breakfast, you'll just throw it up."

The trio stared at him with wide eyes.

"Now, you all are dismissed for lunch, except you Naruto. I want to know how you got your hands on an explosive tag, and retained it long enough to make a fake, when they are restricted even to some chunins."

Sasuke took off across the rooftops, to train most likely, while Sakura left down the stairwell.

Naruto gave a grin to her that he'll be okay, and then turned to Kakashi.

"So Naruto, were you trying to kill me?" Kakashi asked holding the tag out as proof.

"Nah, just a lesson."

"And that would be?"

"I get bored easily, I have a room in ANBU headquarters, known affectionately as the Naruto Museum, and I don't like waiting with nothing to do, and that I know how to rig explosives well enough to slide off a roof, without causing any other damages.

"Basically put, the more you make me wait, the more deadly the traps will be. As I said, that was rigged to challenge sensei, which meant I used the basics of what I did when I was a kid, just with weapons and stuff instead or rock and miscellaneous."

"And I should believe this why?" This was pretty informative in a way.

"Uh, the Naruto Museum came into being since all my pranks were causing the ANBU departments, to go over-budget with uniform costs. So I stopped pranking the ANBU. Those that are new to ANBU get to go through a course that I designed when I was like eight, since the Naruto Museum came into being when I was nine; I took them through a part of forest that absolutely ruined the entire squad's uniform. That course has been set up time and time again, since then. Surprisingly, only two people have made it through without any marks indicating fatal injury, and never on their first try."

That sounded frighteningly familiar to him, maybe because it reminded him of a certain ANBU training ground. He still hadn't made it through there all the way without a fatal injury marking.

"I couldn't get one at the Uchiha Military Police Station since they kind of died before then. Plus it was more fun graffiti-ing it anyway. Although the doormat covered in glue was a favorite of mine but still. Then there is the cinder block with the scarecrow on the back that was glued on by accident when I was seven."

Kakashi was now mad at his student; he had gotten blamed for that. Really, when you had a random scarecrow drop on you, that had a mask on it, who would you, think it was.

"The tags I get, partially from the ANBU, and some from my own source, at varying strength. I've also got tags that aren't really explosive tags, but are just as dangerous. And a prototype of another tag."

"You made them yourself." Kakashi stated. Explosive tags always had varying strengths depending on how potent the chakra infused ink was. But a tag that didn't explode that was just as destructive? That was some scary shit. Flash bombs were some of the Uchiha's worst enemies.

The kid could make tags if he had the proper ink, which he had to have somewhere, since he had those tags and the prototypes of others.

"Duh, who's gonna sell them to me? They'll worry that I'll blow up the village or something stupid and uncreative like that."

'_That's uncreative?' _Kakashi wondered, what was creative.

"Anyway, other than a good amount of skill in stealth and traps, I'm not much good in anything else. Well seals, but I'm really not even that good, I'm just good at arranging them, in a pattern or design to where they'll work well. Like setting a trap so-so, you have to get into a certain mindset, and think about the possibilities and probabilities of whomever you're trapping, which is what my apartment building is designed to do, and contain for however long I want. After you're caught, you won't get out until I let you out, which depending on my mood, I might after an hour, day or week. Like I said, depends."

Naruto gave another huge grin.

"But, now I have to prepare for your test. By the way, thanks for letting me sleep in. Now I just have to inform my morning work-out buddy what I'll be doing tomorrow." He then lifted the headphones off a bit, sat them back on, and just before he jumped to the next rooftop, "He'll probably forgive me a few mornings, but if I miss too many, I'll get a lecture on the benefits of being 'youthful.' Have a nice day sensei!" Naruto cheerfully yelled, before speeding away across the rooftops, in an evasive way from Kakashi's line of sight.

Whatever Kakashi had been thinking before hand, at Naruto making his own tags, at having his apartment building trapped beyond most ANBU's capabilities, at knowing some odd obscure and highly confidential facts -for a gennin- was then wiped from his mind. He could only think that Naruto knew Gai, and worked out with him in the mornings. And that Naruto survived and was sane and didn't wear green spandex.

What he didn't know was the fact that holding the tag that Naruto had put on the eraser was what he called a mind-blower, well until he had a better name for it. It looked like a standard explosive tag, it would also explode like a normal tag but put under a microscope like the byukyugan, you'd see the chakra infused white ink on the tag, which when activated put the person in a small trance, to where they'd forget what happened afterwards, and you could literally control their mind, when it came to hiding stuff that is, and replacing it.

Basically, he rewired Kakashi's brain's memories of this morning, making him forget the entire conversation they had just had, and what had led up to it. Kakashi still remembered talking to him, but about the Mizuki incident, -since Naruto had said back in the class room that the tag around the eraser was a fake by double negative-, to where Naruto had said, he wasn't used to trusting many, because he was used to being betrayed, and that was faked after seeing some at a shop. It was why his apartment building was a veritable fortress. And his skill with seals wasn't with making new ones, but putting other seals together in new ways. Which explained away the key. He left the Gai mention alone, since it would freak out Kakashi.

Thus the newly rewired Kakashi, who feeling a bit of sympathy for his student, for no one should ever be use to that kind of thing, and if one of his students were to mention explosive tags and Naruto in conjunction in the next few days, to say it was taken care of, and that the tag had been a fake.

He also asked Naruto about the kunai traps and shuriken that had been prepared for him. He remembered the bit where Naruto had told him that the Hokage had asked on behalf of his ANBU for Naruto to stop pranking them, which was allowed for a nice museum of all his better pranks and his access to things most gennin and even some chunin weren't allowed access to, which were also known as seal books. He also said that his old pranks on the ANBU had taken a deadly turn since he had been able to request weapons via the Hokage, and he had a friend whose family owned a weapon shop, although friend could be defined a bit more clearly, but it was pretty obvious that he really couldn't afford it in between bills, his artistry which had helped pay those bills, and food costs and other mundane things that most people would overlook.

Needless to say they remembered that day differently. Kakashi then wondered what the hell was he doing with a fake explosive tag that Naruto had made out, set it back in his pouch, to put up in some hideaway place, and then went back to his apartment to where he would read on Naruto's file some, then tomorrow he would give them the bell test.

He wasn't sure if they would pass or not, but whatever may come, he knew like the sun was gonna come up tomorrow, and Naruto would have the place lined with traps, that it would be interesting tomorrow.

* * *

A/N; It gets more interesting huh? Naruto with the ability to control minds, somewhat. Beware of the mind!!! He trains with Gai, in case you didn't get my earlier hint of him being behind in the academy's physical conditioning, and so he would train early in the morning before anyone else sane would. I think that's how I phrased it anyway. See chapter six. Like end of first story paragraph.

I think that the cannon failed where Mizuki was concerned. Naruto has just been betrayed by someone who took him out for ramen once or twice. Okay? Cannon Naruto equates saint with people buying him ramen. Shouldn't that leave a few mental scars or something?

The Kyuubi might make an entrance in a few chapters for anyone who's missed him. As for the Goddess that Kyuubi was a temporary vassal for, as a way to repay a favor. There's an embarrassing story behind that.

Also, 'Kai' the kappa will explain where he's been recently.

Now then, (1) the reference to that, well I couldn't resist.

(2) Stenographer's notebook- a notebook that is bound at the top, and is about eleven inches long, while about four or five inches in width. It makes good landscape drawing practice with the lined paper as a ruler and such. It also keeps you from having to draw in the sky and such if you angle your picture downwards. If you really can't picture it in your head, go to CVS and actually look through the aisle with all the cards, notebooks and sharpies.

As for the seal and Kyuubi, well, that will be explained maybe in later chapters although you guys could guess...

Naruto-That's like forever with your update speed.

Me-Nah. It just seems like that at times. Strangely enough that scene is typed out, WAY before hand. All 5kbs of it. It's a flashback. Meanwhile this chapter is approaching and slightly over 75kb. Which 30kbs is equal to about six thousand words or so I think.

Naruto-That's a lot, huh?

Me-The equivalent of me actually typing with two hands for maybe five hours straight. But with my dog limiting my hand and not really caring all that much and finding bits of inspiration, about sixteen hours worth, including revision and stuff. 'Nough about that.

Next chapter! Chapter 9; a test of Bells (& balls)

Now the small Omake series involving Itachi...

* * *

**Omake- How Akatsuki recruited Itachi... a.k.a The Importance of Pocky.**

(Using fan fiction facts. Else Itachi wouldn't have his craving for pocky.)

----I have from a reviewer that Itachi's favorite food is pocky and he has a habit of strolling in sweet shops, (Thanks Tom308), and that it is in a data book. I haven't seen it, and until I do or see a scan-lation of it, I'm saying it is in the land of make-believe and dancing toadstools and flying sandwiches---

^^^ I also changed some things around too ;3 ^^^

Itachi had been a missing-nin for about two months now. He had had enough pocky for a while but as his fame spread (and far too quickly for his liking) it became more and more difficult to get pocky. He had to move more often causing him to miss his pocky deliveries. His hair had become sun-bleached approaching a dark rust color.

He hadn't tasted the sweet treat in the last two -or was it three? - days and was going through sugar withdrawals.

It sucked.

He closed his eyes for a split second to resist his pocky craving. When he had opened them he was surrounded by a few guys with orange hair and a piercing fetish, and a blue haired lady with a paper rose in her hair, there was another guy a bit behind them but that was all that were there and they all were fresh, and in a formation to surround him.

He then sensed a few guys further out from his and their positions. They would also be fresh too. There was probably no way to get out of this alive. Even for him, genius that he was. He wasn't even in the age of majority even. The good died young, or so it always seems.

Shit, was what he was in now. Then he caught the scent of pocky.

One orange haired dude went and said, "Uchiha Itachi of Konoha, S-ranked criminal, also known as the Greatest Kin-slayer in all the elemental countries,"

Were they hunter Nins? Oh, fuck. They could kill him, take his eyes, and body. There were several variations on that but still. Scalpels here I come.

"We are here on the behalf of an organization called Akatsuki, made out of S-class criminals-, and we plan to bring peace to the world using the bijuu. We offer you a safe haven. Will you join us? We have pocky."

Itachi really didn't care about the capturing bijuu part or the world peace or the safe haven either. He cared about the pocky.

"Do you have the kind that they-"

"Yes we've got that kind that they stopped importing into Hi no Kuni." The blue haired lady said happily. "After all, pocky is important. Wars and revolutions have been started over it."

"After all this time you still think with your sweet tooth."

"Well, remember that the second war was supposedly started over the fact that some ninja got caught sneaking a pocky recipe from a company, and the rescue attempt on the caught ninja that was taken as an act of war which dragged all the other countries and such into it due to mutual defense pacts and alliances."

"Pocky is that important."

The orange haired man sighed. We now have two pocky maniacs in this organization. Wonderful. I wonder if we can get Kakuzu to up the budget since those two will eat us out of our savings.

"He does not understand the importance of pocky. How do you work with him?"

"He is a god. He does not need to understand mortals. There is the whole god/avatar thing. He's just not the god of pocky. I can wish though."

"We can wish. Strawberry?"

"Sure."

This is how Itachi joined Akatsuki. This is also the reason why Konan and Itachi are not partners. They would head off to the nearest shop that sold pocky and buy it out, and then sit on dead hunter Nin's corpses and happily have a pocky picnic.

It happened once. That's how they know.


	10. Chapter 9

A/N; Chapter nine. We get to see how smart Naruto is, well a little bit. But it's gonna be fun to watch what happens. Also Mizuki's girlfriend, her name is Tsubaki or something like that. Just FYI, -anime fillers and such are a pain.- Also (THE LINE THINGY HATES ME!!!! )

**Chapter 9- A Test Of Bells (And Balls)**

The gennins that made up team 7 arrived at training ground seven, with yawns, grumbles and blurry eyes. Well two of them anyway. The other was there in the pre-dawn light sitting on a rock, sketching in a pad that was balanced on his knee, bright eyed, and his bright blond hair in a ponytail bushy.

"Morning you slowpokes!" He called cheerfully to them. "You're late by twelve minutes or so! Well, you guys are according to my watch at least." He pointed to the watch on his wrist. There wasn't anything special about it other than the fact that the clock face was made to be non-reflective. It was about the only new addition to his usual attire of rather loose -for shinobi- darkish pants, a light colored or sometime pastel shirt that could and sometime did have anything or everything on it, his brown civilian style vest had about six or seven weeks ago been replaced by a different vest that was reversible, and had a choice between dark green and dark brown that he had somehow messed with to go to dark orange. He still had his headphones on and they were still mostly hidden behind his spiky and fluffy blond ponytail. His headband was on his forehead, a few spiky bangs that were falling reluctantly over top of it slightly obscuring his vision on the right side.

They glared at him, which wouldn't be really effective to him, but they did it on autopilot, their brains not functioning so well before dawn and without coffee or food.

A while later, or should I say about an hour of waiting later, Naruto's morning cheerfulness got on their nerves, as Sakura illustrated, "How can you be so damn chipper this damn early?" Her brain still not functioning as well as it should be, or she'd realize she might be blowing her chances getting Sasuke-kun since he was attracted to well-mannered ladies or so all his fan-girls thought.

He was more attracted to strength in reality.

Sasuke knew that Naruto was weird but that just proved it. He knew that Naruto had some weird habits and dreams but getting up before five? Sure he got up early to practice his techniques so he could get his revenge but that crossed the line of weird into masochistic tendencies. He also knew that Naruto was in a good/playful mood. This was bad for anyone who ruined it, like he thought that their sensei would.

He remembered back to when he had first talked to Naruto after losing his herd of fan-girls. He had come back to the academy, obstinately to pick up a kunai he had forgotten about.

(Line thing goes here. 0.o It's just not listening to me...)

Flashback no jutsu

_Sasuke had confronted Naruto outside the front of the academy, just beyond the yard. Maybe two weeks or so into the six month long prank war that him and Kiba were to be having._

_Naruto had put on a sour face, "What do you want?"_

_"I want to know how you know Itachi. My older brother doesn't hang out with losers and idiots." He really didn't hang out with anyone that he knew of but, that was a different story entirely. _

_"Oh, that. I met him when I was like five, for a little bit, like right before I entered the ninja academy." Naruto's expression annoyed him._

_Now that brought up some questions he wanted answered. Like when, where, for how long, and what happened.  
_

_"And did you meet him anywhere else?" He had demanded._

_"Ah, there's the tower, since I hang out there a lot, and where ever I run into him around the village." He answered cheerfully._

_"And?"_

_"There's not much more than that." He stated plainly._

_"How much more?"_

_"Ugh, he got me a couple of things since I was starting the academy."_

_"That's it?" Sasuke questioned. There had to be more to it than that. He started the academy at five? But he failed. There were a lot of layers to be uncovered about him. Like why did he fail? Like why did he wear the headphones? Where did he get the headphones? How old was he if he had entered that young, and he had failed once? Or was it twice? So what was his age? How did the annoying kid manage to hang out in the Hokage tower? Who did he know there? Did he know the Hokage personally? _The questions had just kept popping up in his head. He still didn't know half of the answers.

_"Well, duh there's more. I just don't feel like telling you about it. There's also the fact that I did a couple of landscapes, -commissions- for him, that I think he gave them away as birthday presents or something."_

_That made more questions pop into Sasuke's head. "Landscapes? And Itachi commissioned them?" Damn, Itachi had given a few landscapes or more to the point city-scapes of Konoha to a few members of the clan before __it__ this time, those few years... and still not any closer.  
_

_"No one ever believes me when I tell them I'm an awesome artist." He moaned. Then he cheered up, a bit forcefully now that Sasuke thought about it. "I guess I have to show you then." With that the weird new kid reached into his bag since he didn't have his seemingly ever-present vest today, pulling out a long notebook, but only a few inches wide and flipped through a few pages covered in some quick doodles._

_He stopped on a page that showed the village, at sunset, from a high vantage point, like the Hokage tower or something. The shadows were still penciled in, and some eraser marks marred the page but all in all, most artists would wish to get that good._

_"I really don't believe you. Show me that you can draw."_

_"Well, then I'll have to get to a nice spot to draw from." So Naruto led Sasuke away to a spot by the river, and then climbed up into a tree. He took out a pencil, got to a new page and quickly sketched the bridge, with the reflection present on the water. _

_After about five minutes of quickly sketching it, he hopped out of the tree, and presented it to Sasuke. Who judged it good, but then wanted him to draw him._

_"I don't do portraits."_

_"But you do doodles of people. Don't you?" He had seen the blonds' notebook in class and when he had flipped through it. If you could decipher his notebook, well, you must have had a magnify glass to where you can tell the difference between notes and doodles. They overlapped that much._

_"Caricatures. As in the way you exaggerate some features and all. Like say someone has a huge nose, I go and make it like five times bigger."_

_"But didn't you make any landscapes with the monument in it?" Sasuke had asked not really trusting his memory of what Itachi had given away in the past. Before __it__ happened._

_"Ah, yeah that's true. But that took me forever to get right. People are really difficult to do. You have to get their features so-so. You have to get their eyes a certain way, their hair right, showing all the thickness or thinness or waviness of their hair. You have to get its sheen, or a certain quirk of their mouth done. Maybe even clan markings. You have to capture a certain killer grace of the ninja, or the awkward shuffle of some people. You have to capture the mood or atmosphere. Then you add in the muscle tone and bone structure, the ripples of the clothes, the shading of parts. You also have to add in the miscellaneous shadows that get cast by whatever and other details. Like is this person holding something? Or is this getting portrayed right? People are difficult. Then you add in the surroundings or do them before hand, but that's preference."_

_"But you can do it, right?"_

_"It's not my strength when it comes to drawing. But it can be done, given time." Naruto said._

_Then Sasuke turned and was about to leave, dismissing Naruto as an artistically talented individual but useless for anything else when Naruto spoke up again. "You came back and were waiting for me right? And you left in the first place to escape the fan girls right? Well what would you say if I said that I can get rid of some of them?"_

_"How would you do that you dobe?" They couldn't take a hint at all, even when it was right in front of their faces._

_"I change my prank target from around Kiba, to around you, trying not to get you. Once the girls learn that they'll get pranked for coming near you the non-fanatic fan-girls will back off."_

_"So, you'll warn me when you do something?"_

_"Yep teme. We keep this hidden, because I'm considered a bad influence in the village while you're like the I dunno, the saint of it. I'll also warn you of some of the major pranks I have planned out, if you'll help me get the supplies for some of them. That way you can get some amusement from it. I can't vouch for Kiba, but if you don't totally diss him, he might not get you once I get him to agree that humiliating each other is not the way to go, and some other stuff."_

_"Why should I dobe?"_

_"Because, I've made a teacher quit from there. What they don't tell you is that he committed suicide and they covered it up." That made some more question rise up from the bottom lurching bottom of Sasuke's imagination. Like how did the guy die? Was it just a set up? Was the blond lying? He knew that the blond was a skilled liar, but that was pushing it some._

_"I've also got some of the active ninja before, in the tower even. So you don't think I can get rid of some fan-girls?"_

_"Okay, dobe. But you better be able to. I want to see a decent decrease in their number in a month." Even if what he had just said had to be false. It couldn't be true could it? What academy student can sneak into the Hokage tower and prank the ninja there?_

_"All but the really fanatic fan-girls I can't really do anything about them. They'll just say it's trials of true love of some shit like that. In return I want access to the scrolls you can get from the teachers who say that it's too dangerous for most students who aren't as advanced. Test scores show shit. So deal?"_

_"It's a Deal."_

_That started a profitable friendship. On both side of the deal._

_(Is there supposed to be a line here? ^^" )  
_

Flashback no jutsu kai.

This led to today. One of his fanatic fan-girls was trying to ream a new one into Naruto verbally. This wouldn't work in the slightest. They guy was a puzzle beyond his comprehension. He was in a good mood, and he wouldn't let anything get in to ruin it. Well not yet anyway. Why he ever let anyone ruin it in the first place was beyond him.

If you had happiness you should keep it. Because laughter was for free people and he wouldn't be free until he died.

"Uh, well it might be because I usually get up earlier than this, and work out. Then I would get breakfast, do something else for a bit, then my homework for the academy if I felt like it, then get to the academy to set up my pranks, leave, study some other stuff, get my brunch, go back to the academy, after I've done some other stuff."

"Whatever, I don't believe that for a bit. If you studied, wouldn't your grades in class show it?"

"What perfect idealistic world do you live in? Because **I **want to go there. OR should I ask what chemicals you're on since it makes you look through some pretty thick rose-colored glasses. What question to ask?" Naruto mused aloud.

Sasuke looked at Naruto. Sakura was going to punch him, but Naruto was as good as you were to him. If you were horrible to him, he would be twice as horrible to you. Naruto had a bone-fide silver-tongue. He could lie so easily, and quickly it was scary. He could probably con the entire ninja force without them knowing it.

If only Sasuke knew how right he was on occasion.

What made Naruto a genius in his own right, was the fact that he could spread that talent to other things as well, hence his incredible ability to improvise. Turning his disadvantages into advantages, and his opponent's advantages into weaknesses that he would exploit fully. And exploit he did, Sasuke's ego was _still_ trying to fix itself from the last time they sparred, when he had goaded Naruto into fully unleashing his restraint, which was about two months ago.

He could also be an actor just as easily. Nothing gave him away when he didn't want it to. His charisma fully enveloped any area in seeing or hearing distance. It was impossible not to believe him even if you knew that for a fact that whatever he was false.

Naruto was a very good bull-shitter. First class even. Con men and sales people had nothing on him.

Now he knew first hand why Itachi had said what he said. Naruto, the real Naruto was completely unknown to the outside world. The side presented to the outside world was just a front. How much was it a front? Well he didn't know, and Naruto probably wouldn't ever tell him. Naruto trusted him, just not that much. Paranoid dick.

Sakura moved to punch him, but Naruto ducked under it, so it skimmed his reversible vest, and pushed it away, while he spun behind her, and pushed her legs out from under her and pushed her to the ground. Hard, judging by the thud and small dust cloud.

"A ninja's lifeblood is deception. Isn't that what Iruka-sensei always preached?" He questioned her but didn't give her time to answer. "A good ninja, should always keep some secrets. An excellent ninja should always have many. Weather they do or not, it depends on who they're friends with, who are their teammates, and the level of trust they have between them.

"A good example would be this; you'll trust Sasuke implicitly. He'll trust you to be a burden, and useless, since that's what you really are. Me, I might have graduated dead-last, in the rankings, but that's because I trust very few people, and the fact that my attendance record is the worst they've ever seen. Iruka-sensei knows I could have graduated _last_ year. You won't trust me at all, because of how you 'think' you know me. Like you don't know that I'm not twelve or when my birthday is.

"Me and Sasuke, there is a small bit of teamwork between us, because there's a bit of trust between us, enough to where Sasuke knows that given some preparation time, I could kill you both and our jonin sensei, and hide all the evidence beyond finding, and respects He also knows that I held back _greatly_ during the academy, so you should throw all those childish notions and ideas that you've held onto about me and everything else.

"When you wear that," He pointed to her forehead protector, "You become an adult. A representative of Konoha. You wear Konoha's future, pride and honor when you wear that. However you should remember that Konoha is a ninja village and thus, you should start to act like a ninja. Good ninjas keep some secrets. Dead ninjas, or ninjas that were too useless and weak to protect themselves, keep none. Because of the interrogator's work, or the morgue's. So grow up and act like a ninja, would ya?" He ended on a long-suffering sigh with his hands in his vest pockets.

Sakura, got up, too dazed by his speech, to dust off her dress, or to reply. Her brain started to process some things, came up with a few things, discarded them as outdated and irrelevant, and went and processed the new info again. This left her, in deep thought.

Naruto wandered over to where Sasuke was, since he had a great angle of the pink haired chick. The lighting was about as perfect as it was gonna get.

Sasuke muttered, "Harsh much?"

"She needed a huge reality check. I just got reality to slap her in the face. That's all. But here I thought that yesterday would have cleared that up, or at least made her discard some kiddy ideas that she had about being a ninja. No wonder why most female shinobi have such a bad reputation. People like that have nothing of growth for their selves. They just cling like ivy, to some one, sucking away their strength and making it slowly their own, or they become someone's weakness, or something like that. I dunno, not a poet."

"I think you made reality bitch slap her, you idiot." '_Could have fooled me.'_

"So, her bruise will heal eventually. You bastard." Naruto was doing a quick sketch of Sakura, as she sat there dazed. It would probably be the best picture of Sakura since it had her laid bare, with no defenses shielding her from the outside world.

"Hn." Sasuke said. "If that cures her of her fangirlism, I'm going to have to tell Iruka-sensei, and have him do that lecture, to prevent fangirlism from ever erupting in our shinobi ranks ever again."

"Keh, I'll do guest lectures at the academy in a few years, like when I get jonin rank or something like that."

"Whatever floats your boat, dobe. I'm going to go over there before she notices we're speaking about her." Sasuke walked off.

Sakura sat dazed and in deep thought for the better part of the next hour, in which she was re-evaluating herself, in the harsh morning sunlight, instead of the soft fluorescent lights of the academy. She came up short in just about everything except book smarts. That was her only real strength, well and maybe genjutsu once she started to work on it, which she decided to do as soon as possible. She knew about tactics but she might as well have known shit since she sucked at implementing them, and picking up them when her foe(s) used them. Her stamina sucked, she was pretty much out of breath after performing a few super basic jutsus, she only knew the basics of well, just about everything. As Naruto had said, she would be pretty useless in just about every situation they would encounter as mature shinobi later on.

Thus, when she went over to Naruto, with a clear head and new determination burning in her eyes, she didn't walk she strode over in the angry woman's walk, as in every angry woman had that walk. Instinctively. Thus when she strode over, Naruto could tell there was a lot of anger at her own

This would be good, if it wasn't for the fact that the anger would eventually burn out, and she'd mellow and allow her skills to lapse again. He'd have to find a way to get her serious and determined for longer stretches than a few weeks.

"Sorry to judge you so harshly Naruto. I really shouldn't have done so, without doing it to myself. Hinata would probably be a better shinobi than me, but I just beat her out in scores on the tests, while she got me on taijutsu. Ino had better accuracy on weapons, and-"

"Now, now. Don't worry so damn much. There's still time to improve. You'll just have to work at it, and not just with us. Train some on your own. Study up on genjutsu some, I think Hinata's sensei is a specialist in that area. Study up on some medical stuff; make your hits worth more by hitting in vulnerable areas. Work with a wider array of weapons and become more proficient with them. I'll introduce you to someone if need be for that. If your enemy works with only senbon needles and you're out of kunai and shuriken, use your enemy's needles against them. Now we just need to wait for sensei, it's seven and if we're to judge by his usual tardiness, we've got another hour to go. So now I'll set up some traps. Pay super close attention to where I'm setting them up okay? I don't want to hit my teammates."

Sakura and Sasuke watched studiously as Naruto quickly and efficiently set up his traps, and then with worried eyes as he tested them out for effectiveness. He had about six set up in doubles, (twelve in all), as in you triggered one and it triggered another one -provided you herded your target correctly-, which meant he had to set up his pray into the mouth of the trap. Some were hidden under ground, and shot knives up, and what made those deadly was the fact that after they were triggered the first time, they reset themselves. That was Naruto's own invention.

Some he had set up with sticks and stones, spending some chakra to henge them into weapons. Sakura frowned at the unconventional use of henge, but quickly noted it and wondered how else to apply it and getting how to do it out of Naruto since it looked like it took more chakra than the usual henge. That and it wasn't an illusion as she had cut her finger on a 'rock.'

Some traps were hair-triggered. As in, really, really easy to set off and those were designed to get their sensei. Those went into the 'STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS' category of Sakura's and Sasuke's minds. They were the level of 'cripple' sensei. As Naruto had pointed out.

Just seeing Naruto test those for effectiveness was _almost _guaranteed to take off a year or three years off your life. However it was also just amazing to see Naruto's display of agility, and unorthodox methods of getting out of traps, which _was_ guaranteed to give people some gray hair before they hit puberty.

Then he did some standard traps that stood out somewhat. You'd notice them about five feet away, but were just there as dummies that they could change later. When their sensei got here and they started on their real gennin test.

If it was a test of patience then they had totally flunked, by if it was in preparedness then they had passed with flying colors.

But it was in survival, or so their sensei had said, than preparedness was better than patience, you can only be patient once you're prepared. The spider doesn't wait until the fly is in sight to weave its web now does it?

By now three hours and some odd minutes had passed since five, and they were starting to get hungry. Naruto's stomach protested first, and from his vest filled with all sorts of goodies, he pulled out a cereal bar, and he ate it. Munching on it happily, he drew stares of envy from the other two who were awake and fully functioning if hungry.

He produced a candy bar from somewhere, another cereal bar from his shuriken pouch, and the third and fourth cereal bar from his kunai pouch. He gave the hungry pair a cereal bar each, and then ate the third cereal bar, after secreting his candy bar and last cereal bar about his person.

They then proceeded to wait anew, their stomachs now silenced for a while. Another hour passed, making it nine. Naruto's 'twitch' came and passed with him hiding it successfully from his teammates. He was glad it was going on a quick slide down the pain scale. It was still a pain literally.

Naruto, started to stretch, and afterward to do some flips, handstands, twists, and other acrobatics that needed great dexterity, strength, agility and practice. Then after finishing his routine twenty minutes later, he flopped to the ground, muttering 'bored' in repetitions.

At nine forty-five-ish he felt his skeleton key twitch. Someone had just gone into his apartment. The poor sucker. The key did a few low pulses of chakra, which meant someone with a 'key' had gone in. There were only a few people who had keys. One was now a nuke-nin, another was on his current mission, one was teaching, and that left the last one. The Hokage. He rolled to his feet, looked at his teammates, with a 'sensei is a dead man' glare.

"Damn it, those cereal bars aren't gonna' hold me over." Naruto complained after waiting, -read pacing a path on the ground- ten minutes or so after abruptly getting up. "Sasuke, Sakura, I'm going to my place, and fixing myself brunch. Anything in particular you want while I'm out and about?"

"But won't sensei-"

"I want to see what my brother likes about pocky so much. Before the, **he** had a cabinet in his room that he guarded like a dragon its treasure. Fire included." It is how he learned the few Katons he knew. His clan really didn't teach him much in those years it was around.

"Damn, you and your brother both. Last chance, Sakura."

"Um, well maybe some granola and yogurt." Sakura was still adjusting to reality and the fact that Sasuke was being semi-sociable.

Naruto raised a single eyebrow in a questioning manner. His eyebrow said, 'you're not fucking serious are you? I'm disappointed in you.'

"And something with chocolate too." Sakura added.

"Got it." Naruto said, leaving the place quickly disappearing into the foliage.

(LINE THING HATES ME )

**Naruto's Apartment Building... (About five minutes before Naruto left training ground seven...)**

The pair of intruders in Naruto's building just realized that they were screwed. How badly screwed was yet to be seen.

They had some cuts and bruises on them from some of the traps that were set up around the building. They had just realized that on this floor it was guarded by genjutsu.

"I thought you said he sucked at genjutsu."

"I did. However Naruto did the impossible, -again- and made written seals do genjutsu. I wonder how he did it."

"What do you mean about again?"

"You know how you just disrupted that genjutsu? Well when you did, the walls absorbed the chakra pulse you gave off, so when we trigger the next one, it'll be stronger."

"I thought that your key would give us a free pass."

"I told you that I hadn't finished studying the seals on it. And that it was a controlled risk."

"Well, what now?"

"Well, I could go on and leave you here, but you were the one who wanted to examine his place. So why did I let my subordinate talk me into this?"

"I made a convincing argument, sir. So what do we do now Hokage-sama?"

"Well, other than get Naruto to redo the security at the tower, we wait, if you still want to get to his apartment, or we try to leave."

"Try would be a good word. I haven't been that close to dying by traps since I trained at training ground thirteen, and yesterday, because Naruto was fending off boredom with traps in the academy hallway."

"Well, good reason for that. Training ground thirteen has been that way since Naruto had first rigged it when he was eight. All the ANBU squads did was made it more deadly."

"Sir?" Maybe he really should have read that file, and not his Icha Icha.

"That's true, unbelievable as it is. After leading a squad through there, since he had vandalized the ANBU headquarters, for the third time that month, and they reported it in, was when the ANBU swallowed their pride and asked him for a deal."

"Thus the Naruto Museum." Kakashi surmised.

"This is kind of sad huh? The Hokage and one of his top jonins, being stuck in a house rigged by a kid not even twelve yet." The Hokage said, voice filled with irony.

"What really sucks is the fact that we're on the third floor out of five." Kakashi said dismayed. Then he pointed out this, "You know he could probably earn more money in security design than as a ninja. Or probably as an artist if you were to guess by some of the murals on the wall because they are really good but I really couldn't look at them decently, dodging and evading and whatnot to get up here."

They then passed the time by talking things not related to their job. And relaxing their guards slightly.

Thus when Naruto appeared out of thin air in front of them, about five minutes after they had decided to stop, surprised was an understatement.

"Damn, I own Dude-san a ton pocky. He bet that I could stop a Kage in here, and possibly ANBU in here, and I did. That's a lot of pocky that I owe him now. Wherever he is."

"Naruto, aren't you supposed to be in training ground seven?" Kakashi asked.

"Weren't you supposed to be there hours ago? Did you get lost or something sensei?" He replied.

"Well, I've kind of got caught by your building." Kakashi replied. Naruto glared at him. Kakashi knew that Naruto knew when they had entered into here. "I was also checking out the rest of your teammate's houses, and was entranced by the hospitality."

"Fine ya liar. I'll let you out of here." Naruto said. He added a statement that added a new phobia to the pair of intruders. It was a phobia of blonds with whiskers that are in a bad mood.

"At least you guys were sensible enough to not go up any higher, even in a genjutsu; you are on the top floor. Any higher you'd get on top of the roof, then the top of the water tower, and then you'd jump off the building, and go splat."

That was scary. That they were that close to going splat as Naruto affectionately called hadn't even realized that they were on the fifth floor.

"So we're on the top floor, how?"

"Sensory distortion genjutsu that gets placed on everyone once they enter. Actually about a few foot in front of the door even if you've got a key. Then the sensory seals pick up various things, like chakra level, heartbeat, what weapons you've got on and some other stuff. Which depending on other things would decide weather or not you kept the genjutsu on or not." Naruto explained as he opened his door.

"Your heartbeat was faster than usual so even though you were unthreatened and still had possession of your key, Hokage-jiji, so it included you as a fail-safe. Deadly yet effective no?"

"But how do you know that we were here?" Kakashi asked, astonished at the blond's skill with seals.

"Sensory seals, sensei. You can rig them in a couple of ways to where they'll do what you want. Pretty easy in reality, hard in theory."

Thus Naruto opened the door to his apartment.

The first impression of Naruto's apartment was it was a bit messy, with books, and scrolls scattered on just about every available surface, counter tops, furniture, table, desk, bookshef ledges, even the fridge wasn't spared. Of course that meant after the two older ninjas took a few steps in after scouting the room with their eyes, the air currents made by their passing knocked some off the couch that sat right behind the door along the way.

Well in the first little area since his door opened to his living room, or whatever it was. There were a couple of posters or some strange things set up in his living room. Like the muscular and skeletal structure of people. The diagram of the Human chakra circulatory system and an artful rendition of the Hokage monument painted on the wall behind the posters.

You could see the kitchen, which was partitioned off from the living room, by a counter top that functioned as a bar. His fridge had some veggies and other fridge stuff and fruits were out in a bowl on the counter. From what they could see from when he opened it, to rummage around in it for a bite.

Naruto, rummaged through his cabinets, getting some more cereal bars and a few chocolate candy bars. Then taking a pink sticky note off the counter, writing on it 'Sasuke' and leaving it under the other note on that cabinet that said, 'Dude-san's secret pocky supply. Touch it and die.' Naruto pulled out a few boxes of strawberry and chocolate pocky and sat them on the counter next to the other things he had got out.

Kakashi and 'Old man' Sarutobi didn't see what happened next because they were busy poking around the place.

Then he moved over to the next cabinet, and pulled out some ramen noodles, abandoning the seasoning packets for the moment. And then he made some ramen for him only. After getting the noodles done, he pulled out a frying pan, and put some oil on it. Moving his strained noodles to the back burner, then he pulled out some various veggies and chopped them on his chopping block, making a noodle stir-fry big enough for three people seasoned with beef flavoring, before getting a single platter and started to eat it quickly.

Meanwhile Kakashi had been poking around in Naruto's spare room, his actual room just holding a bed, a dresser, his weapons, canvas, brushes, a few books, a lamp and paints, since it was a two bedroom apartment, -even if he did own the building- surprised by the fact that he had so many medical texts. What was most surprising was the fact that he had some writings by all the sannins.

Tsunade's thesis on several medical procedures and how they could be made safer and better, Jiraiya's on seals, and some of Orochimaru's notes that no one could make sense of, but he had probably just kept it because of the doodles of Jiraiya getting eaten by a snake, or of Tsunade punching him into a grave.

What was more surprising was the fact that Naruto was generating a few leads on the notes of Orochimaru. This was leading Naruto to generate what the title sheet of the small stack of papers said, was the Bloodline Research.

That was a dizzy read, despite its shortness. It also insulted several people and clans. After all, the pre-writing notes had said that bloodlines could be classified mostly as three things, Doujutsus, Body, or Affiliations. It listed that to mix Byuakugan and Sharingan was doomed to fail, and listed a few examples. It then put on that Body bloodlines would affect the body or body structure or the user listing the Kaguyas as an example and the Akimichis too. Then there were the Affiliations, which listed as examples the Aburame, Inuzuka, (with question marks at the end of the names) Nara, and Yamanaka clans. It also listed under that category those with elemental bloodlines. Those listed the sand users of Suna which were sort of hard to get data on, the ice users of Mizu, and the Shodai.

However it then listed something that sparked Kakashi's surprise more than anything. It listed a family tree of the Senju clan, more than several generations before the founding of Konoha. Looking that over, Kakashi had to agree with Naruto's assessment. The bloodline of the first had hit a collective dead end with him. Naruto had figured that the chance of guys passing on the bloodline was effectively nil. The bloodline was passed on via females. He then injected the theory that even if the females born of the male line, with no other clan influence could be carriers and the bloodline would manifest itself a few generations out, possibly. Reading the drafts further Kakashi got another shock to his system.

It then said that since the Hokage's sister had married into the Hyuuga clan, to get them to join Konoha, that the Hyuugas could possibly wield it. (He really didn't know that the Shodai and Nidaime had a sister.) This would be known because they would probably have the sister of the first Hokage's eyes. This was reported to be disturbing somewhat. This might mean that she had a variant of the Mokuton or was a carrier of it. But he didn't have the record to finish that since all this was based on the records that one could access publicly.

That would make that Hyuuga very dangerous, provided that the line wasn't extinguished via caged bird seal overuse, -which made Kakashi wonder how Naruto knew of that since it wasn't mentioned in the academy and most Hyuuga's hid it very effectively when they were out and about-, or died out in some other way. It then insulted the fact that the Hyuuga clan was strictly Jyuuken, and hated elemental training of any sort.

It also insulted Orochimaru since he sucked at the legwork involved, because the Hokage's sister had already married into the clan before the founding and some other stuff that protected her from ever being found out. Like the hints left in the Senju clan's private records, (that were left in the basement of the Hokage tower as the notes said) alluded to.

Well, that's what the pre-writing and stuff said in quick jotted down notes, and he had looked up the documents that had the Senju line on it, which were the copies he had in this report. The original documents still being in the tower basement.

So when he had smelled food drifting in, he broke from his very interesting reading and headed into Naruto's kitchen.

The Hokage had spent most of his time looking at the chart of the human chakra circulatory system that had its tenketsu drawn in little red dots. The picture on lined paper that was tacked up next to it showed an abnormal system, with tenketsu circled lightly and shown in purple for everyone not normal, and red for where it was.

The paper had a few things wrote on it that didn't make any sense to his old head, which had obviously been suggested, like turtle, but as they were slashed through it was obvious it didn't work. He then nosed in the scrolls that Naruto had in any inch of area off the floor, which had some spare sheets of doodles and a notebook that was most likely full of doodles on it, and then some that had fallen onto the floor. Most contained elemental jutsu, and then he noticed a certain book under a small scroll that was unrolled.

The small scroll had been pretty much on how to imbue a weapon with elemental chakra, and how to make the chakra conductive steel. Basically a scroll on the seal array. The book under it was a book from his office.

Thus armed with evidence, he went back to Naruto's kitchen.

"Naruto what is with-?"

"Naruto why do you have-"

The two senior ninja looked at each other and then at Naruto's plate.

"You guys are not getting my stir-fry. What were you thinking sensei? Leaving a guy who needs to eat at least five-thousand calories a day, or else lose weight with no breakfast and at the rate you were going, no lunch either. But you didn't ban brunch or snacks so again, no."

The two ninja started to say something at the same time again, but Kakashi let his superior go first.

"Naruto, why do you have my book on the elemental cycle and training?"

"Because I took it when I was like five, from your office, while you were in there with another ninja. Same with the sealing book, which is floating somewhere around here. After all you let me keep that one. You know the one that the Shodai published but wasn't sold in stores because the title was offensive, or something like that, I think it's on the second floor or the third. It's got your notes, Jiraiya's and the Yondaime's notes in it. I'll give it back once I find it. If you still want it. Where ever it may be. The basement, or second floor it most probably." He then started to dig in with gusto to his brunch.

Then it was Kakashi's turn. "That manuscript that you have back there, that's your work? And how did you get the writings of the sannin? Much less why all the medical texts?"

"Ah, yeah. It is. I really need to finish that, it's currently abandoned due to lack of information, but the records to continue that for would be a bitch and a half to get. The sannin records, well Jiraiya's was stuffed in an box in the library's basement, Orochimaru's notes were a few boxes over, which had some doodles that I didn't do, which despite the fact the notes didn't really make any sense, and all which led to a question that was on my mind, to a very boring academy lecture which led to the making of the manuscript and lots of hours digging through records. Tsunade's notes were actually in her file. That I found when I was still looking for the Senju family tree, which I found in the Tower's basement."

"What Manuscript?" The Hokage asked.

"Anyways the medical stuff is because even if I heal really fast there's no guarantee that it healed right, and thus I've been studying when I can. But the manuscript..."

Kakashi let Naruto answer in between bites. "The possibility on weather or not it is possible to have multiple bloodlines, what category the bloodlines would have to be in to possibly work out, how it's passed on and the probability that we could have a user of the Shodai's bloodline in the Hyuuga clan, provided I ever get the records needed for that possibility, and if the Hyuuga's didn't like erase their names from the records, 'cause you how some clans are. The pricks." Naruto then started to finish his plate off.

The Hokage nodded his understanding of that but, "How could the Hyuuga's have the Mokuton?"

"Well, the Senju family records show that the Shodai's "cute" little sister, also known as the Nidaime's "evil" older sister, if you were to judge by the journals the guys left, -they were their little black books in a sense-, which are also in the basement, married into the clan before they even founded Konoha. Way before the Shodai was chosen to be the first Hokage. Sort of cementing good relationships between the families. I then sort of insult Orochimaru in it, saying that Orochimaru can't do decent background or legwork at all and is playing around in stuff that he shows a less understanding off than an eight year old provided the eight year old had decent information. But, I repeat I don't have the info for the completion of it. I also insult the Hyuuga since they could be sitting on elemental bloodline treasure trove but just stay strictly gentle fist." After Naruto finished saying that, he got the last three bites in, and put his plate in the sink.

Then Naruto remembered something, shocking the two adults out of their stupor. "Oh, Kakashi-sensei, you still need a key don't you? And my teammates probably do as well. They wouldn't survive if they had to come get me." He opened one of the bottom cabinets, below Dude-san's pocky cabinet showing that it was rotatable cabinet after unlocking a lock with his own solid black key, which was a bit bigger than the rest and showed the fact that he had about sixteen keys of varying levels.

There was one spare skeleton, with a small note next to it saying, 'Do not ever lose original key, on the pain of death. How else are you suppose to get this?!' The message in bold and underlined several times with five exclamation marks.

There was three boss or master keys, with a small note saying, 'Most anywhere, into most everywhere, but try to stay away from my cashes.' It had a sketch of pocky box next to it.

Then there was the nine limited masters its note saying, 'Anytime here, but not everywhere.'

The two thief keys had a note saying, 'This opens things it's not supposed to. Be warned. Some things you don't want to know.' Don't and want and to know was underlined and in bold.

The final key's note said, 'It's just a key to my door damn it! Were you expecting something special?'

With that Naruto grabbed three of the limited master keys and handed them to Kakashi. Then he locked the key cabinet back up and pulled out the drawer above it, and took out the false bottom. In it, you now had several sheets of paper that said 'Guest Passes'. He handed three of them to the Hokage.

The Hokage took them mutely, still kind of shocked at some of the keys' description. After a moment had passed, the old monkey finally asked "Who's Dude-san?"

"One of the guys that you sent to get me before I went to the academy old man. Back when I was still living in the orphanage." Naruto then fixed the drawer back in place, and twirled around. He was cutting it close. "Well, thanks for visiting old man, but next time inform me alright? Now then if you want to take the partially done manuscript you can, but have a good cover story in place alright? Anyone could have done it, motivated enough with some lucky finds and being able to get into records not break in like I did."

That made Sarutobi decides to update the security at the Tower even more, to break into the records at such an age? He was going to do a massive security overhaul now. He had done a slight tweaking after the forbidden scroll, but now it would be massive.

"Oh, and Kakashi-sensei, if you're wondering, my taijutsu is not as good as I'd like, my ninjutsu is pretty pathetic compared to both of your arsenals that you have to call from and my chakra control still sucks, even with exercises that I've been doing for years now."

He wasn't about to get into kinjutsus, other taijutsu styles that he knew, or the fact that he could make medic nin green with envy.

"The genjutsus around and in this building have so damn many control seals on it, that for every genjutsu seal, with it's chakra battery to make use of it, has to almost bleed off about half of the amount that would be sent, because of a couple of things that I could revise, I just don't have the time to do so, you know? Then again, if I do revise it, there is a chance that I'll blow half the block up, so you see why no?" Even if half the block was part of the red lantern district that most people wouldn't worry about.

"Remember to lock the door after you, and show up sometime before eleven sensei or I'll go and change the traps from we can use these, if we have to, to we use these to our advantage, and our sensei winds up dead. Got that?" Naruto then gave a huge 'cat got the canary and doesn't care about the feathers' grin, and left through the door.

"Where is that manuscript now Kakashi?" The Hokage asked his jonin, and the jonin led him to it, his eyes on the clock carefully. He had thirty minutes before Naruto started to re-rig his traps. Guessing that Naruto could do that in less than a minute, after seeing his proficiency here -which frankly scared him almost as bad as if his Icha Icha was gone-, he only had about twenty five minutes left if he wanted to get there on time.

(Line thing hates me...)

**Training Ground 7 (about forty-five minutes after Naruto left...)**

"When is my food gonna get here?" Sakura moaned. "I shouldn't have ordered something so damn light. I'm gonna starve before he gets back."

"He just about lives on the other side of Konoha, Sakura. Be patient. A good shinobi should always have patience." Sasuke said to her. Now since she had been shocked out of her fangirlism by Naruto she was at least being real if shallow as all get out.

"A good shinobi should always be prepared too, ya know?" Naruto said from behind Sasuke.

Sasuke instinctively turned to kick Naruto in the side, only to have Naruto jump back out of his reach.

"A good shinobi should also always be on guard too. Now catch." With that Naruto tossed Sasuke two boxes of pocky. He then tossed Sakura her cereal bars and chocolate. "I didn't have granola and didn't feel like shopping for some." Was his only explanation.

Naruto then wheeled on Sasuke, "You," He said serious. "You better not become a pocky addict. Your older brother would commit murder for enough pocky."

Let's leave off the fact that he had. Not just murder but a massacre.

Message delivered, he lay out on the ground and waited. Ten minutes later Sakura had already ate everything like a pig, while Sasuke was still in pocky heaven and would be until his second box was gone which would be in a few minutes.

Then he would be in a decent, social-able mood until his sugar high was gone. This was why Naruto would avoid him in a few hours. Naruto had already figured that out by hanging with Itachi. If his brother was anything like him, then yeah, he'd get very evil. Probably worse than Orochimaru seeing how Orochimaru was the pedophilic evil and Itachi was the highly organized psychopath that is in the cell with you for mass murder. Yeah that's how the fight between them would go. Itachi was higher up on the food chain.

"Yo, guys, when you're done pick up your trash, and carry it with you alright? And afterward act like you're starved okay? I think our sensei is evil that way. But I'll show him that I'm eviler than him."

"Naruto that's not a word." Sakura said leaning against a tree. Already compiling with Naruto even if she didn't know what he was planning.

"It is now." Naruto said grinning from his position in the ground. He then started counting the minutes down. Their sensei had about fifteen minutes left. After five minutes of lying down, he got bored, brought out his notebook and made a small trap of his own devise for their sensei, using what little ninjutsu he knew and could do. Those elemental ninjutsus were horrendously difficult to get a hold of, they were better protected than the tower at any rate and he just hadn't felt like going through all the trouble, it wasn't as fun as in sneaking up and say pranking the ANBU. He had the training he just had nothing to do use the training with other than the Katon's Grand Fireball. And a few low level jutsu that he knew.

Kakashi showed up thirty seconds before Naruto set his traps on doomsday for sensei mode. All he had to do was channel chakra into his notebook and the seals on the traps would do the rest. It only took ten seconds.

Kakashi arrived seeing Sakura propping herself up on a nearby tree, Sasuke was doing the same thing just more arrogantly, while Naruto was sitting on a remarkably nearby rock doodling in his notebook.

Or so Kakashi thought. He didn't know that Naruto had spent the past week combining different techniques, and seeing their uses and working with them. Naruto's 'notebook' at the moment was one sheet paper, covered in a henge, and since Kage Bushins were pure chakra constructs, they could be better used than himself in transformations. Afterward it was partially covered Drayad-style to hide the mass of chakra that was his 'notebook.'

Kakashi then set out a clock and explained the rules. Naruto sitting there like it didn't matter, just said, "You've got some pretty weird hair sensei." His little doodle of him showed it too.

As Kakashi looked at the notebook for a second, Naruto formed a seal and called out, "Kage Bushin no Jutsu." Forming five clones, well what Kakashi saw anyway. He really need to name that.

They, the five proceeded to get 'poofed' out of existence as Kakashi got behind Naruto and did the thousand years of pain, which sent Naruto into the river with a satisfying splash.

"Lesson 1; Taijutsu." He then went off in search of other two gennin.

Naruto crawled out of the river, dripping wet, at least anything that could be harmed by being wet was sealed safely away, and he consoled himself. It wouldn't do any good to kill his sensei would it? Even if his plan was working. His invisible clones had signaled that their job was complete.

He had one come up from the notebook, and replace the bells with henged clones, keeping the bells invisible while doing so. All in all, way too damn easy.

Naruto then went to the tree that he and Kakashi had 'fought' under. He then noticed a bell, figured 'why not?' and started reaching for it. He then got trapped in a rope trap. Well one of him.

He then heard a lot of flying projectiles, some dodging and reflecting of weapons, a cripple sensei trap, a tag go off, then a scream from Sakura with Kakashi murmurs. Then a little while later he heard the weapons again, recognizing his double trap, the sound of flesh against flesh and then the noise that accompanies a fire technique. He then heard Sasuke's cursing since he had to have been stuck in a doton technique, or so the earth told him. He really had to thank the Dryads the next time he saw/found them/him.

Kakashi then came back for him, who was still hanging from the rope. Kakashi looking a little frazzled, frustrated and angry at his student currently stung up. A bit of his hair was missing, part of his left sleeve was burned and his skin under it was raw and bleeding, and he had a few scratches and nicks from some of Naruto's traps. His vest had several kunai in it as well.

Kakashi then picked up the bell, saying "Don't fall for a thing that must be a trap so clearly." He then tied the bell up on his vest.

Naruto grinned. "Same to you sensei." Naruto vanished in a puff of smoke, while the 'bell' turned into Naruto and Narutos appeared all around him. This meant that Naruto had got a bell. Kakashi wondered how the hell that happened. Much less how he had managed to trick hm.

Kakashi then heard the sound of bells from twenty feet away. All the other Narutos vanished.

"Gotcha sensei." Naruto said. "Now I have to go save my teammates, so are you going to help or not sensei?"

After rousing Sakura and Kakashi doing a quick Doton to get Sasuke out of the ground Team 7 was found sitting around the training logs.

"Now then," Kakashi said cheerfully even with his injuries which he had patched up mostly, "Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, decide who will get tied up or not. But it's Naruto's final decision on who gets on the log since he got the bells."

After a quick hurried discussion, between the two who failed to get the bells, after the initial protests which included 'not fairs' and 'you barely even tried' which quickly got on his nerves because of the fact that it consisted of 'You' and "I got close to the bells' and 'So did I!' and 'You!' Naruto said, "Yeash, to shut you two up, I'll get on the log."

The pair who then got into a verbal match since Sasuke didn't mind at all except for the fact that he wanted Sakura -the dead-weight who only led Kakashi away and got caught by a simple genjutsu- tied up, while Sakura then wanted Sasuke strung up for being an ass with Naruto, who they really didn't realize was tuning them out without much effort.

It was a classic case of ANBU zoning capabilities. True they got the worst missions but it was the worst of the worst missions. Meaning they got the really horrible ones where you have to zone out to protect your sanity, and let your body run on auto-piolet.

Eventually after recognizing that it wasn't working, then offered their selves up.

To which Kakashi had replied, with dark clouds surrounding the immediate area, showing his mood "Well, since if you can't decide, I'll just tie you both up or one of you guys if his teammates are willing to leave him or her with out lunch. You have one minute."

Sakura nominated herself first, since she felt useless, since she had used Naruto's trap to her own advantage, followed by Naruto, who had figured out what the object of the exercise was, followed by Sasuke who was in a 'the hell with it mood' since using the fire jutsu had wrecked his sugar high.

The storm clouds darkened. "YOU," Kakashi said with a dangerous edge on his voice at the trio, "all pass." The last part was said with an eye-smile. The effect just wasn't the same with his longest hair spike was missing though.

The three of newly minted gennin smiled widely at each other.

Kakashi wondered if his team was at all sane. Trying to figure them out would take some time if it didn't make him crazy. Those traps almost did. The exploding tag had surprised him. Maybe it was Naruto's only one.

"Alright. You all are dismissed. We'll meet tomorrow at the Tower for our first mission at nine as Team seven."

Sasuke then looked at Naruto, who looked at Sakura, who looked at the two boys and then nodded.

Time to get some training in.

(line thing hates me...)

This made a pretty big splash when Kakashi had announced that Team seven passed.

After which every jonin that knew Kakashi by reputation in there got over the shock of that immediately started to wonder how the hell did that happen? Especially since he looked a little worse for wear if the bandage under his eye was something to go by and he was missing a lock of hair and had a nice burnt hair smell, even with soap and shampoo smell coming off him.

Kakashi then escaped the questions of his fellow ninja, by burying himself in Icha Icha. So when Iruka left with the Hokage, as the last two to leave, the room, the cycloptic jonin asked, "Iruka-san, looking over Naruto's academy record, it mentions nothing of Naruto's skill in stealth or traps. What's your estimate of how high is it?"

"Kakashi, when he was in the academy I considered putting bells on him if you want to know truthfully and did and removed a week later as it wasn't helping. His stealth level when he's not really trying is probably better than mine when I'm trying. When he tries I believe he could sneak into the ANBU headquarters and no one would be the wiser. But if you really want to know, Naruto skipped most, if not every one, of those days, and thus were off record. There is also the fact that Naruto treaded a fine line, of dead last and failing so bad to get kicked out of the academy. Naruto really pushes the limits.

"I had to give assignments just so-so, or else he would find a way out of them. It's annoying to say do your work and Naruto does the physics definition of work. But when I had got it to where Naruto would do it, it was always stellar, even if he set the sprinklers off most of the time when he did. Thus ruining it, so it wouldn't go down.

"Mizuki, it was learned, had been changing his test grades after they'd been put down, and some other things that were totally unacceptable to even consider.

"If you want the truth though, I'd suggest you test him yourself, but be forewarned, he will fail, if only to keep his secrets hidden. He does have them, and although I'm pretty trusted by him, he won't tell me all of them. If anything it's a miracle that he isn't bent on revenge, although to judge by your disheveled state, you wrecked his mood. He turns vicious enough when that happens to make the T&I look like a day at the park. Also try not to be so late, a bored Naruto is worse than facing several missing-nins."

Kakashi spent the remainder of the day pondering the chunin's words, and wondering how Naruto did it. Much less how he did it so damn well. That made three times he had got the jonin, and made it look like child's play. The first was at his apartment, the second was the whole damn test, and the third was now. Well tomorrow couldn't be too bad could it? They were meeting at the tower.

Needless to say Kakashi reviewed his student's favorite pastimes that night not getting much sleep. Really, Iruka wasn't kidding when he said that wrecking Naruto's mood was worse than a day at the T&I, because you'd only spend a day there, Naruto however was free to keep a grudge. Also, he had learned that a bored Naruto was bad, and even worse without inspiration to keep him occupied.

Naruto on the other hand slept very well, his plan to break his sensei's bad habits of porn in public and his tardiness had started off very well if he had to say so. Whenever he had a decent excuse to dodge his team-mates he'd go visit.

And not just the shape-shifters at the ramen stand.

(LIne thing hates me!!! )

A/N; Filling in plot holes sucks. Please note that this chapter was basically done in February. Now it's July, eight days after my b-day, making today the 23rd. This chapter basically was done three days before V-day. I really need to get a beta, but I like my own work and am not gonna let anyone touch it. Hence the insanely long editing period. Then you add in the revision, plot-hole patching, research, more revision, more editing, working on the flow of the story and such other problems.

Sorry for the long wait.

(Original)A/N; Another chapter done. And in one day. *Blinks at computer's clock.* Does it matter how you count the day? 'Cause it's currently 12:52 a.m. on a Saturday/Sunday. Why am I typing? I could be watching Bleach at the moment. Well there is a handy invention called DVR. I typed most of this in one day. It the got edited to hell and back. On 2-11-09.

Me-Let's go D-ranks. Let's go!

Naruto- But I don't want to do D-ranks. They suck. Kiba's sister is gonna keep me on a leash or something like that and do things that won't be mentioned. Check chapter 7.

Me-She might do that in a few years or not. Depends on my mood.

Naruto- So what's the next chapter?

Me-Dunno. I had originally planned for you to do the wave arc, but I need to put in Konohamaru somewhere, other than flashbacks or something like that. I also need to introduce Hitomi properly because she'll start to play a big part in the later chapters and with Sakura getting dedicated to being a ninja. Tenten too. I also need to tell you what's been up with Kamisori and Kai. But if I do that I can't mess with Haku and Zabuza and tell off Inari majorly until the later chapter(s). And until after that I can't mess with Kyuubi either.

Naruto-So do what you usually do. Flip a coin.


End file.
